


Destiny and Iceberg

by SwanFloatieKnight



Category: Merlin (TV), Titanic (1997)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Titanic Fusion, Angst, Attempt at Humor, Boys Kissing, Character Death, Developing Relationship, Drama, Eventual Smut, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Forced Marriage, Friendship/Love, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, Hypothermia, M/M, Merlioske-friendly, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Romance, Running Away, Sinking, attempt at slow burn, iceberg, no beta we die like men, yes Tori Sinking™
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:40:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 54,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26340541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SwanFloatieKnight/pseuds/SwanFloatieKnight
Summary: Merlin is on the ship because he is running away, trying to start a new life somewhere else where he can live in freedom.Arthur is on the ship because he can't run away from Uther who wants him to marry Elena, the daughter of his old friend Godwyn.When they meet onTitanic, both are at a turning point in their lives. The question now is: Where will they turn to?
Relationships: Gwen/Lancelot (Merlin), Leon/Percival (Merlin), Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 198
Kudos: 96





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [FervidAsAFlame](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FervidAsAFlame/gifts), [Kestrel_L](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kestrel_L/gifts), [Midnight_Writing](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Midnight_Writing/gifts).



> Working title: A love to melt an iceberg [but somehow, along the way, I decided that Destiny and Iceberg is the better title lol]
> 
> Finally!! The Merlin Titanic AU nobody asked for xD my dream ship on the ship of dreams
> 
> 90% of my information about this ship, its route and its sinking as well as research for side plots, general information or random stuff are from Wikipedia. Please don't hate me too much if I got anything wrong, I tried my best but never attempted to be 100% historically accurate.  
> Also the plot of this story follows the movie as close as somehow possible. This happened _deliberately_. Don't like, don't read.
> 
> for Kestrel_L who provided me with the 10% information about Titanic that are not from Wikipedia and pictures of _Titanic_ :D tysm!  
> for FervidAsAFlame who had to suffer through all my bad ship and ice puns on the way, and who personally can't wait to read this xD here you go, finally!!  
> my thanks also go to everyone else who encouraged me to keep writing this hell fic and told me they were excited about it over the past 2 months :D I hope you do enjoy reading it as much as you were looking forward to it or more XD
> 
> I'm pretty happy that I managed to post this today because it's my 1st Merlin anniversary today xD [the oldest Merlin fics in my Ao3 history are from the 22nd September 2019]  
> also, yay, my 200th work which also happens to be my 50th work for the Merlin fandom!
> 
> Please don't get scared because of the unknown number of chapters. This fic is mostly written so far, but it's not edited and therefore I don't know yet how the chapters will turn out. This may look like a WIP, but it's not really one anymore XD
> 
> and after me rambling on for quite a while I will finally leave you alone xD here, have the story *shoves chapter in your general direction*  
> 

A/N: I posted this fic on Ao3, and on Ao3 alone. If you read this on any other website or platform, please consider that I did not consent to this.

* * *

_ Titanic was called the ship of dreams. And it was. It really was. _

* * *

The air inside the pub was stuffy and warm, and Merlin felt a little uncomfortable. Maybe it had been a bad idea to grant Gwaine his wish of having one last pint of English ale. Gwaine would not have been Gwaine if he hadn’t drunk at least three pints by now and was starting to get on people’s nerves. Or at least at Merlin’s.

“See this knife over there? I swear I once had a knife like that up my trousers, strapped to my thigh.” Gwaine grinned at the burly man next to him. “And that’s how I smuggled it into jail and later that night I managed to unlock my cell door with it and escaped.”

“Oh shut up, you liar!” The man shook his head and turned away from Gwaine. “Seriously, you’re not even funny. I’m gonna shove a knife like that even further up your trousers if you don’t stop bugging me soon,” he mumbled into his beer.

“But I swear it’s true!”

“You can tell this story to your grandmother, maybe she’ll believe it. Or rather not, your tales aren’t decent for modest old women I guess.”

“What makes you think his grandmother was a modest woman?” another man sitting at the bar threw in from the side, and they both started laughing.

“Ey!” Gwaine whirled around. “You take that back you wimp!”

Merlin decided that this was enough for a Wednesday morning. It was not even ten yet! He walked over to his friend, put a hand on his shoulder and resolutely tried to pull him away from the bar. “That’s enough now, Gwaine. We’re going to miss the ship!”

“Aww, need your little friend to pick you up?” The first man grinned.

“Now who’s the wimp?”

Gwaine’s answer was to roll up his sleeves. “You wanted to say something?”

“Gwaine, for fuck’s sake!” Merlin slowly became really annoyed. This ship was the one opportunity in his life to get away from all of this. For years he had wished to leave Ealdor, leave Britain and his whole life behind. Start anew in a place where nobody knew him, where nobody knew about his magic, and nobody was biased towards him. Nobody suspected him when anything went wrong. He had always dreamt of going to a place where he could leave everything behind.

When Gwaine had shown up with the two tickets for the _Titanic_ a week earlier Merlin had been overjoyed. Gwaine hadn’t needed to persuade him long as Merlin himself had known that if he wouldn’t take this opportunity, he would never get out of Ealdor. He needed to leave fast, or the he would never wind up the courage to leave his mother behind. Besides all the prejudices and the harassment there were a lot of fond memories of his childhood tying him to his home village. It hurt Merlin to think that maybe he would never see his mother again, but he tried to remain as steadfast as he could. He had always wanted to leave, and now that there was the chance he would be stupid if he did not take it. This way he would have a friend with him at least.

Only that right now his chance was threatened by said friend who was once again about to get into a quarrel with those two guys at the bar. And he knew Gwaine, he would manage to get arrested again and Merlin probably with him, and if not it would be up to him to get Gwaine out of custody, and he wasn’t sure if he felt ready to board that ship without Gwaine. He wasn’t even sure if he felt ready to board it together with his friend. “Gwaine, that’s enough! Come on now!”

Luckily, when he heard the persistence in Merlin’s voice Gwaine let the matter go. He grinned at him before he mock bowed to the two men. “It was a pleasure talking to you, gentlemen, but unfortunately, my friend here is right: the _RMS Titanic_ ain’t gonna wait for us.” He winked at them before he turned around, grabbed his pack and followed Merlin out of the pub. “See you in New York,” he called over his shoulder, and then Merlin dragged him on and they soon disappeared in the busy crowd of people filling the streets.

On their way to the docks Merlin couldn’t help but chide Gwaine for his once again reckless behaviour. “Every time, I swear, every time you have to get into some kind of fight or argument.”

“You shouldn’t be too harsh on my pub habits. That’s how I got us those tickets that seem so important to you.”

“Shut up, I don’t even want to know. I can’t tell what I would hate more, the thought of you getting them in some dishonest way, or us not reaching the ship in time. Anyways, both can be prevented by you drinking less. Now come on.”

“Oh, you’re no fun,” Gwaine complained. “Also now you bereft me of my last opportunity to have a good British bar brawl.”

“I am certain you will enjoy the American bar brawls just as much once we’re in New York.” Merlin rolled his eyes.

“You cannot know for certain,” Gwaine told him with a pout and crossed arms. “Also, I got us those tickets honestly. Really! Won them in a card game. And I didn’t even cheat.”

Merlin suddenly came to a halt, and Gwaine turned around to face him. “Oh, c’mon, now please don’t make a fuss about it. Or we will really eventually miss that ship I swear – ”

But Merlin was just staring ahead, a little dumbstruck, staring at the huge ship lying at the dock. “Shit, I kinda hadn’t expected it to be so huge,” he mumbled, more to himself than to Gwaine.

Gwaine clapped his shoulders. “Oh, what did you think? That we’re going to America in a rowing boat?” He laughed. “Come on, Merlin, close your mouth or you’ll catch flies.”

“There are not even flies around,” Merlin defended himself, but nonetheless he tore his gaze away from the huge steam ship that was waiting for them and followed Gwaine to the queue where the other third-class-passengers were waiting for inspection and boarding.

<°)))>< *~*~* ><(((°>

Arthur felt awful. He had been more nauseous and restless with every day that was closer to their departure, and now that this morning had come, he basically wanted to drown himself in the dock where the ship was lying at anchor. He hated everything about this ship, this journey, the people with him. The people actually were worst (maybe with the exception of Leon), and the worst of all was his own father.

His father, who actually was the reason why Arthur was now standing at the dock next to this huge ship, hating everything about it and wishing to go back home alone.

But Uther Pendragon was planning to marry his only son Arthur off to some wealthy American family, and unfortunately Uther’s old friend Godwyn, who was a wealthy American, had a daughter about Arthur’s age and both of them agreed to marry their children to each other.

What probably sounded like the perfect plan for the two of them and maybe also for Elena was the living hell for Arthur himself. It was not necessarily that he disliked his future wife, but he couldn’t say that he loved her either. What he knew for certain though was that she was not the person Arthur wanted to spend the rest of his life with. And his father did not understand this. Or maybe he did, but he didn’t care.

Arthur and Uther had had some heated debates about the planned marriage, especially about Godwyn’s plan of holding the wedding in the United States. Arthur didn’t want to go there, not for a marriage he didn’t approve of, but Uther had been overjoyed at the idea. They had booked First Class tickets for the _RMS Titanic_ that would go on her maiden voyage across the Atlantic from Southampton to New York, where they would arrive on the 17th April. Just in time for their wedding to take place on the 20th. Ten days were all that Arthur had left, and he would spend the majority of them trapped on that truly awful ship, just like a prisoner who had no other choice than to patiently await his execution.

“Arthur.” His father appeared next to him, out of nowhere as it seemed. “Don’t pull such a face. People might think you’re going to a funeral instead of your own wedding.”

Arthur glared at him. “A funeral would be a more joyful occasion.”

“Arthur!”

“I mean it! You never even cared about me when I told you I don’t want to marry her!”

Even though their argument was about to get heated they both kept their voices as low as they could. Uther didn’t want to attract any attention and Arthur thought better than to throw a scene right here on the docks. Yes, it would embarrass his father, but it would also embarrass himself. He was a grown man, after all.

“It was not like you were happy to marry _any_ woman! I suggested several noble Englishwomen, you turned all of them down! Do you have any idea how offended the Earl of Huntingdon was when I had to tell him that my oh so noble son didn’t want to marry his daughter? Arthur, are you listening? I’m talking to you! You could have entirely ruined our family’s reputation!” Uther hissed at him.

Arthur had to bite his tongue to hold back a very nasty reply and instead answered: “Nobody asked you to find a wife for me! I never wanted to marry at all! At least not now, and not for a few years to come. I am barely twenty years old, father!”

“When I was your age, I was – ”

“I know, you were already happily married. You told me a thousand times. But I am not you, and I don’t want to be married, and especially not to Elena!”

Uther shook his head angrily. “I will not have this argument here and now. We have talked about this, and you will marry Elena. I will not allow you to bring such disgrace to your family.” He turned away and smiled happily at Elena who was now walking towards them. “Hello, my dear! I cannot wait to finally call you my daughter, you already are like one to me. And hello, Godwyn, my old friend!” He shortly kissed Elena’s hand, then he hugged Godwyn and the two men walked off towards the ship while some stewards took care of the luggage.

Arthur sighed quietly as his father left them alone. Unfortunately this meant that he was now left alone with Elena, and this was almost as awkward. At least they didn’t argue as much, there was just a strange tension between them, every time they were supposed to talk to each other. It was true, he did not dislike Elena, but something always let him hesitate when she tried to get closer to him. He blocked her off, avoided her modest touches, he even tried his best not to speak with her at all, sometimes to the point of appearing rude, but sadly, he didn’t even care much. It didn’t bother him that Elena might be hurt, he even low-key hoped that she might get upset enough with him to ditch him and break up their engagement. Hoping didn’t hurt anyone, did it?

“Hello, Arthur!” Elena greeted him with a happy smile.

Arthur only grumbled something unintelligible in return and looked away.

“Aren’t you excited? We’re going to get married in ten days, and you will finally meet all my family! And on top of that, we’re going to be on the _Titanic_ , Arthur, can you believe this?” If possible Elena’s smile got even bigger. “This is so amazing, all of it!”

“Mh.” Arthur really tried to, but he couldn’t get himself to a more enthusiastic reaction. “Yeah, great, really.” He looked around him, looking for the only person with them that he did not despise. “I guess I’ll have to find Leon now, so… I’ll see you later anyways, right?”

Elena just nodded, and Arthur didn’t even get to see her disappointed expression in his attempt to escape her as quickly as possible. At least he still had Leon. Leon, his childhood friend, whom he had grown up with. Who was the only one around him he could still call his friend. Someone he could still trust.

Leon had lived in Uther Pendragon’s household for as long as Arthur could remember. He was four years his senior and Arthur had loved him with a boyish admiration when they had been younger. Later they had become close friends, and they still were to that day. Apparently something had happened to his parents when he had been five years old and Uther had felt responsible and taken Leon in. In retrospective it probably was the only thing Uther had ever done that Arthur was actually thankful for, because Leon was almost like a brother to him. They were always there for one another, always at the other’s side. And so they were now.

As soon as Arthur had spotted the curly ginger-ish hair he almost ran over to his friend. “Leon!” It took all his willpower to not throw himself into Leon’s arms like he had done when he still was a child. All he did was put a hand on Leon’s shoulder and leaning in close enough to whisper: “Thank god you are here.”

Leon shortly hugged him back. “Always.” He gave him a quick but genuine smile. “Your father has already met Godwyn, I guess?”

“Fortunately, because he’s no longer arguing with me about my duty to marry Elena. Unfortunately, because said woman is now on my heels trying to talk to me.”

Arthur looked so miserable that Leon couldn’t stifle a laugh and had to resist the urge to ruffle Arthur’s hair. “Now imagine how things will be once you are married. She’ll be around you all the time. Trying to talk to you.”

“Please, don’t remind me. Let me enjoy my freedom while it lasts.” Arthur almost shuddered at the prospect. “I am serious, Leon. I cannot even explain why. But I really, really don’t want to marry. Not Elena. Not one of the other women my father suggested to me. Not anyone. It just feels so wrong.” He pulled a face. “And this sounds ridiculous. God, Leon, don’t laugh at me, I beg you. I already feel bad enough with my wedding ten days from now.”

But Leon only looked at him compassionately. “I am not laughing, Arthur. I am sorry for you. Genuinely sorry. It is clear to me that you don’t want to marry that woman and that you won’t be happy in this marriage. I wish I could do anything for you, but Uther and Godwyn apparently have made up their minds, and Elena doesn’t look too unhappy either. If I knew of a way out for you, I would help you. But the way things look…” He put an arm around Arthur’s shoulders and slowly led him towards the ship. “But you know, Arthur, I would never laugh at you for listening to your feelings. It is brave of you to even admit them. I wish you could follow your heart.”

<°)))>< *~*~* ><(((°>

When Merlin entered the ship alongside Gwaine he was overcome with such a wave of emotions that he had to close his eyes for a brief moment and take a deep breath. The ship smelled of wood, metal and fresh paint. The cool breeze around him bore the taste of salt and sea. It smelled of freedom. The very moment his feet had left British soil he had felt like a gigantic weight had been taken off his shoulders while at the same time the finality of his departure had settled heavily in his heart. Could you feel homesick already when you hadn’t even left your home yet? Merlin probably did. And still he tried to tell himself that it had been the right decision to leave Ealdor.

Gwaine just took his arm and dragged him on. “Come on, Merlin, you’re not the only one who’s trying to get on board. Don’t trip over those posh carpets. Now, follow me, we have to find our cabin.”

Merlin shook his head. There wasn’t even a carpet on the floor. “And you know the way?”

“Of course I do. I always know the way.” Gwaine grinned. “Or have you ever been lost when you were with me?”

Merlin wanted to retort with “Only about three hundred times or something,” but before he could so much as say a word Gwaine had already stormed off into one of the narrow corridors and was leading Merlin deeper down into the ship. Merlin stared after him for a second, then he shook his head and followed him. After all, there wasn’t anything else he could do, or was there?

After following Gwaine through the long and especially confusing corridors for more than an hour Merlin was out of breath, his shoulders hurt from carrying both his and Gwaine’s luggage and he felt definitely and completely lost. He was just about to complain to his friend and to walk off to look for a steward who might help them when Gwaine suddenly stopped, turned to his left and looked at the door of the cabin with the number 513.

“Hey, there we are!” He winked at Merlin. “See, told you I knew the way. Wasn’t that hard to find actually.”

“No, no. Only took us over an hour.” Merlin sighed and tiredly leaned his head against the wall. “Now open that damn door so I can claim the top bunk.”

“Why should you? I think I deserve it. After all, I led us here.” Gwaine opened the door while talking and they entered the cabin, still arguing.

“I think I rather deserve it, after running after you for more than an hour and trying to keep up with you and carrying _your_ bloody luggage and getting lost more than a thousand times in this ship! I get the top bunk!” Merlin glared at him, and Gwaine glared back.

Only then did they realise that they were not alone in the cabin. There were two other men, staring at them in slight bewilderment but mostly amused. One of them had dark hair and eyes and smiled brightly at them. The other one was at least a head taller than Merlin. His dark blonde hair was short and his blue eyes were smiling just as shily as his lips when he now offered: “If you want to, both of you can have the top bunks.”

Gwaine looked at him and exclaimed: “Now that’s my man! See, Merlin, he has manners.”

“You mean, unlike you?” Merlin snorted.

Gwaine shook his head. “Shut up, Merlin. Anyways, if you are serious about your offer, me and my friend Merlin here will gladly take you up on it.” He walked towards the taller man and held out his hand. “I’m Gwaine, this is Merlin, pleasure to meet you. Especially as you are so generous to offer us your top bunk.” He winked and the man blushed.

“I’m Percival, this is Lancelot, and actually, we were arguing about the bottom bunk. So I guess this arrangement is just the most convenient for everyone involved.”

Merlin and Lancelot exchanged a glance that Merlin felt awkward about at first, but then Lancelot smiled so warmly and friendly at him that he couldn’t help but smile back.

Gwaine in the meantime took his bag from Merlin, threw it into the top bunk to his right and nodded. “So, I guess, that’s it now. Here we are. Welcome to the _RMS Titanic_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not know yet when I will be done with editing the next chapter as I'm still writing at the end of the story plus I have yet another wip and like 5 books to read, but I hope it will not take me longer than one month :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter comes earlier than I had planned <3 hope you enjoy :)

The _Titanic_ left Southampton at noon on the 10th April 1912, crossing the English Channel at good speed. At around 5.30 p.m. they reached the harbour of Cherbourg, passengers who had only bought Cross-Channel-Tickets leaving the ship and others boarding. Not even three hours later the _Titanic_ was once again on her way, this time setting course towards the harbour of Queenstown in southern Ireland. The weather was fine, although a bit cool, and Gwaine and Merlin, Lancelot and Percival stayed beneath deck for the whole day and most of the evening.

They had soon found out that they not only had complementing preferences for top and bottom bunks. Merlin almost immediately came to the conclusion that Lancelot probably was the kindest and purest man he had ever met in his life while Gwaine was happy that in Percival he seemed to have finally found someone who was impressed rather than annoyed by his drinking capabilities. This was why they sat together until the late hours of the night, chatting and joking and making plans for when they should arrive in New York.

Gwaine just wanted to see what awaited him, he was optimistic that some chance, some possibility would certainly show up. Lancelot and Percival on the other hands had pretty solid plans already: Percival was a baker with French parents and they now wanted to start a bakery in New York, selling French pastries and sweets. Gwaine told them that it was the best idea ever, suggested that they certainly would need someone to sell their pastries and tried to convince them that he was probably the best man they could possibly find for this job. With a laugh Percival assured him that he would consider it.

Merlin, on the other hand, had sat a little aside all day. He had been quieter than the others, talked and laughed less and mostly just stared out of the window, zoning out from time to time. He was once again caught in his own homesick thoughts, and at the same time he started wondering if now that he had left his home behind they would ever leave him. He clutched the folder in which he was carrying his drawings with him tightly to his chest. Earlier he had looked at some of them, drawings of his home, his village, his mother. Drawings that meant home to him. But soon they had hurt him more than they had soothed the pain and he now tried to ignore the very thought of Ealdor. It hurt him too much. Maybe one day he would wake up and the strange longing, the homesickness would just be gone, miraculously so. He wasn’t sure if he really liked this thought. As much as it hurt right now, no longer missing his home, no longer having feelings about it, seemed just as bad to him.

Right now, it was terrible and everything around him reminded him cruelly of all that he had left behind. The overflowing joy he had felt when he had boarded the ship in the morning was gone. The constant humming and vibrating of the ship’s enormous engines stood in stark contrast to the tranquillity in his little home village. He missed the crackling sound of a fire burning in the hearth. The smell of fresh paint and sea made him miss the rich and earthy forest scent he was used to. That he might never smell again.

“Merlin, are you all right?” Merlin flinched when Lancelot sat down next to him. “You have barely said a word all day. Do you want to tell us what your plans are for when you will arrive in New York?” he asked him, curiously but still respectfully.

Merlin coughed lightly. “Yeah… I… No, I mean, I don’t really have any plans yet. It’s just… it’s complicated.” He felt tears burning in his eyes and the sudden urge to flee this room and situation overcame him with overwhelming force. His cheeks started burning in embarrassment. The last thing he wanted was to cry right here in front of these men, two of them barely more than strangers to him, about being homesick like a small child. “I’ll just – I need some air.”

With these words he put down his drawings, jumped to his feet, stormed past Lancelot and slammed the cabin door shut behind him. Then he hurried in the direction of the stairs leading up to the D-Deck. Lancelot and Percival stared after him in bewilderment, but Gwaine just tried to laugh it off. “Don’t worry, lads, he can be a bit dramatic from time to time. Nothing to worry about.” That he was, in fact, worried for Merlin he tried to ignore.

So their talk returned to their earlier topics, the bakery, their former jobs, their life plans. They drank some more ale and after about another hour went to bed. Merlin was still somewhere out on that ship by then, and Gwaine started to get concerned. Whatever Merlin might be up to, it was not like him to just storm off without saying a word about where he went and when he would return.

For a brief moment he considered going out looking for him, but he quickly dismissed that thought. This ship was huge and confusing and he did not have the slightest idea where Merlin might have gone. In the end they would maybe miss each other and then just wander through the corridors, each of them on his own, for all eternity. No, Gwaine decided that the most sensible thing probably was to stay here and have a talk with Merlin once he returned. Hopefully Lancelot and Percival would be asleep by then.

<°)))>< *~*~* ><(((°>

As soon as the door fell shut behind him, Merlin breathed deeply and pressed his hands to his eyes. Yes, it was late and he was exhausted, physically but mainly mentally, yet he didn’t allow himself to have a breakdown. Not here. Not now. Not with Lancelot and Percival around, who seemed very nice but also he barely knew them yet. And especially not about something as trivial and childish like being homesick.

Of course there was more to it than just being homesick, and Merlin knew this too. He had just made the probably most important choice of his life and was now standing at a crossroad not really knowing which way to turn while at the same time he was already walking off in some direction, not knowing if this was really the right decision. Or rather shipping off. Merlin nearly snorted at this more or less funny thought and it brought new tears to his eyes. Angrily, he rubbed them away again. What he really needed now was some fresh air, to cool down and clear his head. As soon as he would have stopped crying he would go back to the cabin. Maybe he would find an opportunity later to speak with Gwaine about all this. Gwaine certainly would understand him.

With determination Merlin headed off. Once again he was making his way through that ship with not the slightest idea where to go, but this time he turned out to be exceptionally lucky. After a few turns he found a flight of stairs where the air was cooler and smelled of wind more than of paint and iron. He followed them upwards and they lead him through a few empty rooms and corridors more or less straight up to the Promenade Deck.

Once there, Merlin took a deep breath of the humid night air. The wind cooled the tears that were by now running down his cheeks, he shuddered and huddled deeper into his jacket. He walked over to the nearest bench and flopped down on it exhaustedly. His knees were wobbly. It really was cold out here, but he didn’t feel ready yet to go back inside. He was still crying, shoulders shaking with silent sobs. He would rather have curled up in his bed beneath the clean white blanket, but the others were there and he didn’t want to cry in front of them. He already felt bad enough without Lancelot and Percival knowing about him… being different. It had never turned out well when people learned about his secret.

When he had been a child he couldn’t have helped it. His magic had been impulsive and reacting on its own. Accidents had happened, most of them pretty harmless, but some had been quite bad, he had to admit. Like the one time the storm had felled a tree and said tree had fallen into old Mr Harmod’s yard and he had tried to move it from there and it had ended up on Mr Harmod’s terrace and smashed in two windows. Mr Harmod hadn’t been pleased at all and Merlin’s mum had had to pay for the windows and Merlin had felt terribly guilty about the whole incident. He had just tried to help, after all.

It hadn’t been the only incident that had happened. One time, he had flooded the classroom in their small school building. Another time, when he had been even younger, he had nearly set their house on fire and his mum had been really angry with him. Understandably so, but all these incidents (and there had been many more) had been accidental. Yet they had led to the villagers disliking, probably even fearing Merlin’s magic, and him hating himself for having it.

Every time something had happened in Ealdor, something didn’t go exactly like plan, lightening struck a steeple or someone got hurt there were always people who blamed it on Merlin messing around with his magic. Most of them didn’t say it out loud, at least not while he was present, and to some it was rather a joke than an actual accusation, but Merlin couldn’t even smile at it. It hurt him to know that they were talking behind his back, that even the jokes they made had some kind of truth in them, a tone of seriousness and insult that always went along with the half-hearted laughs.

It might have hurt Merlin, but what had bothered him most was that it also had hurt Hunith. His mother saw and heard probably even more, she got the pitiful looks and, when Merlin had still been a toddler, even some well-meaning neighbours who suggested she gave her son up for adoption. The magic had been even worse than Merlin being born out of wedlock and without a father.

Despite everything, Hunith had done her best to enable Merlin a childhood full of happiness and love. She had tried to protect her boy, and she had done a marvellous job at it, this Merlin had to admit. There was not one single memory when he had felt let down or hurt by his mother. She had always been there for him. The one person he could trust with his life. Who had always been there for him, had supported him no matter what. He owed her everything. She had been why he decided to leave in the end.

Merlin had considered it for quite some time already, not only to escape all the jibber and gossip and the strange looks when he walked through the street, people talking about him, pointing at him behind his back and . He was sick of it. Also, there was the thought of his mother living the life of an outsider because of him. He felt guilty for this, no matter what Hunith told him. Maybe he was more important to her than the other villagers’ opinions of them, but he saw that it still bothered her. He didn’t want her to feel isolated anymore, wanted her to be part of the community just as she must have been before he had been born.

But not only Hunith’s own treatment had bothered him, he himself had suffered as well. His friend Will had gone to London two years ago, looking for work there, and they had only seen each other when Will came to visit his mother for Christmas last year. Gwaine, his other friend, was a bit of a vagabond, an outsider like Merlin himself. They got along greatly, but Gwaine wasn’t in Ealdor too often, and he never stayed long either. Merlin had drawn back from the life in the village, had started drawing a lot and was admittedly quite good at it. Yet he was lonely and wished for people he could trust and he could be happy with that he might see more often than twice a year. These had been the reason for him to leave Ealdor when he had the chance.

The chance had shown up on his doorstep eventually, with Gwaine’s face and in the shape of two tickets for the _Titanic_ from Southampton to New York on the 10th April, in only four days. Third Class, they would have to share their cabin with two other people, but it had been a ticket and Merlin had wanted to leave for so long. He had taken his drawings, his few other belongings and with them his chance, maybe his only one, to leave Ealdor and Great Britain behind. It had seemed the right, no, the _only_ right thing to do at that time. Only four days ago.

And now here he was, curling up on a bench on the draughty Third Class Promenade Deck of the _Titanic_ , and every minute that passed brought him closer to America. To a life he wasn’t sure anymore if he really wanted to live it. Had it really been so bad in Ealdor? What made him so certain that it would really be any better in another place? That people there would not look down on him, judge him, make fun of him because of his magic. Because of who he was.

Now it was too late to turn back, but definitely not too late to regret and overthink his actions. Probably he would never know if his decision had been the right one. Right now, he felt uncertain about it. He missed his mother, and Ealdor. Even the gossiping neighbours. All of it. It had been his home, after all, and he would probably never see it again. No matter how happy and relieved a part of him was to have left this chapter of his life behind, an even larger part questioned it constantly. His tired eyes looked up to the stars, tears blurring his vision.

He heard a door slam and looked up, but it was dark and the door not in his field of view. He lowered his head and just wanted to close his eyes once again when he heard heavy steps on the wooden floor. They were fast, almost running, and they came his way. Merlin held his breath, hoping that the other person would not notice him. It was a man that was half-running past him, and he seemed to be very upset. Then, Merlin heard a strange noise that sounded suspiciously like a suppressed sob. Slowly, he sat up.

<°)))>< *~*~* ><(((°>

The only thing that did surprise Arthur when he had the first heated argument with his father on this journey was that it only happened after dinner. He would have expected it much earlier, but Uther had been busy catching up on business talk with Godwyn and Arthur had tried his best to avoid him in return. He had hid in his room pretending to read and later pretending to have a bad stomach ache so he could send away Elena. In reality he had lain in his bed all on his own, stared at the ceiling and pitied himself. There wasn’t really anything else you could do when you were on a ship to New York and about to be married against your will.

Then it had been 7 p.m., time for dinner, and Uther appeared in his cabin, shouting at him for hiding in his bed all day like a five-year-old. Arthur had shouted back that he didn’t feel well. Uther’s look had told him that his father didn’t buy his shit. He had left his room, not without telling Arthur that he was a wimp and a disgrace for the whole Pendragon family. No matter how often Arthur heard these words, they always hit him like a kick to the stomach. They made him feel sick and worthless and he hated his father for constantly telling him that he wasn’t good enough.

Arthur then had been glad about the choice of his earlier excuse because a bad stomach was also a good reason for not eating much. Honestly, he felt like throwing up. He was nauseous and dizzy, the air in the dining saloon was too hot and stuffy for him to breathe and his head felt like it was filled with cotton. Also he had to admit that to some degree he now acted stubbornly and ignorantly on purpose, just to piss of his father. He felt Leon’s hand on his shoulder when his friend walked to the dinner table next to him, but he couldn’t really process the words he said to him. In confusion he shook his head.

“What?”

“Were you even listening?” Leon smiled at him, but there were compassion and worry in his eyes.

“Me? Uh… I’m trying to.” He sighed.

“I said, you really don’t look so good, Arthur. Wouldn’t you maybe want to stay in bed? You’re so pale.”

Arthur rubbed his forehead with one hand and tried to smile back at his friend. There was a slight throb in his temples that he gave his best to ignore. It got harder with every minute, he wasn’t sure how long he would manage to keep up his appearance. And Leon’s suggestion sounded too tempting right now. But he knew he couldn’t, and also it would annoy Uther much more if he had to look at Arthur’s pout throughout the dinner.

“I wish I could. But as if my father would let me. Doesn’t he want me to entertain my fiancée?” The last word was hushed and he pulled a face like it was something indecent or disgusting.

Leon nodded understandingly. “I see. You know, if there is anything I can do for you, just tell me.” He could guess from Arthur’s words and looks that his friend appreciated it despite his desperation.

Yet Arthur huffed one single dry laugh. “Get me off that ship.”

Leon gave him a long and sad look. “If only I could. Seriously, Arthur, if only.”

Then, they had arrived at their table and taken their seats. Uther and Godwyn arrived shortly after, with Elena on their heels. Leon discreetly patted Arthur’s thigh beneath the table to let him know he was there as Arthur had just fixed his eyes on the table in front of him with a glassy stare. Arthur though barely reacted.

Uther sat down in the chair opposite of his son. He leaned back, crossed his arms in front of his chest and lifted one eyebrow. “My son, it is very impolite to ignore those who are going to dine with you. Don’t you want to greet your father, your fiancée and your future father-in-law?”

Arthur barely looked up. He mumbled something that could be interpreted as “Good evening, Godwyn, Elena” and Uther must have decided that it was far from appropriate but at least not inappropriate enough to deserve an outburst. He sighed, turned to Godwyn and they picked up their former talk, deliberately ignoring Arthur and his silent act of protest. The rest of the table was sitting in awkward silence.

In the end Arthur had no idea how he survived the dinner without being shouted at by Uther. He half noticed Leon talking to Elena in an awkward attempt to keep up a conversation. They chatted about horses and the weather and Leon brought up some gossip about British nobility, but all in all they didn’t really have much to talk about.

Even if Arthur had wanted to join their conversation he had no idea what he could possibly contribute. Not that he wanted to. He had to make his point clear to Uther, and he didn’t feel like it, either. It took most of his attention to focus on the meal in front of him, to keep up an adamant and at the same time offended face and to force himself to eat at least a little bit of every course. In the end, he felt like he had done a pretty good job, because not only Leon but also Elena looked at him with concern and compassion.

At half past nine, dinner was over. Arthur was so relieved that he sighed loudly when they got up what earned him a judging glance from his father, but he didn’t really care. He just wanted to get out of this uncomfortable situation, away from his father and Elena, to bed.

“Well then, let’s go over to the saloon,” he heard Godwyn say, and Uther and Leon nodded in agreement. Arthur had barely prepared himself for saying good night when his father raised his voice.

“And you, my son, will join us, too.”

Arthur met his eyes and returned the icy stare. “Actually, I wanted to go to bed. I am really tired from the journey. I am sure you do understand when I will not join you tonight. We’re going to see each other again tomorrow at breakfast, right?”

Godwyn and Elena were more than understanding. They wished Arthur a good night and went ahead to the saloon.

Leon only smiled knowingly. “Sleep well, Arthur, my friend.” He turned and went after Godwyn and Elena.

But when the three of them headed off towards the saloon Uther stayed back. “A word.”

Arthur sighed and closed his eyes for a moment. He knew exactly what was about to come, and it wouldn’t be pleasant. Truth be told, he was surprised that his father had tolerated his behaviour for so long. Arthur mentally prepared himself for another verbal assault when his father took his arm and dragged him along the corridor until it was quieter around them and there were less people. Before Arthur even knew what happened there was a loud slap and he felt the burning sting of it on his right cheek.

“Ow!” In shock he stared at his father. It had been years since Uther had last hit him, he had expected to be well past the age for this. That he had now done it again made Arthur feel like he was a little boy who had overstepped once more, a naughty child that you could drag into some corridor and beat to make it behave. But before he could so much as say a word he felt Uther’s other hand hitting the other side of his face. He gasped, tried to breathe through the pain.

“What on earth were you thinking?! Do you have any idea how your miserable behaviour made me look?!”

Arthur bit his bottom lip to stop it from quivering. “What were _you_ thinking when you and Godwyn arranged that marriage?!”

“I will not have this discussion again! It is a little too late for that, anyways. We are on our way to New York, the wedding is in ten days!”

“But I never said I wanted to marry! Not Elena, not anyone else! Do you have any idea how terrible all this makes me feel? Probably not, but even if you did you wouldn’t care, right?!”

“How dare you talk to your father that way? A little more respect - ”

“Respect? What should I respect you for, please, tell me!” Arthur’s fingers were shaking with rage by now, he crossed his arms to hide it. “What have you ever done to me? You sent me away whenever I needed you, and only pretended to be there for me when you needed me for something. Now you want me to marry! For what? To ensure this family’s good reputation and financial situation! That is all you have ever cared about!”

“All of this has always, ever been for your own good, Arthur! So that one day you would inherit your rightful place in this society and could live up to it. So you would have a family and money! I only wanted the best for you! If only you’d understand – ”

“But has it ever occurred to you that maybe I myself could know best what is good for _me_?!”

“Well, tonight you have once again proven to me that apparently you do not!”

Arthur just stared at his father in silence for a heartbeat or two. Then, the words burst out of him like water through a broken dam. “I do not want to live a life that was forced upon me by someone who didn’t give a shit about myself, but only thought of the family and his own good reputation! Just… leave me alone! I hate you! You are no longer my father!”

“Arthur!”

But Arthur didn’t listen to him anymore. He stormed off, not even caring where he was going, just away, away from Uther, the man who he used to call his father. If only he could run away from his marriage as easily, he thought. He came to a stairway, followed it down and felt cool air on his face. Cool, fresh air that would do him well after this heated scene. Arthur opened a door – and stood on the Third Class Promenade Deck. A good place, he thought. Nobody would come and look for him here. Behind him, the door slammed shut.

He didn’t stop running, he couldn’t, the anger boiling in his blood was fighting to get out and he felt tears burning in his eyes. He wanted to hit something. Then, the deck ended and he stood at the rail, his hands tightly clutching the cool iron of the railing. Arthur breathed deeply and tried not to throw up. Then, the pressure in his chest forced its way out in a first, almost hurtful sob.


	3. Chapter 3

Arthur couldn’t even remember the last time he had cried. All his life he had been told that it was bad to cry, that a man never showed too many emotions and especially not tears. But right now, he didn’t care. Everything around him felt so wrong and bad that crying didn’t really make a difference anymore. At least he was alone. And as strange as it felt to him, it also was relieving. He rested his forehead on his hands that were still desperately holding onto the cold iron railing and closed his eyes, letting the tears flow freely.

Suddenly, there was a hand on his shoulder and he nearly jumped out of his skin. It took all his self restraint to not cry out in surprise. Alone his ass. Where on earth did this person – this man even come from? Arthur wanted to get angry at him because he saw him crying, but he was too exhausted to even feel ashamed.

The other one looked at him and just said: “Hey. Are you all right? What happened?”

Arthur shook his head. “It’s just… I just…” He breathed deeply. “Fuck, I can’t do this any longer. I don’t want to.”

“Don’t want what? Hey. Hey, it’s all right. It’ll be fine.” The other man carefully patted his shoulder as another sob broke from Arthur’s chest. “Come on. Let’s go over here. Sit down on the bench. Wouldn’t want you to collapse, would we?” Carefully, the man put a cool hand over Arthur’s cramped fingers. He tried to pull Arthur away from the rail, Arthur followed obediently and let the man lead him over to one of the benches. There, they sat down next to each other.

After a few minutes of just breathing and trying to calm down Arthur was fairly certain that the danger of bursting into tears once more was banned. Another feeling made itself known in place of the anger he had felt before, strange and unknown. Arthur wasn’t sure what to think of it.

The other man tentatively reached out for him and it grew stronger. Funnily enough, Arthur still longed for this touch, for the comfort it could provide, but he wasn’t sure if he could allow this… peasant to touch him. He shied away from the approaching hand, and the other man hastily pulled it back. At least Arthur wasn’t sobbing anymore, only the tears were still cooling on his face and he didn’t really dare to wipe them off. The idea of it seemed stupid and childish to him, for whatever reason.

“Do you want to talk about it?” His mysterious guardian angel smiled at him but kept his hands to himself for now.

“I, uhm, I’m not sure…” Arthur hesitated for a moment. He had never done this, talk about his feelings. Mostly because there just never had been anyone he could talk to when it came to such private matters, to making himself vulnerable. He had made bad experiences even as a little boy when he had tried to talk to Uther. On the other hand though he had made the very good experience of feeling very much relieved and somewhat better in general after talking to Leon about the arguments he had had with Uther. This stranger didn’t know anything about him. He could not blackmail him with any personal details he might share, he just would have to be careful not to tell him any names. And it couldn’t really make him feel worse. Arthur took a deep breath. “Yeah, maybe I do.”

“Then tell me. What has you so upset?” The stranger was still smiling at him, in an open and very friendly way that made Arthur want to trust him at once, no matter what. He took a few more deep breaths, then the first words tumbled out of his brain and into his mouth.

“I – Uther – my father – and he wants me to marry – and I – I just can’t…”

“Shh…” The man now started rubbing small circles onto Arthur’s right shoulder blade. “Take your time to find the words. No hurry. We have all night. So, your father wants you to marry, and you don’t want to marry the woman he has picked for you?”

Arthur nodded, grateful that the other one had guessed it. “But not just her. I don’t – I can’t marry anyone.”

“Why’s this?” The stranger looked at him but Arthur stubbornly stared straight ahead. “Try to explain it to me. How do you feel about this marriage? And about marrying in general? Talking can help, you know?”

Arthur nodded once more, breathed deeply and tried to regain control over his voice. “I don’t… I don’t even know. It’s not even that I – I don’t like her. I do. In a way. I guess.” He hid his face in his hands and groaned. “God, this is stupid. I can’t tell you all this.”

“Then don’t. That’s fine, too. Only talk when you feel like it. But when you do feel like it, you should. It takes the weight of unspoken words off your soul. At least that’s what my mother told me when I was younger.” He smiled and Arthur could see his teeth flashing brightly white in the dim moon light. It suddenly struck him that this man had the probably sweetest smile he had ever seen, and it filled him with a new warmth he couldn’t remember having experienced before.

“Thanks.” He leaned back, and still could feel the man’s arm wrapped around his shoulders. It felt good to know that someone was there, by his side, holding him when he needed it. For most of his life, he had felt left alone. His mother had died shortly after his birth. Uther had always been a cold and distant person. Of course, Leon had been there, and Leon was his best friend. But sitting here, next to this stranger, listening to him and knowing that he would listen in return should Arthur decide to tell him his story was an entirely different feeling. The tingling nervousness from before was still there, maybe it had even become stronger by now. Arthur wondered what this might be, but he didn’t really have the capacities to give it any more thoughts.

Of course, he had talked to Leon. They talked about probably everything. Had always done. They had also talked about Elena. About Arthur’s strange dislike more to the marriage itself than to the woman who was to become his wife. Every time Arthur had complained to him Leon had smiled at him with that strange, sad look on his face. Arthur had always taken it for pity. But this stranger had so much comfort in his eyes and in his smile that reached Arthur’s heart and warmed his soul. And suddenly, the words were just pouring out of him.

“My father wants me to marry a woman that meets my social and financial status. I have declined every English noblewoman who has offered her hand in marriage, so he finally set up my marriage with Elena, the daughter of an old friend of his. He thinks it is about the women, that I didn’t like them personally, and he thought that Elena and me had gotten along quite well when we were children and what could possibly go wrong. So Elena and I are to marry in ten days. Or probably it’s only nine more days. I don’t know.

“But what my father never understood was, it was never about the women. It was about marriage itself. I don’t want to be married. To any woman. Not yet. It feels so wrong. I don’t see myself as a husband. Even less as a father. This is not me. I don’t want this. Maybe I will, in some years, but I certainly do not now. And Uther never saw this. To him, it has always only been important that our family has a good reputation. That we are off well, financially and socially. He claims he only wants the best for me, sure, but he doesn’t even listen to me and I feel like I am going mad and at some days I just want to scream at him and pack my things and run away, but I wouldn’t even know where to go. There probably is no place where he wouldn’t find me. He has good connections to the very top. Bloody nobility.” He laughed bitterly.

The man next to him smiled sadly. “I see… and I understand you. In a way, we both just want to escape a destiny we never wanted to have, and that was yet forced upon us.”

Arthur suddenly turned to look at him. The other man’s hand slipped off his back in the progress and immediately his shoulder felt cold and lonely, but he tried to ignore this weird feeling. “Yes. Yes, that’s exactly how it feels to me. I swear I would just… if only I could…” He paused. “How do you know about this, though?”

The young man sighed deeply. “Well, guess what. I’m running away.”

“Really? What are you running from?”

“My life.” He laughed sadly. “Just as you are.”

“But you didn’t have to marry, did you?” Arthur managed a shaky grin.

“Nah, not exactly. But I don’t want to bore you with my life story.”

“You won’t bore me. What about talking takes the weight of unspoken words off your soul?” He tried to give the other one some comfort in return, after he himself had been met with such compassion and understanding.

“Well, I guess you are right.” He made a motion as if he was wiping his hands dry on his thighs, and then started telling his own story.

“I grew up in a small village in Wales. Was born out of wedlock. And there were other things that were… _strange_ about me. Unnatural things that happened. Magic. That I couldn’t control when I was still a child. What finally led to everyone in this village blaming me and my magic for everything that went wrong. I have always been the outsider, but when you constantly get blamed for everything, at some point you just can’t bear it any longer. So I was actually happy when my friend Gwaine showed up on my doorstep with tickets for the _Titanic_. Yeah, and that’s why I’m here now,” he ended his story and looked at Arthur, cautiously so, waiting for a reaction.

But Arthur just smiled at him, and he gave his best to make this smile look genuine and confident. “And I am glad that you are. I’m glad you were there – are there – to talk to me. Seriously.”

“You’re welcome,” the other one replied quietly.

“It’s a little strange though. I’ve never met anyone with magic.”

“Well and I’ve never met a nobleman,” the other one retorted.

Arthur laughed. “Fair point.” Then, he added: “Can I ask you another thing?”

“Sure.”

“What does it feel like – running away?”

“That’s a good question, actually. I’m still trying to figure that out for myself right now, I guess.” The man sounded kind of sad. “I really liked the idea of leaving home, starting a completely new life somewhere else. Somewhere where nobody knows me. But now that I actually did it, I am no longer sure if it really was the right decision.” He looked Arthur straight in the eye. “Whatever you do, if you really should decide to run away one day, remember that it can be pretty hard to go back. Sometimes even impossible.”

“I will.” Arthur nodded. “Even though I am more afraid of – being forced to come back. I know Uther. I don’t think he would let me go.”

“That’s also bad.”

“Yes. Probably. I mean, I haven’t tried it yet. Running away.”

“Let me know when you do.” The other one winked at him. “Running away can be a bit lonely at times. Maybe you want some company once in a while.”

“I will, certainly. But I don’t even know where to look for you.”

“Just ask for Merlin. Third Class. Cabin 513. I’m sure you’ll find me.”

“Merlin? Nice to meet you. I’m Arthur.”

He held out his hand and Merlin took it. Then, they fell silent, but still sat next to each other on the bench for quite a while. Even though they didn’t talk anymore it wasn’t uncomfortable to just sit there and listen to the waves and the wind and the ship’s engines. Only when his teeth started chattering Arthur did realise the icy wind tugging at his clothes and hair. He must have started shaking lightly from the cold rather than from emotion quite a while ago.

The man next to him suddenly looked at him again. “What do you say, should we go back inside? Your lips are turning blue and I wouldn’t want you to freeze to death out here. That would be really sad. One posh nobleman less on this ship.”

Arthur shook his head. “My lips turning blue? Bullshit. You can’t even see that in this light.”

But Merlin just laughed his wonderful soft laugh, stood up and held out his hand towards Arthur to pull him to his feet. Somewhat gratefully, Arthur reached out for it, and when their fingers touched the strange nervousness prickled once again in his stomach.

They went back inside and then stood somewhat awkwardly in between the stairs leading upwards to the First Class part of the ship and the ones leading downwards to Merlin’s Third Class cabin. Awkwardly, they exchanged a few more looks, then Arthur finally found his voice again. He cleared his throat. “Thank you again…”

Merlin grinned. “What for, even?”

Arthur smiled at him. His eyes were still burning from all the crying earlier, but at least he felt a lot better now. “Thank you so much for… talking to me, I guess.”

“Well, you’re welcome.” Merlin smiled back at him, shily. Was he blushing, or was it just the cold that painted his cheeks red? Arthur wasn’t sure.

“I think I… have to go now. Back to my posh First Class cabin.” He tried to laugh, but it sounded more like a sob.

“Yeah… yeah you do that.” Merlin tried to smile at him, but it also looked like it took him an unusually huge effort.

“Yeah.” They stared at each other for another while, soft blue eyes locked with stormy grey ones. Until Arthur suddenly felt too hot and had to avert his gaze. “Right, I’ll… get going now, I guess.”

“Of course.” Merlin nodded, still looking at him. Arthur took one step backwards.

“So… good night.”

“Yeah, good night.”

He finally tore himself away from Merlin and this whole awkward situation. As he went up the stairs and heard Merlin beneath him running downwards he felt even more heat rushing into his face, and he wished he could have explained to himself why that was.

<°)))>< *~*~* ><(((°>

As soon as he saw Arthur disappearing up the stairs Merlin tore his gaze away, or he would probably have stood there all night staring after a man who had long left. This should not have happened. Not at all. This Arthur was definitely not the person he should have run into, because he was confusing and upsetting and all in all Merlin really didn’t need a broken heart on top of his other internal struggles.

It helped a little that he had to concentrate on finding his way back to his cabin. That way at least he could not think too much about Arthur for the moment. How soft his light hair had looked when the wind had played with the strands. How it had gleamed in the pale moon light. How full and soft his lips had looked. Probably it was already to late to not think about this Arthur.

When he reached his cabin, the other three men were already asleep, or pretending to be asleep. Nobody stirred when he sneaked in, closed the door as quietly as he could, looked through his bag in search for his nightshirt, put his other clothes off and the nightshirt on and then climbed up into his bed. Gwaine on the other side of the room was snoring lightly. Lancelot and Percival seemed to be quiet sleepers.

Tiredly, Merlin curled up beneath his surprisingly soft and very warm and comfortable blanket. This day had been really exhausting, all of it. From dragging Gwaine out of that pub onto the _Titanic_ (had this really only happened fifteen hours ago?) to meeting Arthur on the Promenade Deck. And he had the feeling that it was Arthur, not Gwaine, who would give him the most trouble throughout the journey. Merlin already knew that he was hopeless when it came to falling in love and even more hopeless when he tried to forget about the guys he had fallen in love with. Arthur would be no exception. He wasn’t sure yet if the fact that they would most likely never see each other again would make it easier or harder for him to forget. But at least he had to try it.

Finally he drifted off, his thoughts restlessly circling around Arthur while the waves gently rocked him and the ship to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whelp, they haven't been on this ship for 24h yet and the fic is already at 10k XD but at least they have met now, finally xP tell me if you liked their first encounter!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have finally finished writing this so I hope I can keep up my editing speed and post once a week or maybe even more often, we'll see :)

Gwaine woke him the next morning, at a time when Merlin still felt too tired to move, but the sun was shining outside and Lancelot and Percival seemed to be already up and about. “Come on, lazy daisy, we’ll arrive in Queenstown in about three hours! You better get some breakfast before we actually make our way towards the open Atlantic Ocean. You might get sea-sick, who knows.”

Groggily Merlin sat up, ran a hand through his hair in an attempt to smoothen his unruly locks and yawned. He didn’t care for Queenstown, or the Atlantic Ocean, but admittedly he was hungry. Then, his gaze fell onto Gwaine who was still staring at him. “What?”

“Nothing. Nothing,” his friend sighed. “Just… you had me a little worried last night. Running away like this, and not returning for forever.”

Last night.

The words immediately brought a lot more details of the _last night_ to Merlin’s mind, and one of these details – one of the most relevant ones – was Arthur. Arthur’s hair that was golden and pale in the moonlight, his desperate sobs, his voice that sounded a little raw from crying but still so very beautiful. Fuck. He would love to blame Gwaine for this onslaught of emotions, but to be fair, he would have remembered Arthur anyways. Forgetting this wonderful, handsome man must be impossible.

“I just wondered - You took forever to come back to us last night. I wondered where you might have run off to.” Gwaine looked genuinely worried.

Merlin sighed. “It’s fine. I took a walk on the Promenade Deck.”

“For two hours? Must be some huge ass Third Class Promenade Deck.”

“I met someone. We talked. Satisfied?”

At Merlin’s words Gwaine’s face split into a huge grin. “Ohh, met someone, did you? Must have been quite the Prince Charming, considering how long it took you to find your way back to the cabin.”

“Shut up!” Merlin tried to sound resolute but couldn’t help the furious blush spreading across his face. “Why should it matter anyways?”

“Oh, because he seems to have turned your head quite a bit.” Gwaine winked.

Merlin didn’t answer to that. He just scrambled down from the top bunk, looked through his bag for a fresh shirt and walked over to Lancelot who was standing at the washtub. “Come on, let’s just have breakfast, okay?”

<°)))>< *~*~* ><(((°>

In his posh First Class cabin, Arthur was woken up by Leon around the same time that Merlin was accused of having met his Prince Charming. Of course he didn’t know any of that accusation, he just groaned into his pillow and tried to hide his face from the gleaming sunbeams. Leon though pulled off his blanket mercilessly.

“Come on, up you get! Your father is already out for a walk with Godwyn on the Promenade Deck, and we have nearly reached Queenstown. Elena is waiting for you. Together with breakfast.”

“Oh, no,” Arthur sighed, “Why Elena?”

“She’s your fiancée, even if you don’t like it.” Leon sat down on the bed and patted his shoulder. “Come on, at least there will be breakfast.”

“The only thing to brighten my day, for now.” Arthur sat up. “Tell me, how mad is my – Uther?”

Leon’s face fell. “Do you really want me to speak of it?”

“Yes. Preferably in front of Elena.” With a grim face Arthur got up and put on a shirt. He could still wash later. There would be enough time to kill after breakfast.

With hunger as his only motivation Arthur followed Leon through the suite to the room where Elena was already sitting at the table, and she was looking grumpy. Not as grumpy as Uther probably would have looked, but grumpy enough so that Arthur didn’t really want to deal with her right now.

“Arthur, what took you so long?” she threw at him as soon as he entered the room. “I wanted to wait for you, but my eggs got cold and now I have basically finished my breakfast before you had the decency to show up.”

Arthur only shrugged. “I’m sorry, I was asleep.”

Elena took the serviette from her lap, wiped her mouth and then threw it angrily onto her empty plate. “Yes, of course you were. Well, I hope you have a good day now, well-rested as you surely must be. By the way, your father wants to have a word with you.” She stood up and left the room.

With a sigh, Arthur plopped down onto a chair. “Tell me, Leon, why does this day start just as shitty as the last one has ended?”

Leon only shrugged before he got Arthur some cold eggs and toast. “Maybe because you are still on this ship with your father, your fiancée and her father, and you still don’t want to marry her…” Arthur pulled a face. “I’m sorry,” Leon added quickly, “I didn’t mean to offend you.”

“No, no, it’s all right, you didn’t.” Arthur sighed. After having basically skipped dinner last night he was really hungry now. It didn’t matter to him that his breakfast was cold, he dug in without hesitation.

Leon watched him for some time with little amusement. Then, out of the blue, he asked Arthur: “Where did you go last night? I was looking for you, but couldn’t find you. Your father – ”

“Uther,” Arthur corrected him. “That bastard is no longer my father.”

“Uther, then. He only told me that you had stormed off and that he certainly wouldn’t go looking for you. And when I couldn’t find you anywhere… you had me worried.”

“Went for a walk. Promenade Deck,” Arthur replied with his mouth full.

“I didn’t find you there.”

“Third Class Promenade Deck.”

“Right.” Leon took a sip from his tea cup. “For… I don’t even know. Two hours? Three? Four? When did you even come back last night?”

“Late.”

“On your own?”

“Yes.”

“For all those hours?”

“None of your business.”

“Come on, Arthur, don’t be like that. I understand that your fa- that Uther upset you. Hell, I would have been upset, too. But also I am afraid of what might happen if you… I don’t want you to talk to me when you don’t feel like it, but maybe it helps, okay? I’ll always be there to listen to you. And please, do all of us, but especially Elena, a favour and don’t fool around with any Third Class girls.”

“Don’t worry. That certainly did not happen last night.” Arthur took another slice of bread from the table and stood up. “Thanks for keeping me company, Leon. I appreciate it. You’re the only decent person on this ship that I still can talk to, after all.” He managed a weak smile. “But I think I’d prefer to be alone for the rest of the day.”

Leon only nodded. “Don’t miss dinner. I’ll come looking for you at half past five.”

Arthur hardly heard him. He wasn’t listening to him anyways. He just wanted to get out, not talk and definitely not think about last night on the Third Class Promenade Deck. About what had happened. Whom he had met. He had made himself so vulnerable in that moment, but this stranger – this Merlin – had not made him feel it. Merlin had made him feel a lot of other things though, things that Arthur was still trying to process. Things that were the reason why Arthur spent most of his day idly lying in bed staring at the ceiling.

There was something about Merlin. Something he couldn’t quite put a finger onto. His face, pale and gleaming in the moonlight, had engraved itself into his memory. His questions that had been so annoying had pierced his soul like needles. His smile had been… there truly was no other word for it, his smile had been intoxicating. As had been his laugh. And his voice. What was it about Merlin that made it impossible for Arthur to forget him?

It was not what he felt for Leon. That close friendship, the almost brotherly love they shared was something different. And unlike Elena’s presence, Merlin’s hadn’t felt uncomfortable. The touches on his shoulders hadn’t felt uncomfortable. He had liked them. They had comforted him. And right now, he wished Merlin would come back to him, put his hands back on his shoulders and comfort him once again like he had done last night. He could cheer him up with his nosy questions, and Arthur would make him laugh in return.

Maybe this was what having a real friend felt like. Not someone like Leon whom he had grown up with, but someone who was really just a friend. He felt like Merlin was someone he could talk to, about everything. Just like they had done last night. Someone Elena, or any other woman, could probably never be.

In the afternoon his brain felt like jelly and he really needed some air and would have loved to go for a short walk on the Promenade Deck. Maybe he would even have looked for Leon, but he was too afraid that if he left his room he might run into Elena, or, even worse, Uther and Godwyn. So he stayed in his room until Leon came to fetch him for dinner. He took a book from his suitcase and tried to read, but he just couldn’t focus on the words in front of his eyes. His mind was too busy definitely not thinking about Merlin.

<°)))>< *~*~* ><(((°>

Merlin himself spent most of his day on the Third Class Promenade Deck with Gwaine, who in turn spent most of his time with Lancelot and Percival. The sun was shining, but the wind was icy cold. It was only the 11th April after all, the cold of winter was still lingering in the air and especially in the water the ship was navigating through. Lost in thoughts, Merlin stared down into the waves, his hand running idly over the cool metal of the rail. Arthur had stood here, last night, just like he was standing here now, staring down into the ocean, watching the waves.

What had happened shouldn’t have happened, absolutely not. He should probably regret talking to Arthur, but his heart kept on fluttering nervously whenever he so much as saw a blonde guy about Arthur’s height walking along the deck. Merlin had to constantly keep telling himself that Arthur was still a posh First Class prat who had only come down here by accident and would certainly not return. Especially not for him. And yet, he couldn’t stop thinking about him. Whenever he looked up to the First Class Deck and saw a young woman about his own age, he wondered if maybe she was the fiancée Arthur had mentioned. The one he didn’t want to marry.

No matter how hard he tried to forget about Arthur and their meeting, or to at least ignore the feelings for Arthur that were now definitely blossoming in his chest, he couldn’t. He just… couldn’t. Again and again, Arthur was sneaking his way into Merlin’s straying thoughts. He thought about the desperation in his sobs and his voice when they first started talking, about the silver shimmer the moonlight had covered his golden hair in and the warmth of Arthur’s body beneath his hand. He had felt it through the fabric of Arthur’s clothes, as if it had been burning it’s way –

No. Merlin forced his thoughts into a different direction. This pining and longing wouldn’t get him anywhere. Arthur was unreachable for him, in every aspect that he could think of, and probably in a dozen other aspects as well. He was wealthy, noble, had a First Class ticket, was engaged to a woman and had no other choice than to marry her. The only thing he would get from thoughts like these was a broken heart. And by now one could think he should have learned how bloody much a broken heart could hurt.

When the others took him with them for dinner, he was tagging along behind them listlessly. He didn’t feel much like company, especially not Gwaine’s company, because he knew how Gwaine could be when it came to feelings. Especially his own feelings, but other persons’ feelings were bad, too. He usually didn’t mean it as harshly as it came across, Merlin knew this, and he had talked about this with Gwaine in the past. But his friend just couldn’t help himself sometimes. Even with this knowledge though, it definitely could hurt him. And indeed tonight was no exception.

Gwaine seemed to be in an extraordinarily good mood that night, especially after they had sat down in the dining saloon on a table with full plates and bottles of ale. “The food’s great. Definitely worth the 36$ I paid for this ticket. Have you even tried the apples?”

Merlin just shook his head.

“You should,” Gwaine told him with his mouth full. “They are delicious.”

“Not in the mood.” Merlin sighed and picked at his mashed potatoes.

“Aww, tell us, Merlin, what did that someone do to you? You look quite lovestruck today,” Gwaine told him.

Merlin felt himself blushing, but still tried to deny it. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. Could you pass me the salt, Percival?” He nodded gratefully at the man and tried to ignore Gwaine’s knowing grin.

“Oh, come on, you do know what I mean. Why don’t you tell us about her? What her hair looks like, and her eyes, how you met her and what you talked about. Or what you ‘talked’ about, that’s fine too.”

That his friend just assumed he had met a girl made Merlin angry, even though he suspected that Gwaine only said this to not out him to Lancelot and Percival right away. “Oh, shut up, Gwaine, there was no ‘her’ I could have met, so drop it, will you?” With an exasperated sigh, he dropped his spoon into the potatoes. The potatoes splashed and he cursed under his breath when he noticed the large, yellowish stain that was now prominently displayed on the front of his best shirt. Carefully he looked around, but Lancelot and Percival seemed to be mostly busy with their own dinner, so he risked it to murmur a quick spell, his eyes flashed gold and the stain disappeared.

Gwaine must have seen it, but his friend, as always, ignored his magic and instead picked up their talk again. He pretended to pout. “Aww, now you wound me, Merlin. I thought you were my friend.”

“Mh… what’s that got to do with anything?”

“Well, it has everything to do with you meeting random people on the Promenade Deck and trying to court them. Staying out late, worrying me half to death and then not telling me a single word about it.”

Merlin just shook his head. “Oh, shut up, Gwaine. I think I’m not hungry anymore. I’ll just go to bed I guess. Have a nice evening.” With this he got up and went back to the cabin, alone. If Gwaine, Percival and Lancelot wanted to enjoy themselves they could very well gossip about his definitely-not-crush. But he was very much not up for this. He was tired and would try to sleep early tonight.

Trying didn’t work though. He just laid there in his bed, the blanket he had drawn up to his chin felt too warm and too cool at the same time and he hoped the slow movements of the ship would eventually lull him to sleep. They didn’t though, and his thoughts started wandering once more. Well, not really wandering. With deadly certainty they returned to the late night talk he had had last night, over and over again. He remembered how he had put his hand on Arthur’s shoulder – god, he had just touched him! It had probably been highly inappropriate, Arthur was one of those posh nobles who probably wouldn’t even have looked on Merlin, or wrinkled his nose if they had passed each other in the street. But for whatever reason he had shown up on the Third Class deck and Merlin had just _touched his shoulder_! And his hands. He had touched his hands, too. And now those few touches would probably forever be engraved in his memory.

Arthur’s hands had been so cold, but his shoulder had felt so warm, and his sobs had sounded so desperate. The way he had leaned into Merlin’s touch, trusting and longing – no, he probably only imagined this. His brain was telling him what he wanted to believe was true.

But also Arthur had opened up to him, he _had_ trusted him, and they had talked for hours. Or rather, they had sat out there for hours, first talking, then in silence, just drawing mutual comfort from the other man’s presence. It had been good to know that he was not alone. Maybe Arthur had felt the same. That must have been why he had smiled at Merlin so happily when they had parted ways. Because their talk had lifted a weight off his heart and his shoulders, and now he could continue living his posh life with his fiancée and his father, who no longer was his father though, and –

Again, he thought of the way their hands had touched. How soft Arthur’s cool skin had felt, how his hair had shimmered. His red-rimmed eyes had looked so blue it had been almost surreal. Merlin could only imagine what they would look like in sunlight. Certainly gorgeous. And how Arthur’s face would probably lighten up when he laughed…

When Gwaine, Percival and Lancelot came to their cabin about two hours later Merlin was still wide awake. He pretended to be asleep though, to avoid annoying and probably also very awkward conversations. He would have enough of them tomorrow for sure. At least the others were considerate enough to be quiet when they went to bed. A few minutes later, Gwaine’s monotonous snoring started, and it was probably the familiarity of it that actually helped Merlin to finally fall asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

It was the early morning of the 12th April when Arthur woke up after a very quiet and a little awkward dinner that had still been more enjoyable than the one he had had the night before. At least yesterday he hadn’t ended up nearly jumping over board or throttling Uther, or both. He and Elena had exchanged few looks and even fewer words, and Leon had been a quiet but comforting presence at his side. Then, for about three hours, when everyone had just left him in peace, his life had seemed almost bearable.

Now though he was facing a new problem, and said new problem had dark hair and very blue eyes and the most intoxicating smile Arthur had ever seen, and his name was Merlin. The problem about Merlin was that Arthur had dreamed of him, very vividly, he could remember embarrassing details, and also the dream had left him far more excited than it should have.

This was what had woken him up: the not unknown, but very much unwelcome feeling of heat and pressure in his lower abdomen. He squeezed his eyes shut and willed his erection to go away, but it didn’t help. His arousal was just as present as the image of Merlin that he had seen in his dream, a laughing and happy and carefree and _very naked_ Merlin, and this left him shocked and a little upset and with a throbbing hard on that demanded more attention than Arthur was willing to pay.

He got up to wash himself, and while he splashed cool water all down his chest and belly he tried to think of the most… un-arousing things that came to his mind. Uther yelling at him. Uther naked. Uther yelling at him while they were both naked. In public.

This then reminded him of one of his classmates who had once tried to describe the sheer horror of walking in on his parents doing _it_ and Arthur gave a half-hearted attempt at imagining his own parents in the same situation. It turned out to be a very bad idea, though. Not because of his parents, as Arthur actually (luckily) found out that he had a hard time imagining them, mainly probably because all he knew of his mother were two framed photographs on a sideboard at home. No, the actual problem was that his brain thought it might be a good idea to come up with images of himself – and Elena.

Arthur was 19 years old, he knew how sex worked, in theory. And he had no real problem imagining himself in this situation. Only when it came to Elena, his fiancée, his future wife god damn it, he found that he couldn’t really process the thought, and that he definitely did not enjoy the idea of it at all. The idea of doing it with Elena was almost repulsive to him, definitely not arousing, and it made him feel bad, because he was to marry that woman after all.

Without really thinking about it, Arthur dipped his head in the washing bowl. The cool water was supposed to help him clear his thoughts, but it only ran into his ears and soaked his hair. Still, he stayed down there as long as he could without having to breathe. It was quiet and cool and the darkness behind his closed eyelids made him feel isolated from everyone he had to spend time with. People like Elena and Uther, mainly. Today was one of those days when he just wanted to stay away from everyone, but he couldn’t. Today would also be a particularly bad day, he was certain. Because today he knew why he wanted to stay away, and it was a pretty bad reason.

He had fallen for this Merlin fellow.

And suddenly, everything clicked into place. Everything made sense to him. What had been so repulsive about Elena’s presence and her touches and her smiles. Why he had loathed the idea of marrying her, or any other woman. And why he had enjoyed the touch of Merlin’s warm hand on his shoulder. A more or less fortunate meeting and a more or less pleasant dream had uncovered what Arthur had feared and therefore denied to be the truth for probably years now.

A hand touched his back, Arthur jumped and looked up. “Jesus Christ!”

“You can still call me Leon.”

Arthur glared at him. “Wasn’t funny the first time. Didn’t get funnier over the years.”

“Sorry.” Leon grinned.

“So? What is it?”

“Oh yeah. Breakfast. Uther wants to know if you will show up.”

Arthur shrugged. “Do I have a choice?”

Leon shrugged. “I could tell them you’re ill.”

“Uther wouldn’t care.”

“No, probably not.”

Arthur sighed deeply. “Would you hand me that shirt, please?”

Leon handed him a towel instead. “What about getting dry first? Seriously, Arthur, are you all right? You really look a little ill.”

“Don’t worry, I’m fine. Also I really can’t let you get away with having all the bacon.” Arthur tried a grin, but the corners of his mouth felt like glued to his jaw bone. He took the towel from Leon’s hands. He dried his skin and his hair. He pulled his shirt over his head and ran his fingers through his still wet hair. Then, he put on his trousers and followed Leon out of the room.

At the back of his consciousness, a thought was nudging him to speak with his friend about the frightening realisation he had just had. His heart was aching for Leon’s soothing words, for his comfort, and yet he feared that he might push him away because of what was clear to him now. Yet there was no way for him to not tell Leon about this. He did not want to live another lie. His engagement was bad enough already.

<°)))>< *~*~* ><(((°>

When Merlin awoke the next morning the sun was shining brightly, his heart was still heavy and Gwaine was smiling at him from the other top bunk across the room. Lancelot and Percival still seemed to be asleep. He considered to just turn around and go back to sleep for a second when Gwaine started whispering to him.

“Merls… I’m sorry.”

Tiredly he turned back to his friend and blinked a few times until his eyes had gotten used to the light. Then, he looked at his friend. “What for?”

“Yesterday. For teasing you. I should have noticed that you were serious about him. Whoever it is you met last night… the night before… you know when.”

Merlin nodded slowly. It still warmed his heart every time he heard Gwaine mention his male lovers (or crushes, in this case) without making a fuss about it. He was discreet about it around others, what had been why he had referred to a “her” last night when Lancelot and Percival had been with them. But when they were among themselves he could speak freely to Gwaine. “It’s fine. Don’t worry. I don’t have a chance anyways.”

“He’s married?”

“Engaged. And also some posh First Class nobleman. Not interested in me either way.”

“Oh. That’s – I’m sorry for you, Merlin.”

Merlin shook his head. “Don’t be. It’s probably for the better. I really should make neither my life nor his more difficult than it already is.”

Gwaine’s smile widened. “See, that’s why you need a boyfriend. Someone to be at your side when I can’t be there.”

“Sure.” Merlin snorted. “But it won’t be him. He has enough troubles of his own already. No need for a poor sod who’s life is as instable and full of uncertainties as mine. And also I’m pretty sure he would never want to live with someone who has magic.” His last words had died down to a barely audible whisper. 

“Ah, you don’t know that! I’m certain, one day you will find someone who can understand it and accept it and love you just the same. And who knows, maybe – ” A sound from the bottom bunk made him shut his mouth for a second. “You know, those First Class ladies, they’re all the same. Very beautiful for sure, but for someone like you and me? Just unreachable. Better get her out of your head. Find yourself a good girl within your range.”

Merlin at once played along, with a slightly annoyed roll of his eyes that only Gwaine saw though, but with a remarkably sad voice. “I know… I know. But that doesn’t help much right now, you know?”

Beneath Gwaine, Percival sat up and rubbed his eyes. Then he, too, smiled at Merlin. “Don’t worry, Merlin. Even though it may be hard for some time to forget about them. There will be many others, and one day, you’ll find the right one. I’m certain.” He leaned over to shake Lancelot awake.

Gwaine and Merlin exchanged a quick look, and Merlin gave Gwaine a quick, grateful nod that his friend returned. When Merlin now got up, it was with a small but relieved smile on his lips. Still was Arthur there, somewhere on this ship, yet unreachable, and his heart ached for him, but it was good to know that his best friend would always be at his side.

Again, they spent most of their day on deck, enjoying the light and the wind and the way the sun slowly warmed the air at the beginning of the year, even though the cold of winter was still lingering. Merlin had brought his map with his drawings and empty sheets with him, but didn’t even attempt to draw anything as today he honestly tried to participate in their conversation more actively. Yet he couldn’t help his thoughts from straying to Arthur from time to time. Neither did it really help that his friends were once again talking about their plans for their new lives in the United States.

It was Lancelot who finally looked straight at Merlin, smiled at him as encouragingly as possible and told him: “Don’t worry, Merlin. Life on the other side of the pond cannot be too different from your life back in Britain. Once you get settled in, you will certainly find friends, work and maybe even a girlfriend. And you will still have Gwaine. And Percival and me, we’ll be there for you, too, whenever we can and you need our help.”

Merlin smiled at him, grateful for the kind offer. “That’s very generous of you. Thank you.”

“Always. Do you want to share your plans, too? Maybe we can give you a few hints already. I have some relatives in Philadelphia. A cousin of mine’s working as a mechanic. Has his own garage. Maybe he can take you in, if that would be something you’re good at.”

“Lancelot, this is… Please, don’t get me wrong, I really appreciate your offer, but… I’m definitely not… a mechanic.” Merlin blushed. ‘Besides, I really cannot risk being around people,’ he added silently in his mind.

“Shame. He could have done with a helping hand. His wife’s pregnant, you know. You could also help her run her little shop if that’s more what you fancy.”

“Oh, that is… great, congratulations.” Merlin sighed. “See, Lancelot, I really am grateful for you trying to help me. But also I really don’t think it would be good for me to be around people… that I somehow might get attached to. Emotionally. It was bad enough at home already.”

Lancelot and Percival exchanged a look. “Is this… because of your magic?” Lancelot finally asked, hesitantly so.

“My magic?” Merlin nearly jumped out of his skin. How did they know?

“I saw you, last night, at dinner. You were… murmuring something, and the stain on your shirt disappeared… magically?” Admittedly, Lancelot sounded uncertain about it.

A stranger walked past them, and they all fell silent. As soon as he was out of earshot though, Merlin closed his eyes in defeat. “Yeah. Yeah it was magic.” He sighed deeply and then continued with his voice lowered. “I have magic, I was born with it, and that’s why I’m trying to get to New York. Start a new life. On my own, if possible. I don’t want anyone to suffer from prejudices and discrimination because of me.”

“This is okay, Merlin. I understand completely.” Lancelot’s smile was small but genuine. “I wish you all the best… _we_ wish you all the best. And I am sorry if it felt like I was pressuring you earlier.”

“Oh, don’t worry about it.” Merlin couldn’t help but sniffle a little. His eyes were suddenly wet. “And thank you, this is…I am really, really grateful. You are the kindest people I ever met, I think.” Gwaine coughed audibly and pouted. “Yeah, besides you, Gwaine, of course.” Merlin huffed a laugh. “But maybe you see my biggest problem besides the class difference when it comes to…” He fell silent.

Again, it was Lancelot who began to speak after a few moments of silence. “Look, I’m sure if a woman really loves you, she will love you no matter what, if with or without magic. There are enough people out there who”

“And I’m also sure that one day you will find your special someone,” Percival added. “Maybe, who knows, it will even be that person you met two nights ago. These are things that cannot be foreseen.”

Merlin blushed and looked down, Gwaine patted Merlin’s back and smiled at him encouragingly. “See, I keep telling you, having magic is not the end of the world. Your man will certainly be able to live with it, too.”

“His man?” Percival looked up.

Merlin blushed crimson; he wasn’t really sure if he should be embarrassed or furious or frightened, or all of them at once.

Gwaine though had clasped his hand in front of his mouth, he was blushing too, even if only slightly so, and looked so guilty that Merlin could not even really be mad at him.

Now that there really was no way out of it, at least none that Merlin could come up quickly enough so it wouldn’t be suspicious, he sighed deeply. Apparently, today was his day for confessions. “It wasn’t a woman I met the day before yesterday on the Promenade Deck. It was a man.”

“And that means… ?” Percival looked at Merlin in surprise, but not judging.

So Merlin confirmed it again: “I fell in love with _him_. I am…” He closed his mouth again, his voice breaking. His fingers were shaking.

“Oh,” Percival nearly whispered. “Merlin… hey, Merlin. Don’t be… Don’t worry, I mean, I am… Me too.”

Merlin blinked slowly. “Do you mean… oh. Oh.” He just stared at Percival in wonder while the other man bit his lip nervously. His eyes were glistening with a hidden smile though, and Merlin saw it. Slowly, his own face lit up a little. “Thank you for telling me… us. It means a lot to me.”

“Well, you were the most courageous one. The first one to break the news,” Percival replied. “It is us who should feel honoured.”

Lancelot suddenly went all serious. “So, tell us again, Merlin, why should this guy you fell for not want to date you?”

Merlin sighed, his face all melancholic again. “First of all, he’s engaged. Second, I’m – ”

Lancelot interrupted him. “And that changes what exactly? Wouldn’t be the first guy I’d hear of who met the love of his life mere weeks before his own wedding and just ran away with them.”

Merlin understood that his friends were now actively trying to cheer him up, and he managed a weak laugh. “Yes, but do you really think I am the guy someone would run away with?”

“Why not? You’re handsome.”

“Running away on a ship might get a bit hard.”

“Ah, see, now we’re already discussing the logistics of it.” Lancelot grinned with satisfaction. “No, of course he will run away after we have reached New York.”

Merlin shook his head. “To put up with a strange boy who happens to have magic? You don’t really think he would give up all his advantages in life for this.”

Gwaine now poked his ribs with a cheeky grin. “Listen, Merlin, there are people out there who accept your magic and your preference for men, why shouldn’t your posh First Class crush be a little like them? And honestly if he isn’t, he doesn’t deserve you anyways.”

“I know… I know.” Merlin smiled at his friends and tried his very hardest to be as positive about the whole situation as they were. But it was hard, and he couldn’t stop thinking that no matter what Gwaine told him about Arthur not deserving him if he didn’t accept his magic, Merlin knew that being rejected by Arthur would bloody hurt.

<°)))>< *~*~* ><(((°>

It was late evening already, after dinner, when Arthur finally found the time and opportunity to talk to Leon. They were out for a late night walk on the Promenade Deck, the wind blowing coldly down from the north and the stars twinkling overhead. The night was just as beautiful as the one before the last had been.

Arthur had been nervous and a little anxious about this all day. He did not really want to talk to Leon, and he was afraid how his friend would react, but also there was the overwhelming need to talk to _somebody_ about it, somebody he knew could be trusted. If someone would not turn away from him after a confession like this, it was probably Leon.

They walked in silence while Arthur tried to gather all his courage. When he finally started speaking, his words cut through the dark and icy air like a blunt knife. His voice sounded like it was not his own, not even coming from his body. Yet he was somehow relieved that he had finally started speaking.

“About this morning, Leon…”

“Yes. What about it?”

“There is something I wanted to… tell you? Talk to you about it? I don’t even know.”

“Is it about Uther?”

“No.”

“What has Elena done to you, then?”

Arthur looked at Leon. “How do you know this might have something to do with Elena?”

Leon laughed a little. “I know you fairly well, Arthur, don’t forget this. You’ve been my best friend for so many years…”

“Let’s just hope you will still be my friend after this,” Arthur murmured more to himself than to Leon. Then, he took a deep breath. “I know now why I don’t want to marry her. Or any other woman, for that matter.”

“And that is?”

“I don’t like women… that way.” His hands started sweating as he waited for Leon’s reaction.

“Oh. Yeah, then it makes sense that you don’t want to marry one.” Leon nodded thoughtfully.

Arthur stared at him in disbelief. “This is all you have to say on that matter?”

Leon shrugged. “I don’t know, what should I say? You will forever be my best friend, Arthur, you preferring men over women doesn’t change anything. I’ll always be at your side, come what may.”

Arthur sighed in relief. “God, Leon, thank you. I don’t even know what to say. I’m so glad to have you.”

Leon just pulled him into a tight hug and held him close. “And I’m glad to have you.” He hesitated a moment before he asked: “You don’t have to tell me, of course, but I wonder… is there a someone who made you realise it?”

Arthur just nodded against his chest.

“Do I know him?”

Now Arthur shook his head. He lifted his head again and looked at Leon. “And I wish I wouldn’t know him either.”

“But… aren’t you, I don’t know, in love with him? Sorry if this was too – ”

Arthur moved away from Leon, he ran a hand through his hair, his voice more desperate now. “I am, and that is the problem! There will never be a chance for one of us to… we will never have the possibility to… be together.”

“Oh, Arthur.”

“Even though… I would like that. Very much.”

Leon put an arm around Arthur’s shoulders and gestured to continue walking. Then, he told him: “How can you know this for certain? I know, you are engaged with Elena, but there are always options… You wouldn’t be the first to run away on the morning of his wedding day, just saying.”

Arthur stared at him in indignantly. “But I can’t – just running away is – Uther would kill me! Besides,” his voice dropped, “I don’t even know if he likes me. Hell, he probably isn’t even interested in men at all.”

“You won’t know that until you try and find out.” Leon winked.

“Hm. Maybe.”

“Seriously, what do you have to lose? If he declines, you can just pretend that it never happened. That you never met. Nobody had to know.”

Arthur snorted. “It only would break my heart.”

“Oh.” Leon’s face fell. “Yeah, that’s true. I’m sorry, I didn’t think this far.”

“It’s okay.” Arthur sighed. “I wouldn’t even know how to talk to him again. Seriously, I don’t have much hope. When we met, I was literally crying. He can’t have a high opinion of me.”

“But he stayed with you and talked to you for some time?”

“He did. For over two hours to be exact.”

“Then you can’t have turned him off immediately.”

“If you say so.”

“I do.” Leon grinned. “Why don’t you try to speak to him again?”

“And how do you suggest I do that?”

“Hmmm…” Leon thought for a moment. “Why don’t you invite him for dinner? That gives you two an opportunity to talk when you invite him, and if he really is not interested in you, neither as a friend nor as… something more, he can just politely decline the offer.”

“But – no, I can’t, he’s a Third Class passenger! How do you even think I can get to speak to him?”

“I don’t know? How did you do it last time? Just show up on the Third Class deck, I’m sure you will run into him sooner or later. Or did he tell you his cabin number?”

“Why should he – ” Arthur fell silent when he remembered that actually, yes, Merlin _had_ told him his cabin number. “Okay, fine. I will go to talk to him. Tomorrow. But I… do you really think I should invite him for dinner?”

“Why not, seriously? It would be the perfect opportunity for the two of you to spend some time together, to talk, to find out what you want.”

“But we’ll be in public all the time.”

“I am sure you will find the one or the other opportunity to speak in private, too.”

“How can you be so certain?” Arthur looked at him.

Leon smiled. “Because you look determined enough to come up with more than a handful of excuses to sneak away from the dinner table with your someone. You haven’t told me his name yet, by the way.”

“Merlin. His name is Merlin.”

For a short while, they kept walking in silence. The longer Arthur thought about Leon’s idea of inviting Merlin for dinner tomorrow evening, the better he liked it. Surely, it would be nice to have Merlin around, to chat with him on a more casual basis, to have a few moments of privacy later to talk about more important matters. No man could know his destiny. Maybe his own was laying with Merlin and he had to find this out yet.

They had left the Promenade Deck and were already on their way back to their cabins when Arthur suddenly halted. “Leon, stop. I can’t invite him.”

“And why’s this now, all of a sudden?”

“I don’t have a reason to bring him with me. An acceptable one, that is.”

“Why does that matter?”

“I can’t just drag him along, I need a story of how we met and why exactly I decided to bring him with me.”

“Don’t worry about that. If you really want to bring him, we’ll find a solution for these formal problems. Trust me. We can just make up a story that everyone will buy.” Leon smiled at him encouragingly. “So, what do you say?”

Arthur thought about it for a moment. Then, he nodded. “I guess Uther will not really like my plans for tomorrow evening.”


	6. Chapter 6

It was almost noon on the next day, and Merlin and his friends had just gone up to the Promenade Deck to catch some fresh air. As long as the weather stayed fine it was the best place to be. After all the cheering up from his friends yesterday Merlin felt a little better now. He was still lovestruck, from time to time sighing heavily or staring across the ocean into nothingness. Once again he carried around a folder with his drawings as he did most of the time, yet today they were not talking about running away and finding jobs, but rather about their lives, sharing childhood stories and little adventures, so Merlin could tell some of his own stories. While still having no real plans for his life in the US he at least had some of those.

“Most embarrassing story… let me think…” Merlin leaned back. “Are there any?”

“I know there are some, your mother has told me plenty.” Gwaine grinned.

“Shut up, Gwaine.” Merlin shook his head. “All right, there is one. So, my best friend Will and I, we were about seven years old at that time, and Will thought it would be really funny to tell me of a hidden treasure in the barn behind old Mrs. Wilson’s house. I had no idea what actually was inside said barn, but Will talked me into it.”

Lancelot interrupted him. “Sure, Will talked you into it.” He winked. “Never your own fault, isn’t it?”

“Oh, you too, shut up.” Merlin laughed, but his cheeks were slowly turning a soft shade of pink. “So, as I said, Will had talked me into it, and then one night we took a box of matches and sneaked out of our houses and met at the barn. I had even brought a little shovel with me. Well, Will just opened the door and shoved me inside before following me, and there we were standing in the pitch dark, and I took a step, and I stepped onto something, and it screeched and I jumped out of my skin. I tried to light a match but my fingers were shaking so much, and something started fluttering right next to me, and I turned around and ran for my life. Will too, by the way, if this does anything to save my honour. We hardly found the door handle in our panic. Yeah, the next day I went back to Mrs. Wilson’s barn in daylight and I found out that she actually kept chicken in her barn, but they gave me quite a shock that night and to this day…”

The others were laughing, but Merlin trailed off, his mouth open, his eyes staring. His heart stopped. He saw two men walking down the deck, and one of them was familiar, frighteningly so, and probably should not be here.

“Merlin? Hey, Merlin, are you all right?” Gwaine snapped his fingers in front of Merlin’s face, but his friend did not react. So, Gwaine turned around to look into the direction Merlin was staring, and when he realised what Merlin was staring at, he beamed. “Oh. Oh!”

Even Percival grinned at him and asked: “Is it the one with the curly hair?”

Merlin just shook his head, his face now a deeper shade of red than Gwaine thought was still healthy.

“Well, would have surprised me, because the guy to his right is really attractive, god save me. No wonder you fell for him.” Gwaine patted Merlin’s shoulder in acknowledging.

“Well, if I got to choose, his friend with the curly hair is definitely better looking.” Percival sighed. “Hey, do you guys think he might be single?” He winked at Gwaine and Lancelot before turning to Merlin. “But he’s a handsome fellow as well, that’s for sure.”

Gwaine elbowed him in the side. “Well, then let’s get the two of you to talk, shall we?” He looked at Arthur again. “He really is handsome.”

“Right?” Merlin, still flushed, smiled happily.

Lancelot next to him only shook his head in disbelieve. “Oh my god. This is your crush?”

“So what about it?” Merlin raised an eyebrow.

“This is Arthur Pendragon! The son of Uther Pendragon, Duke of Bedford! Jesus Christ!”

“Oh god.” Merlin’s face colour almost immediately returned to a much paler shade. “Well, thanks, Lancelot, for destroying every last hope I might have had. He is not only rich, he also has name and title.” Merlin bit his lips. “Oh, why did I have to meet him?”

“Hey, try to look at the bright side. You don’t know yet what he wants from you. Maybe he wants to invite you for dinner? Who knows.”

“Oh, just shut up, Gwaine. He won’t.”

By now, Arthur and his companion had discovered Merlin and his friends. His face lit up when he saw Merlin and he called out for him: “Merlin? Is it you?”

“Hey, don’t forget to breathe,” Gwaine whispered.

Merlin glared at him for a second before he got up. “Yes, I’m here. Arthur, right?”

“Yes, exactly.” Arthur nodded. “I wanted to… take you up on your offer.”

“My offer? That means, you’re running away now, too?”

A nervous laugh was the answer. “I… am certainly trying to. And I wouldn’t mind if you… told me some more about it.”

“Sure,” Merlin nodded. “Do you… want to go for a walk? To talk about it for a little more?”

“Eh, of course,” Arthur threw a quick glance to Leon. “Is it okay if you just… wait for me here?”

“Don’t worry, I have splendid company.” Leon’s smile looked a little forced, but it was still honest enough for Arthur to leave him with Gwaine, Lancelot and Percival while he went for a walk with Merlin.

As soon as they were out of earshot Merlin couldn’t hold back his curiosity. “So, what is it? What has changed your mind?”

“About running away? Uh, it’s difficult to say… Maybe we can talk somewhere more private?”

Merlin looked at him with a bit of nervousness now. He knew he shouldn’t get his hopes up… but it was hard not to when Arthur looked all flustered and excited and his cheeks were so pink and his smile so shaky. “Yeah, we could go to my cabin. Our cabin, but the others will probably stay on deck with your friend until we return.”

“All right, let’s go there then.” Arthur seemed actually relieved to leave the pretty public Promenade Deck. Yet he still looked entirely too nervous while he followed Merlin through the corridors to the cabin.

<°)))>< *~*~* ><(((°>

Back on the Promenade Deck, Leon was probably just as nervous as Arthur, but for entirely different reasons. He looked at Merlin’s friends, one after the other, and they were looking at him in return, and he felt immediately judged. This here was their world, and he was an intruder. Someone who didn’t belong here. He felt awkward.

At the same time he couldn’t help but admire one of the three, a tall man with broad shoulders and muscled arms. What caught Leon’s attention the most though was his shy little smile and the hesitant warmth in his expression when their eyes met. Leon wanted to open his mouth, say something, at least to this kind looking man, but he found that he was too nervous. He just couldn’t. The silence between the four of them stretched out until it became uncomfortable.

Finally the man with the long dark hair spoke up. “So, what’s your name? Not Arthur, I suppose?”

“Uh, no, I’m Leon. Pleased to meet you.” He was not yet sure about how pleased he really was, though.

“And you’re Arthur’s servant?” the man asked on, his eyes staring at Leon.

“No, not really. I’m his friend. We grew up together.”

“Ah. Another nobleman, then.” The man nodded but didn’t avert his eyes, and Leon couldn’t remember to have ever felt this uncomfortable in another man’s presence. Maybe when Uther and Arthur had an argument that he had witnessed. But this felt just as bad.

Luckily, one of the other two of Merlin’s friends came to his rescue. The very handsome one with the cute, shy smile. “Gwaine, leave him be. It is neither his fault that he’s a noble, nor that he is Arthur’s friend. And he seems to be decent enough.” The man, who had a very soft and melodic voice, now turned to Leon and held out his hand. “I’m Percival. Nice to meet you, Leon.”

Leon looked Percival in the eyes. Their fingers met. Heat shot up his arm and spread across his face and chest. “The pleasure is all mine.” If only he wasn’t blushing right now.

“Pleasure.” That Gwaine fellow lifted one eyebrow and whistled through his teeth. “If you aren’t careful, Percy, our dear Merlin won’t be the only one who has a date tonight.”

Percival ignored his comment, he just turned to the third man and introduced him to Leon: “And this is Lancelot.”

“Hello, Lancelot.” Leon shook hands with him too, and then awkward silence filled the air between them once more. They looked from one to the other, and nobody really knew what to say.

Finally, Percival spoke up. “Gwaine. Do you have any other suggestions for now, besides dating tips?”

“I don’t know.” Gwaine shrugged with a grin. “We were just telling stories when you came over so… why not continue where we stopped?”

“Merlin was just telling a story if I remember correctly,” Lancelot said. “But as he’s not here right now to tell a story of his own, why not you, Percival? You haven’t told one yet, and we can’t scare poor Leon off with another one of Gwaine’s drunken tavern anecdotes.”

“If you insist… let me think for a minute.” Percival put a finger to his lips, his gaze fixed on the horizon. “Have I told you the story yet of how I was mistaken for my sister? That one’s quite funny, actually…”

While listening to Percival’s story Leon’s thoughts drifted off. He was not really listening to his words, only to his voice. Percival’s voice was soft and quiet and very pleasant to listen to. It felt as warm as his hand, and it caused him goose bumps and a light shudder to run down Leon’s back.

Then, he caught himself and forced his thoughts in another direction. It wasn’t new for him that he found men attractive, but it would not help anyone if he, too, fell helplessly in love on this ship. Arthur arguing with his father while falling head over heels for this Merlin was bad enough already. Someone here had to keep a clear head, and Leon was afraid that this someone was him, as usual.

He tried his best to focus on the story again. When now his thoughts trailed off it was to hope that Arthur and Merlin would return soon. Not only to save himself from this slightly awkward conversation, but also to prevent them from doing something incredibly stupid. When it came to Arthur you could never know.

<°)))>< *~*~* ><(((°>

As soon as Merlin had closed the cabin door behind them, Arthur turned around and crossed his arms behind his back. Merlin looked at him expectantly. “So, what is it? What do you want to know?”

“Know about what?”

“Running away. You said you wanted to talk about it some more.”

“Oh. Yes, ehh, of course. I mean…” He fell silent, running out of thoughts.

Merlin laughed, but it was a friendly laugh. One that didn’t make Arthur feel patronised or humiliated like he often did when Uther laughed at him. Arthur could live with Merlin’s laugh. In fact, he wouldn’t mind hearing it again, not at all, but Merlin started speaking instead: “I take it then that you haven’t come to ask me about running away?”

“Well, in a way, I have. I just wanted to thank you again, for you talking to me that night, and for comforting me, and giving me hope that not everything was as bad as it seemed to me in that moment.” Fuck, he sounded pathetic. Why had he not prepared a speech or something? Then he would not be lost for words now. Could he not have come up with a better excuse to seek Merlin out?

“You’re still welcome, Arthur. But thanking me isn’t something you have to go down to the cabin for, is it?”

Merlin’s grin made Arthur feel all hot again, and he nearly groaned in frustration. Why was it suddenly so hard to talk? Could he not just tell Merlin what he had actually come for? “Uhm, I guess not.” No, apparently he couldn’t.

“What is it then that you want to talk about?” Suddenly Merlin appeared to be just as nervous as he himself was, judging from the way his fingers fidgeted with his neckerchief and the soft pink rising to his cheeks.

Arthur took a deep breath to steady himself. He might be nervous about this, but Merlin seemed to be just as nervous, and also he was 19 years old, he should be able to ask another man out for dinner. And if Merlin wasn’t interested in him _that way_ , he would see it as just this: an invitation for dinner. So there was no reason why he should not be able to do this.

He cleared his throat awkwardly. At first he wanted to look at Merlin, but he soon realised that he felt even more awkward when he was practically staring at the other man, and he looked slightly to the left focussing on the hinge of the door over Merlin’s shoulder.

“I wanted to ask you if you would want to join me for dinner tonight. To express my gratitude and all that.”

“Uhm.” Now it was Merlin who was at a loss for words. “You… want to invite me for a posh First Class dinner to express your gratitude for what exactly?”

“This is actually a good question. I had hoped you could help me figuring something out.” Arthur grinned sheepishly.

“What?”

“Only if you want to, of course,” he hurried to add. “Don’t feel obligated, I am sure I can come up with an explanation on my own. And don’t worry, I will let you know before – ”

Now Merlin interrupted him. “Arthur… wait a second. So, you want to invite me for dinner to express your gratitude, for some imaginary action that we still have to come up with. Fine, I can live with that. But I still would like to know why you _actually_ invite me for dinner. What is the unofficial version?”

“Oh. The unofficial version. Eh…” If only he had prepared a speech. “Because I like talking to you. It was nice two nights ago, and I was hoping to have another nice talk with you tonight, and this time maybe about more pleasant things. And because I really enjoy your company and would like to spend an evening with you while I still can.”

Had that now been too straight forward? Arthur hesitated for a moment, thought of what he could possibly add to save the situation without accidentally making it worse, but he couldn’t come up with anything.

Luckily, Merlin started smiling again, a broad grin that spread from his left large adorable ear to the right one and he looked so cute that Arthur could have swooned over it, metaphorically speaking of course. “I think I would like this posh First Class dinner very much. Thanks for inviting me.” Then, his face fell. “But I don’t have anything to wear!”

“Oh.” This was a difficulty Arthur had not taken into account when he had planned their dinner. Of course, Merlin was a Third Class passenger, he probably could barely afford this ticked, of course he had no tails in his little suitcase. He probably didn’t own a decent suit at all. What had he been thinking?

He was already about to apologise for his outrageously stupid idea and suggest that they just met after dinner and talked on the Promenade Deck like they had done last time. But Merlin had looked so happy about the invitation… “Maybe Leon can help you out,” he heard himself say. “He should have brought some spare clothes.”

“That would be… I mean, it would be great! I would certainly love it.” Merlin lowered his eyes. “I’d love to have dinner with you, but I don’t want to cause any trouble.”

“Don’t worry, you do not,” Arthur reassured him. “Now, what is the story how we met? What can we tell my – Uther?”

In the end they agreed on a story in which Arthur had somehow found his way to the Third Class part of the ship, some boy had tried to steal his purse and Merlin had heroically scared the imaginary boy off. With their backstory settled, Merlin sighed happily and beamed at Arthur.

“Thank you again. I am already looking forward to tonight.” A cute blush coloured the tips of his ears. “And by the way… I also do enjoy your company. Very much so.”

Their eyes met and for a second Arthur thought that Merlin was leaning in for a kiss. Then, he considered going in for one himself, but before he came to a decision Merlin pulled his head back and nodded sharply. “All right then. Let’s go back and find Leon, shall we? That is, if Gwaine hasn’t talked him to death yet.”

While they were walking back to the Promenade Deck through the long and narrow corridors of the ship he was wondering if maybe he should just have kissed Merlin here and now. And what might have happened if he had done it.

<°)))>< *~*~* ><(((°>

It was an hour after Merlin and Arthur had left Leon with Merlin’s friends when he saw them again on the Promenade Deck heading towards them. Leon could not remember to ever have been so relieved to see someone. Admittedly the storytelling had been quite entertaining, one of Lancelot’s anecdotes had genuinely made him laugh, and he had even shared one or two of his own stories. No, the problem was neither the stories nor Merlin’s friends. The only problem he had was that he definitely enjoyed listening to Percival’s voice more than he should. And maybe that he also liked the small smile tugging at the corners of Percival’s mouth too much. And that his gleaming blue eyes sent shivers down his spine whenever he made the mistake to look into them for longer than a brief second. So, he was relieved when Arthur showed up and told him they needed to leave.

“There are things we have to get sorted out and we need your assistance.” Leon’s relief was only short-lived though when Arthur added in the same breath: “We need to look through our wardrobes and try to find something suitable for Merlin. That he can wear tonight at dinner.”

“Uh… yes, of course, let’s have a look, shall we?” Leon gave a short nod to Lancelot, Gwaine and Percival, not without blushing when he tried to smile at the latter. “It was nice talking to you. Bye!” Then he walked away, so fast that it could almost be considered impolite, and half dragged Arthur with him. “So Merlin’s coming with us tonight?”

“Ask him yourself.” Arthur looked at his side. Merlin was no longer there. He turned around. Merlin was standing awkwardly about halfway between himself and his friends, unsure whether to follow Arthur and Leon or not. “Come along, Merlin. We need you to try on the clothes.”

Leon winked at Arthur. “And you wouldn’t want to miss the chance to check him out while he changes?”

“Shut up! I’m not some pervert who likes to watch people change, I’m going to turn my back at him,” Arthur whispered back before Merlin finally caught up with them.

Leon repeated his earlier question: “So, you are going to join us for dinner tonight?”

“Uhm, yes, it appears so.” Again, Merlin started to nervously play with his neckerchief. “You will be there too, I suppose?”

“Of course. I cannot leave you unattended, in case dear Arthur here forgets his manners as he does sometimes. Especially when it comes to Uther.”

“Can we maybe talk about something more pleasant for now? I don’t know, the weather or something,” Arthur sighed.

“All right. Clothes for Merlin. What did you even have in mind?”

Their small talk lasted until they reached Leon’s room and started going through the suits and tails that Leon had with him. Leon and Arthur started a heated discussion about what Merlin should best wear to be properly dressed, while Merlin himself just stood in the background and tried not to be too impressed by the contents of Leon’s wardrobe. The sheer amount of clothes was just as impressive to him as the fine and expensive fabrics they were made of.

“Merlin, look at me!” Arthur waved his hand in front of his face. “Would you mind trying on this shirt for us?”

“Uh, sure.” Merlin grabbed the offered piece of clothing from Arthur’s hands.

“If you want to change in private you can…”

But before Leon had finished his sentence Merlin had already shrugged out of his shirt. “No worries, it doesn’t bother me…” He put on the new one and closed the buttons. The fabric felt weirdly stiff and a little cool but very pleasant and especially very noble. It was a little wide, but it didn’t look too loose. And the sleeves were surprisingly well-fitted. “Whose shirt is this anyways?”

He looked up from buttoning up the shirt and found Arthur with flushed red cheeks and Leon with a stupid grin on his face. When they noticed that he was looking at them they both tried to appear as serious as possible, but did not really manage. Merlin wondered if he even wanted to know what was amusing them so greatly.

“Uh, it is mine. An old one.” Leon’s smile returned.

“Why did you even pack an old suite that you’ve grown out of by now?” Arthur shook his head. “Sometimes I really don’t understand you.”

“Oh, stop complaining, will you? I would be more grateful for the sheer luck of me carrying it around if I were you. Otherwise we wouldn’t have anything for Merlin to wear now.”

“That’s true… So, I think we can just skip the vest and the trousers. They should be fine, don’t you think?” If Arthur’s cheeks reddened again, he did a good job at ignoring it. “Then… you can just keep the suit and return it tomorrow, I don’t think Leon needs it tonight. Or do you?” He turned to Leon with feigned questioningly raised eyebrows. Leon only shook his head with a chuckle.

“Yes, and thank you. For inviting me. And everything else.” Merlin let Arthur walk him to the door, a little sad that he would have to spend the next five or six hours without him. Even though trying on clothes with Arthur had been a little awkward. He just hoped that he hadn’t blushed too hard.

On the doorstep he stopped though and turned around to Arthur again. He was a little embarrassed to ask, but… “One thing… at what time is dinner anyways?”

“Oh, sorry, did I not tell you? At seven. So maybe we can just meet at the stairs where we parted last time? Then I’ll show you the way.”

“Sounds good.” Merlin stepped out into the corridor. “Again, thank you so much… and see you at half past six.” Merlin waved his hand a little, a small move that Arthur found absolutely adorable, and turned around. For a moment Arthur watched him, his straight back, his secure steps, his dark hair shimmering in the dim light. Then, he felt Leon’s hand on his shoulder and let himself be led back into the suite.

When they returned to the dressing room Arthur started questioning Leon about Merlin’s friends. “I just want to know what they’re like. To get to know them a little. In a way. They’re his friends, after all.”

Leon thought for a second. “Well, what can I tell you? They are pretty nice, even though I think that Gwaine fellow is somewhat mistrusting when it comes to nobility. For whatever reason he did not tell me. And Percival is very kind and friendly. And he can tell the best stories. He – ” Leon had to stop himself before he would start talking about how his voice sounded.

Arthur shook his head with a grin. “What is it with your sudden interest in Percival?” He threw Leon a suspicious look. “One could almost think you had a thing for him.”

Leon just shrugged casually. “That’s funny, coming from the man with the sudden interest in Merlin.”

At these words Arthur quickly averted his face, but Leon could still see his cheeks blushing and he started grinning as well.

“Leon?”

“Yes?”

“Shut up.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> writing this awkward dinner scene was a pain in the ass I swear  
> I hope I did it justice though :)

Time until dinner passed surprisingly quickly for Merlin with his friends around. Gwaine could actually be quite good at distracting him from his anxiety, and after a few winks and grins and “I told you so, he’s into you”s Merlin’s friends tried their best to not let him die of nervousness. Still his hands were sweaty and he was fumbling with his bow tie all the time while on his way to their meeting point.

Arthur was already waiting for him. Merlin’s heart clenched when he saw him. He looked every inch the posh nobleman that he was, but also he looked so incredibly handsome in his tails that Merlin nearly forgot how to breathe. With an excited smile he came closer, and Arthur actually made a move as if he wanted to take his hand and kiss it. Merlin’s eyes widened, he bit his lips. “Arthur…”

“I’m sorry. It was… a joke. Did I go too far?”

Oh god. Just a joke. Merlin nodded and then hastily shook his head. “No… no it’s fine. I didn’t mind.”

Arthur visibly relaxed. “Good. Then… Just follow me, I’ll lead the way.” He turned around, looked at Merlin expectantly over his shoulder and just for a moment Merlin thought he would offer him his arm, but Arthur just started walking up the stairs to the First Class area of the ship.

Merlin tried not to look too disappointed while following him, but it really wasn’t too hard when he started looking at the even more luxurious interior décor. The thick, soft carpets beneath his feet swallowed most of the noise his steps made. The people passing them were all dressed up fancy and walking slowly and considerately, back straight and head up, just like Arthur. Merlin tried to mimic them as not to stand out, but a short supressed laugh from Arthur made him reconsider it.

“You look hilarious, Merlin, walking around like this. It doesn’t really suit you.”

“Oh yeah?” He wasn’t sure if he should be offended by this but tried not to be.

“Yeah. You actually look even better in casual clothes, and with casual behaviour.”

“Really? Is that so?” He raised an eyebrow. “Because I think you were looking at me a bit too intensely earlier for me looking better in peasant clothes.”

“The peasant clothes is what you said,” Arthur protested, but didn’t go deeper into detail about Merlin’s appearance in Leon’s old suit. And Merlin had to admit that for a moment he was somewhat disappointed, because he was genuinely interested in what Arthur thought he looked like dressed up like this. After all it was not likely that he would have another chance to look as noble as he did now ever in his life.

Before he could hold onto that thought for too long though they ran into Leon who was apparently waiting for them on top of a broad flight of stairs. Merlin admired the fancy clock on the wall behind him. Where had he come to? How was it possible that only three days ago he had tried to drag Gwaine out of a cheap tavern in Southampton, and now he was standing in front of the First Class dining room of the _RMS Titanic_ wearing a fine suite and the most handsome man he had ever met was at his side…

“Thanks for waiting for us,” Arthur smiled at Leon.

“No problem. The others have just left. I told Uther that you would bring someone, but not who it was.” Leon nodded at him. “Hello, Merlin.”

Merlin could only nod in return, too excited to say anything.

“Was he mad?” Arthur asked.

“Not yet,” Leon replied with a shrug. “Let’s see how he will react when he hears your backstory.”

“Of course, as always.” Arthur straightened his back. “Merlin? Are you still there?”

“Uh, yeah. Sure.” He hurried to follow Arthur and Leon into the dining room and then along the tables. The room was crowded with people, quiet voices filled the air together with soft string music. Merlin even recognised the piece, what made him quite proud if he was honest, but after going to the theatre once in his life he would probably remember the music of Wagner’s _Lohengrin_ forever. Especially the beginning of act 3. Why they were playing the bridal chorus though while he was following Arthur to their table could probably not be explained by destiny, but it made Merlin even more excited and nervous than he already was.

Arthur suddenly halted. Merlin found himself standing in front of a round table that was set for six people. Three seats were still empty, and Arthur now stood opposite of the three occupied seats and cleared his throat. “Good evening. May I introduce my companion for tonight? This is Merlin…”

“Emrys. Merlin Emrys.” Merlin’s quick reaction saved Arthur some embarrassment.

“Merlin, these are Elena, my fiancée and Godwyn, her father. And this is Uther.”

Uther stared at Arthur as if he wanted to strangle him with his look, but Arthur gave his best polite smile and ignored it well. So after a moment Uther gave up and asked instead: “And how do you happen to know Mr… what was your name again?”

“Merlin Emrys, Sir. Pleased to meet you.” Merlin stood as still as he could, and yet he was afraid that his sheer presence might be enough to displease Uther Pendragon, Duke of Bedford. He was probably more nervous right now than when Arthur had invited him to this dinner. Good God.

“Mr Emrys.” Uther gave him a short nod before turning back to Arthur. “What did you say again, how did you meet?”

Arthur coughed awkwardly. “It was… I took a walk with Leon this afternoon, and we went to the Third Class Promenade Deck. I wanted to take a look at the… uhm…” He was struggling for words, gesturing with his hands and more accidentally than anything else he started drawing circles into the air.

“The propellers,” Leon added helpfully.

“Right, the ship’s propellers. I don’t know, it was probably stupid. Anyways, there was a little boy who apparently tried to steal my wallet out of my coat pocket, and Merlin saw this and stopped him.” Arthur looked at Merlin, and the other man smiled back at him. “So I thought it was only appropriate if I showed him my gratitude by inviting him for dinner.”

While Arthur was telling his story Uther’s eyebrows had slowly moved towards his hairline, and now he was looking at Arthur with a mix of scorn, amusement and disbelief. “What a lucky coincidence then that Mr Emrys was there to save you. But that you had to invite him for dinner…” He looked down on the table. “Well, nothing that can be done about this now. Without too much ado, that is. So please, sit down, the three of you.”

He gestured at the empty chairs. Arthur pulled back the middle one for Merlin to sit down, and Merlin could feel Uther and Elena’s eyes on him. Yet, he tried his best to ignore them and smiled up at Arthur. “Thank you.” Arthur just nodded in return and sat down between him and his fiancée.

“Where have you been all day?” Elena whispered at him, loud enough that Merlin could still hear it, but quiet enough that the rest of the table that was not Arthur could pretend to not hear it. “I thought you wanted to meet me for lunch.”

“Oh, I was just… taking a walk with Leon, as I said.”

“The whole day?” Elena made a funny face. “If you insist.”

Arthur only shrugged. Then, he turned to Merlin and now he was actually whispering. “I swear to god if I had any chance to get out of this marriage I would take it at once.”

Merlin suddenly felt all hot, his hands started sweating. “Well, what shall I say…”

Leon next to him coughed. “I think this is hardly a matter that is appropriate to be discussed at the dinner table.”

“Of course, you are right. I am sorry,” Arthur was quick to apologise. Leon only shook his head. This dinner would be hell, he already saw that coming.

“And what brought you on board of the _Titanic_ , Mr Emrys?” Uther raised his voice again just as a waiter showed up with a bottle of champagne.

Merlin looked up and Uther straight in the eyes. “Well, the same as most people here probably. I’m going to America.”

Leon held his breath. If Merlin wouldn’t be thrown out of the First Class dining saloon during the next five minutes he would be lucky.

But to his surprise Uther only laughed. “Yes, you are definitely right about that. But besides going to America, what are your plans there? Do you have any?”

“Not really yet.” Merlin shrugged. “Besides, you know, starting a new life. I don’t know yet what it will look like. All’s a big surprise for me right now, heading out into the big, wide world, leaving my little village behind. I’m hoping yet to find a nice place to settle down, somewhere with nature around perhaps, and a little peace and quiet. Nature is inspiring me for my drawings, so it would be nice to live a little off the beaten track. Well, I just have to wait what life will have in store for me.”

“Oh yes? Really, Arthur, an interesting young man you have brought with you.” Uther’s smug grin was lost on Arthur who was busy staring at Merlin and apparently not really paying attention to his words. His cheeks were a soft pink and Leon was certain his eyes would become heart shaped if he stared at Merlin only a minute longer. “Have you not, Arthur? He even draws.”

“Uh. Yes. Yes, definitely.” Arthur looked startled.

Leon could barely suppress a sigh.

For the rest of the evening, Leon tried not to roll his eyes too often or too obviously at Arthur, who only had eyes for Merlin, Merlin’s hands, Merlin’s lips, Merlin’s eyes, and at Merlin, who apparently wanted to get thrown over board, judging from the sassy tone in which he spoke to Uther and Godwyn. But both gentlemen took his remarks and his straight forward answers with a surprising composure. They even laughed at some of Merlin’s jokes, and so it came that after the second course Leon actually relaxed a little when it came to Merlin and his worries returned to Arthur.

Because Arthur still hadn’t regained full consciousness as it seemed. He was losing all his thoughts on Merlin apparently, staring at him longer and more often than it could possibly considered decent. Leon couldn’t help but smile at his friend, wishing that by some miracle things would turn out in a good way for both of them. In a blissful way, with no regret whatsoever. In this way, the dinner made Leon strangely happy.

But it also made him sad. He saw Elena sitting opposite of him, and she looked particularly not happy about Arthur’s behaviour, and Uther, who seemed to like Merlin but was still mad at his son, and he was certain that this would not end well. As much as he wished for it, Arthur’s chances of escaping this marriage were slim, and Merlin… He only hoped that he wouldn’t take it too hard or too personal.

And so, he tried his best to remember Merlin’s laugh and Arthur’s loving smile and the soft glances they exchanged from time to time. It was good to see Arthur at ease for once, even if he knew it wouldn’t last. At least Arthur and Merlin still had three days on board this ship. Leon hoped with all his heart that they would be able to cherish them, together.

<°)))>< *~*~* ><(((°>

After dinner Arthur told the others that he would escort Merlin back to the Third Class part of the ship. Merlin was admittedly glad to leave. As soon as they had left the dining saloon he leaned into Arthur and whispered: “Does Uther always make you feel so unwelcome?”

Arthur shrugged. “I think so, yes. I’m not even sure if he does it on purpose or if it’s just… the way he is. If he just dislikes people.”

“You mean people who don’t meet his standards. And it makes them dislike him in return.” Merlin laughed.

“Yes, maybe that’s what he wants. Those people disliking him. Then he has a reason to look down on them and be mean and patronise them. God.” Arthur sounded bitter now. “I’m sorry, I don’t want to ruin the mood now.”

“It’s okay. Don’t worry.” Merlin put an arm on his shoulder. “I don’t even want to know how it must be to have him around all day, to live with him even.”

“No… you really don’t.” Arthur sighed deeply.

Merlin didn’t really know how to reply to this, and so they walked on in silence until they finally reached the staircase again where they had parted after their first meeting. Merlin’s hand was still on Arthur’s shoulder, and for some reason he was reluctant to let go of him.

“Still, thank you for inviting me. It was nice. Despite Uther. Leon is very nice, and you…” Merlin wanted to smile at him, but a sudden wave of nervousness made him bite his lips.

“I’m glad you came.” Arthur lowered his voice. “You really brightened my evening. And I…” His gaze became unfocussed, for a moment he was staring into the nothingness right over Merlin’s shoulder.

“And you?”

Merlin’s question brought him back to reality, he tried to focus on his face once more. “I… wanted to thank you. For keeping me company. And… also what you said about you and drawing and I thought that maybe you could show me some of your works because I…” Now, his eyes strayed down to Merlin’s soft pink lips. God, how much he wanted to kiss him. But did he dare?

Merlin seemed to have noticed on what Arthur’s attention was focussed, or he was just very good at reading minds. He took a quick look around, and when he was sure that they were alone he leaned in and pressed his lips to Arthur’s in a quick motion.

Arthur’s breath hitched. The kiss lasted a second at the most, but it was long enough to make him a little dizzy when Merlin pulled back and looked at him, expectantly at first and then more and more uncertain. “I’m sorry. I hope I didn’t misread anything. I just… you were so… today was so…”

Only then did Arthur realise that Merlin was probably waiting for a reaction from him, just _anything_ that would tell him that he hadn’t overstepped and everything was fine. He opened his mouth. “Actually, no, I was just…” Apparently it took a while for his brain to process the information that Merlin had just kissed him, on the mouth, with these soft, pink lips, and Arthur suddenly felt his face heat up. “No, I’m glad that you… because I probably wouldn’t… I haven’t done this before, so… I probably wouldn’t have found the courage,” he admitted.

Merlin gave him the sweetest smile when he now assured him: “Don’t worry, Arthur. It’s fine. As long as you don’t mind me kissing you again?” He raised his eyebrows questioningly.

“No,” Arthur whispered, shaking his head, “Not at all.”

Again, Merlin took a quick look around, but they were still alone. He leaned in again, and this time their lips touched for at least two of Arthur’s rapid heartbeats. It was still a chaste kiss, lips brushing against lips, breath held, and the only other part where their bodies touched was Merlin’s right hand that was still lying on Arthur’s left shoulder. Then, they broke apart again.

For a few seconds they just stared at each other, both smiling shily and a little breathless. Then Merlin opened his mouth. “I think I actually should get back to my people. Gwaine sure as hell is already worrying about me.” He took a step back towards the stairs that lead down to the Third Class cabins.

“Wait, Merlin, I… I want to meet you again,” Arthur almost pouted.

Merlin had to laugh. “Sure, I’d love to. But where and when? I don’t think Uther would like to have me around for another dinner, and if I’m quite honest I could do without his company, too.”

“That is completely understandable.” Arthur thought for a moment. “Would you maybe want to go for a walk? On the Promenade Deck? In the afternoon? Tomorrow?”

“Sure, I would love that.” Merlin’s smile widened even more. “I also have to return Leon’s suit.”

“And you have to show me your drawings. That is, if you’re comfortable with it?”

“Of course, I’d love to. Well in that case, see you tomorrow.”

“Right, tomorrow. Around three, here?” No matter how happy Arthur was right now, there was still a little sadness lingering in his words, sadness that he had to leave Merlin. He just hoped that Merlin didn’t notice it.

“All right. Around three.” Merlin gave him a little wave with his hand. “Have a good night, Arthur, and sweet dreams.”

“I hope I dream of you,” Arthur blurted out, and felt ashamed for it the very moment the words left his lips.

But Merlin only laughed, a warm and friendly laugh that warmed Arthur’s heart. “I hope so, too. Your face would definitely brighten up my dreams.”

They kept looking at one another softly and lovingly until Merlin slowly tore his gaze away. “All right. I’m going now. We won’t get to bed otherwise.”

“Yes, you’re probably right,” Arthur agreed. Yet, he stayed in his place while Merlin slowly went down the stairs, turning around a few times to smile at Arthur again and again, and giving him one last wave before he disappeared around a corner into one of the corridors. Only then, Arthur found the will to tear his gaze away from the staircase and go back to his own cabin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyyy we're half through [chapter-wise]!! 🎉🎉


	8. Chapter 8

“And, how was it?” Gwaine’s bright grin was the first thing Merlin saw when he slowly opened his eyes the next morning. “How was your dinner?”

Merlin blinked a few times and groggily sat up. “Would you maybe let me wake up first? Jesus Christ.”

“Ah, you didn’t get laid then. Pity.”

“What?” Merlin stared at him, shaking his head. “What kind of expectations did you have? That Arthur would raw me on that dinner table? Seriously, Gwaine. This was a public affair.” He lowered his voice. “And we’re men.”

Gwaine patted his knee. “Don’t worry, Merlin, I hadn’t really expected it to be honest. That Arthur guy looks far too noble to know what a good fuck is.”

Now Merlin blushed. “All right. Good that you know about it, then.” He pushed back his blanket and crawled out of his bed to wash.

Gwaine passed him a towel while promising him: “I will pray for you, my friend. You don’t know yet, maybe he won’t disappoint you. But I swear if he hurts you on purpose I will break every single one of his posh, clean fingers.”

Merlin shook his head. “No, Gwaine, don’t. Seriously. I’m actually…” The thoughts crashed over his head like waves and his mood dropped. “I mean, it’s not even Arthur’s fault and he gives me the honest impression that his feelings are sincere and… but it just can’t be. Maybe he does return my feelings, but it’s not like it would matter. He won’t choose me over Elena. She is a nice woman. He would have to leave everything behind if he chose me. His family, his friends, probably also his titles and all the property he would inherit one day. I wouldn’t choose myself either if I were him.”

“You don’t know this yet.” Gwaine gave him a sympathetic look. “Love makes people do strange things.”

“Speaking from experience, huh?” Percival grinned.

“Well, and you apparently don’t,” Gwaine retorted.

Percival only shrugged. “What would you know?”

“Hey,” Merlin interrupted their banter. “Don’t argue. Just so you know, and so you all can feel good about it, because you were right and you told me so: He does like me. We kissed.” Then, he dunked his head in the washing bowl to stop his cheeks from getting even redder and hotter. Even thinking about it, actively remembering the kiss, made him feel all warm and giddy again. With the memories of last night, the feelings returned, too. The cold water would hopefully cool him down a little.

He tried his best to ignore the cheering of his friend behind him. Yes, they had told him so, so what? Lancelot and Percival were apparently laughing too, and when he resurfaced and looked at them in the mirror he saw that all of them were smiling brightly and happily. They were happy for _him_ , despite everything, and that made him smile, too.

Lancelot was the one to eventually ask the question: “So, are you going to see him again?”

The cool-down in the wash basin hadn’t helped a bit because now his face was heating up again. “Yes, actually. He asked me if I wanted to go for a walk with him on the Promenade Deck this afternoon.”

Gwaine whistled sharply. “Oh my god _he_ asked _you_?”

Merlin nodded.

“Oh my god Merlin, you’re going on a date!”

“It would still be a date if I had asked him,” Merlin tried to avert all the attention he was suddenly getting. Not very well, as it seemed.

“Yes, but he asked you! He wants to go on that date with you!” Gwaine was overjoyed. “Seriously, Merlin, I told you he likes you!”

“Yes, well, in the manner that you keep telling me that every guy I ever cross paths with likes me. Not too credible after a while,” Merlin replied while trying to put on one of his own shirts. “Can we please just have breakfast now, and talk about something different?”

They did not, in fact, talk about something different. They had breakfast together, and it didn’t take long until Merlin stated to worry about his meeting with Arthur, and his friends were more than happy to reassure him that everything would be very nice. It was the second time Arthur had asked him out after all, and this time it was after they had kissed.

“Trust me, he really is interested in you, at least he’s in for an affair,” Lancelot kept telling Merlin whenever he started worrying what would be if Arthur decided to ditch him. “He invited you for dinner and kissed you afterwards.”

“No, actually I kissed him.”

“Let him be kissed, then. Did he say anything negative about it? That he wanted you to stop it? That he didn’t enjoy it?” Merlin shook his head. “See. The two of you kissed, anyways. And after that, he asked if you wanted to go on a walk with you. He would never do this if he wasn’t interested in you.”

Merlin looked at Lancelot doubtfully. “But what if we just want entirely different things? I don’t think I’m in for just a quick shag and then…”

“Well, then you have to find out what he wants. It’s just that easy. Don’t worry, Merlin, you will get along, I am certain. He already put up with you for a whole dinner and still wants to see you again,” Lancelot tried to reassure him.

The mention of last night’s dinner made Merlin groan. “He put up with me? More like I put up with his father. I swear he was driving me crazy with all his questions. And Arthur was just as passive as he possibly could be. Didn’t say a single word to save me. A real prat I tell you. Not anything like the knight in shiny armour you would expect of someone of his status. Maybe I should try to find me another boyfriend after all,” he tried to joke.

Percival shook his head, his voice as calm as ever when he now said: “I can’t believe you really had dinner with the Duke of Bedford last night. Life’s just crazy sometimes, isn’t it?”

Merlin grinned at him. “I can’t believe it either, and I was sitting there for almost two hours. And yet, if someone had ever told me that one day I would be on the most impressive ship in the world having dinner with Uther Pendragon I would have imagined said dinner to be more… pleasant.”

Lancelot laughed. “I will tell this story to my grandchildren. That once I was on a very impressive ship with a friend who actually had dinner with the Duke of Bedford there, and found the love of his life. And they won’t believe me. It sounds like a fairy tale.”

It really did. It sounded so much like a fairy tale that Merlin still couldn’t quite believe it when six hours later he was on his way to the stairs that were by now their standard meeting point. Arthur was already waiting for him there, and his heart twitched with happiness. No matter how this would end, in how many pieces his heart would break and how much it would hurt, for now he would try to enjoy it.

“Hello, Arthur.” He smiled at him nervously. “How was your day? Thank you for last night, again.”

“Nothing to thank me for. I’m glad you came.”

“Sure. Always.”

Arthur turned around, and Merlin followed him up the stairs. While walking, he answered Merlin’s question: “And my day so far was… well, let me just say I’m glad I can be with you for an hour or two now.”

“Was it so boring or so exhausting?” he asked compassionately.

“A bit of both, I guess. Or, not a bit. Rather a lot of both.” Arthur rubbed his forehead. “Uther nearly made a scene after the service. Because I didn’t want to accompany Elena back to her suite, can you imagine? She didn’t even ask for it, you know? But Uther went on about how I should behave like a gentleman and why I wouldn’t even want to walk my fiancée to her room and what else he could rage about. I swear this man is giving me a headache, and if I had another head that would hurt too.

“Luckily, Elena saved me. She told Uther that it was fine and that she wanted to go for a walk with her maid anyways. Otherwise, who knows, maybe he would have started shouting at me. As if I was five years old.” Arthur shook his head in frustration.

By now they had reached the First Class Promenade Deck. The wind was playing with his soft blond hair and Merlin couldn’t help thinking how absolutely breathtakingly he looked when the sun caught its rays in the golden strands.

Arthur next to him took a deep breath. “Really, be happy that your father isn’t like this.”

Merlin shrugged. “I wish I could say so but… I don’t know it. I’ve never met him.”

“Oh?” Arthur looked at him. “I’m sorry. Do you want to talk about it?”

Merlin looked at him: “Well, what do you want to know?”

With a bit of uncertainty Arthur looked at him. “I hope this isn’t rude now or anything but… how did he die?”

“Oh, he didn’t die.” Merlin shook his head. “He just… left. I don’t know. My mum was pregnant, he left, never came back. That’s the whole story. Or well, all that she’s ever told me.”

“I wish I would never know who my father was,” Arthur sighed. “Would probably be better than having to live with Uther.”

“I don’t know about that.” Merlin gave him a shaky smile. “At least you didn’t spend all your childhood hoping that by some miracle he might return. But also… I had the favour of imagining him as a hero. I have no idea where he is now, what he’s doing, I don’t even know if he’s still alive. But I will forever keep my childhood fantasies about him. My father taming a dragon and then riding this dragon through the sky, taking me with him of course. Or him sailing away into the sunset as a pirate captain on a huge ship.” He smiled. “And now I’m sailing away into the sunset myself. My poor mother.”

Arthur leaned in a little closer and patted his shoulder. “I’m sure she knows that this is best for you. And you’re a grown man. A young one, maybe… but we all have to take our own steps one day. Don’t worry too much about it, Merlin. She surely knows that you’re just doing what is best for you. And you’re not like your father. I’m sure you will at least write to her from time to time.”

Merlin sniffled. “Sure I will. But… that’s not the same.”

“No… it’s not.” Arthur fell silent, not knowing what else to say. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to – ”

“You didn’t. Don’t worry. It’s fine.” Merlin smiled at him, shaky but honest. “I know you didn’t mean it that way.”

For a while they walked on in silence, strolling slowly across the deck in comfortable silence. Merlin could still feel the warm touch of Arthur’s hand on his shoulder, solid and comforting. He wished for Arthur’s touch to return, for him to pull him closer, maybe even into a kiss… but that wouldn’t happen. It wouldn’t be decent. It was even frowned upon when married couples exchanged affections too openly in public. And Arthur and himself… they were barely fit to be friends by social standards, and certainly not the kind of people that could be seen kissing right here on deck of the _Titanic_.

The sun set. They had reached the bow side once more, nothing ahead of them but the lower deck, the ocean and one of the most wonderful sunsets Merlin had ever seen. His heart clenched tightly inside his chest.

Arthur next to him had stopped too, and his thoughts must have been similar to Merlin’s because suddenly he grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the stairs to the lower deck. He only told Merlin “Come!” and dragged him along, but a smile was on his lips and fire in his eyes.

“Come? Where to?” Merlin laughed.

“I want to see the sunset!”

“And you can’t do that from up there?”

“Just the sunset…” Arthur turned around and when Merlin had come closer he whispered: “… and you.”

“Oh.” Merlin felt his lips moving, the corners of his mouth twitching as he couldn’t hold back the bright smile that spread across his face. “Well, in that case…”

He followed Arthur over the small barricade, not caring that they weren’t supposed to be here. Now there was nothing ahead of them but ocean and sunset and Merlin felt the sheer greatness of the whole world crushing down on him while at the same time it raised his spirits. In a sudden urge to embrace all of this vast beauty he climbed the rail and spread out his arms.

“I’m flying! Arthur, look, I’m flying!”

Arthur behind him laughed, a laugh of pure joy. “Don’t fly down into that ocean, Merlin. I’d hate to have to jump after you. I bet that water’s freezing.”

But Merlin just shook his head. “Well hold me then. So I won’t fall.”

“Sure.” Arthur stepped closer. He, too, stepped up onto the rail now so he was at eyelevel with Merlin again and put an arm securely around his slender waist.

With a deep sigh Merlin leaned back against his chest. “My knight in shiny armour,” he breathed.

Arthur gently took Merlin’s hands that were still reaching out to touch the sky. He rested his head on Merlin’s shoulder while their fingers entwined. “You’re wonderful,” he told Merlin.

“Not as wonderful as you are.” Merlin brought his hand to his chest while still holding Arthur’s and pressed it against his heart.

Arthur’s breath hitched as he felt the nervously fluttering beats beneath Merlin’s rib cage. “May I kiss you?” he whispered into Merlin’s ear.

Merlin nodded and turned his head around. Then Arthur’s lips touched his and they were just as soft and warm as they had been last night.

Finally Arthur pulled back. “I think we should go. It is nearly dinner time for me and I would hate to anger Uther anymore than I already have…”

“Of course.” Merlin nodded in understanding, but when they went back, over the barrier, across the deck and up the stairs to the First Class area he still saw himself standing at the bow, his chest hurting with a strange longing that he had never before felt this intense and he wondered if one could see that his lips were red and swollen from all the kisses they had shared. He also wondered if maybe he should ask Arthur if he wanted to go for another walk with him later this evening or if that would be too much. But how was he supposed to spend the rest of the day without him?

Next to him Arthur suddenly stiffened. “Oh no. There are Elena and Leon. Maybe we should… oh dear, it’s too late.”

Looking to his right Merlin saw Leon waving at them. Elena stood right next to him and pulled a face when she spotted Merlin. Merlin felt bad. He had never meant to be witness of a meeting between Elena and Arthur that was less formal than the dinner last night had been. So while Leon and Elena approached them he half turned to Arthur and mumbled: “I could go back to my part of the ship, if you want me to. I don’t want to intrude on you or anything.”

“No! No…” Arthur blinked at him and gave him an almost shy smile. “Please, stay if you want to. I… I would like it very much if you did.”

“Well, if you say so… then I’ll stay, I guess.” On the outside Merlin tried his very best to not show his excitement, but inwardly he was all gibberish and nervous. Arthur wanted him to stay with him, by his side! It made him feel happy, almost proud, but also a little anxious. What if he messed anything up?

Arthur next to him managed the perfect diplomatic expression when he now greeted his friend and his fiancée. “Leon, Elena! What a joyful coincidence, meeting you here.”

“A coincidence indeed.” Leon raised his eyebrows and Merlin couldn’t quite read his expression. However he glared at Arthur so he supposed that it wasn’t too important for him at the moment. “So, you, too, are going for a walk?”

“As you can see. There isn’t much else to do here, after all.” Arthur shrugged.

Leon mumbled: “Right… true.” Then, they all fell silent until it became uncomfortable enough for Leon to speak up again: “I hope you had a nice evening, Merlin.” He smiled. “I would have loved to talk to you more, but Uther seemed to be very interested in you and I didn’t want to interrupt the two of you. I hope you enjoyed yourself though?”

“Oh yes, thank you,” Merlin replied politely. “Maybe we will find another chance, on another day. Tomorrow, or the day after tomorrow. There’s still time before we reach New York.”

“Yes, maybe. For now though, I guess, you’re in good company already.”

Merlin hoped that he didn’t blush too hard at Leon’s last words. “Yes, I guess so, too. I only hope Arthur agrees with us.”

“Why shouldn’t I? Merlin’s company is as pleasant as I could wish for.” Arthur smiled at him, and the warm light in his eyes made Merlin’s heart flutter.

Leon on the other hand appeared to be a little embarrassed at the look that Merlin and Arthur exchanged and that was so obviously full of love if you knew what to look for. Elena forced a smile. Merlin cleared his throat and lowered his gaze when he noticed Leon’s expression, cheeks flushing.

They were once again left to exchange awkward looks, and again, the silence stretched out between them until it became uncomfortable and after that for a little longer. Finally Elena tugged at Leon’s sleeve.

“Leon, can we leave? It’s almost time for dinner and I still have to get dressed.”

Merlin looked at her curiously. He hadn’t really taken any notice of it before, but suddenly it seemed odd to Merlin that Elena had just stayed in the background to watch the talk unfold between Arthur and Leon. She hadn’t even greeted either of them with more than a short nod. Something about her confused him, and not in a negative way.

“Yes, of course,” Leon agreed. “See you later, Arthur. And you, Merlin, have a nice journey, in case we shouldn’t meet again. I wish you all the best.”

“Thank you,” Merlin answered mechanically, “to you too.”

“Don’t be late for dinner, Arthur!” Leon called over his shoulder just before Elena and he were out of earshot.

“No, don’t worry, I won’t,” Arthur mumbled, more to himself than to Merlin. Then he heaved a heavy sigh. “Well, looks like I have to leave you alone… and go to my dull dinner appointment. I wish you could be around again, you’d liven it up quite a bit as you proved last night.”

Merlin laughed. “Well, pity then that I can’t. But Lance, Gwaine and Percy will probably be disappointed if I leave them again tonight.”

“Yeah, right. Can’t disappoint your friends now, can you?”

“No.” Merlin shook his head, reluctant to take his leave from Arthur just now. And suddenly, a thought struck him. He pinched the bridge of his nose. “The suit! I still have Leon’s suit in my cabin! God, I had almost forgotten about it! Let me get it for you. Will you wait here?”

He was already about to run off when Arthur held him back. “Don’t worry, I’ll come with you.”

In silence they walked next to each other, but it didn’t feel awkward like it had when they had met for the first time and sat on the bench silently for a while. Merlin felt at ease now when Arthur was around, there was no need to fill the silence with useless words. It was enough to know that he was there, walking next to him. His presence was all Merlin wanted.

Apparently Arthur felt the same. From time to time they exchanged a look and smiled at each other. Merlin’s entire body was filled with giddy happiness, he couldn’t hold back his broad grin. He wanted nothing more than to slip his hand into Arthur’s, but he was careful enough to wait until they had reached his cabin.

As soon as the door had fallen shut behind them Merlin pressed Arthur against it, their lips and teeth clashing in a heated kiss. Merlin’s fingers soon got entangled in Arthur’s soft blond hair, and Arthur wrapped his arms around Merlin’s hips and pulled him closer.

Only when Merlin’s hands started wandering lower, Arthur suddenly froze. He turned his head and took a deep breath. “Merlin… what are you…”

“It’s fine. I’m sorry.” In an instant Merlin’s hands were gone. “I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry. I thought you liked it. I won’t do it again.”

Arthur closed his eyes. “I… No, please, I did. I do. Like it, that is. It’s just… I’ve never done this before. And I – I was scared all of a sudden.”

“That’s okay. Don’t worry.” Merlin smiled at him. “There’s no need to rush. We are only here to get Leon’s suit, after all. And you have to go to dinner, it’s getting dark. And I have to go too, I guess. My friends are probably already waiting for me… somewhere.”

“Right. Your friends.” At this word Arthur felt a strange ache in his chest. Merlin’s friends were waiting for him. And who was waiting for himself? Leon, yes. But also Elena, Godwyn and Uther. Not who he thought to be a pleasant dinner company. He sighed. “Well, I better get going then.”

“Yes. You better do.” Merlin took the suit from the hook where he had hung it last night after taking it off and handed it over to Arthur. “Again, thank you so much. It was a wonderful evening. Despite Uther.”

“I am so glad you came.”

His eyes were caught by Merlin’s bright blue ones, and they just looked at each other until finally Arthur moved in once more to kiss Merlin again. This time, their kiss was almost desperate. When finally they broke apart they were panting and their cheeks heated.

“I’m going to miss you,” Merlin whispered.

“I’m going to miss you too.” Arthur sighed. “I would love to see you again. More often. To get to know you more. And your life. I really wish I could meet your friends properly, for starters.”

“Well, why don’t you, then? There’s a party tonight. It’s all very simple and Third Class, but maybe you’d like to come along?” Merlin looked at him hopefully. “Have some beer, get to know my friends…” ‘Spend some time with me,’ he added silently.

Arthur smiled warmly. “Sure, why not? Where and when?”

“After your dinner, at nine? I’ll meet you at the stairs.”

“All right.” Arthur kissed him shortly. “Then enjoy your dinner, and see you later.”

“Yes, see you later.”

Arthur smiled at him and waved shortly, then he left the room. Merlin couldn’t help but stare after him, even minutes after the door had fallen shut again.

<°)))>< *~*~* ><(((°>

When Merlin told his friends at dinner that he had invited Arthur to the party tonight and he would like to come, they cheered. Gwaine tried to hug Merlin from across the table and nearly ended up with his face in the stew in Merlin’s bowl. He looked so helpless and confused for a moment that Merlin burst out laughing and couldn’t stop for quite a while. He just felt too good about everything.

“So, the two of you really are a thing now?” Lancelot asked, a little more calmly than Gwaine but the grin on his lips told Merlin that he was just as happy for him.

Merlin nodded breathlessly, and when he finally stopped laughing he confirmed: “Yes, I think so. I mean, as much as we can be when one of us is engaged and the Duke of Bedford’s son and heir, and the other one is... just me.” He blushed at his own words.

“God, Merlin, I’m so happy for you.” Gwaine had regained his composure by now and was sitting on his chair again, in safe distance from Merlin’s food. “And I can’t wait to finally meet Arthur properly. I nearly didn’t recognise him when he walked up on the deck yesterday, only when Lancelot pointed out who he was... I need to tell him that if he breaks your heart I will break every single one of his fingers, one after the other. That man better doesn’t hurt you. And after making this clear to him I have to see how fast I can drink him under the table.”

“No, Gwaine, you won’t do that. Poor Arthur. He will be scared enough as it is. His first peasant party,” laughed Percival. “We have to be gentle with him.”

“Hm, you’re probably right. I swear you just can’t have fun with these posh boys. I wonder how you will manage to put up with him, Merlin.” Gwaine feigned disappointment.

“Oh, don’t worry, Gwaine. I’m sure Merlin will manage this. Arthur and him are made for one another. You can see that.” Lancelot smiled brightly at Merlin. “And I’m sure the two of you will have an amazing evening.”

Merlin smiled at him, grateful for his kind words. “Yes, I sure hope so.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you kept track of the dates becauseeeeee xD things are about to happen


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> please have mercy with me on the beer drinking descriptions, I don't drink, I have no idea how beer tastes and no desire to find out

In the evening, he met Arthur once again at the staircase. Only this time Arthur was wearing clothes that could almost pass as casual and they went downstairs together. They could already hear the music from a few corridors away, and the closer they got the more nervous grew Arthur. Before the last corner he grabbed Merlin’s shoulder and held him back.

“Merlin! Wait, I… tell me, how bad will it be?”

“Will what be, Arthur?”

“Well, the party. I’ve never been to anything like this before, what do I have to expect?”

“Nothing and everything. Don’t worry, Arthur. There’s no formal code or anything you have to stick to. Just try not to accidentally offend anyone. But as long as you drink enough beer Gwaine will be impressed enough to defend you from anyone who might make a stupid remark.”

“What if I don’t like the beer?” Arthur frowned.

“Then there’s still me.” Merlin smiled reassuringly. “Just be yourself, drink some beer if you want to, maybe dance a little if you feel like it. Try to have fun. And relax. If you don’t like it, feel free to tell me, we can leave at any time.”

“Okay, okay then. I will live I guess. Let’s go then.”

Arthur breathed deeply and then followed Merlin around the corner and into a crowded room. The air was hot and stuffy and smelled of sweat and alcohol. People were laughing, screaming and talking in English and at least three other languages that Arthur could not understand. He tried to have a look around, but Merlin dragged him on until they came to a small table squeezed into one of the corners of the room where Merlin’s friends were apparently waiting for them.

Six people were sitting at the table, four men and two women. Only three of the men Arthur had seen on deck before, who the other three were he did not know.

“Merlin! It’s good that you finally show up, Gwaine would have drunken all your beer by now if I hadn’t stopped him,” one of them greeted them.

The man who must be Gwaine just shrugged. “You took so long. Maybe it would have gone stale. Would have been a shame.”

Merlin shook his head with a grin. “Thanks, Lance. Who’s that?”

“A friend Percival just made, Elyan. He was the only one he could not instantly defeat at arm wrestling and Percy is quite impressed. Bought him a pint.”

“He defeated you earlier,” Gwaine threw in from the side, “because you got distracted.” He winked. “His sister is quite beautiful after all, isn’t she, Lance?”

Lancelot only rolled his eyes. “So, the one next to Elyan is his sister Gwen, and between her and Gwaine that’s her friend Freya.” Lancelot waved at the two free chairs. “But don’t worry, we saved you a spot. Take a seat.”

Merlin nodded at Elyan, Gwen and Freya. “Nice to meet you.” He turned back to Arthur then. “So, you heard who the other three are, and these here are my friends, Gwaine, Lancelot and Percival. We share a cabin. I guess you have already met them briefly yesterday?”

“Very briefly. But I’m glad to meet you again.”

They shook hands one after the other. Then, when Merlin sat down on the table and grabbed one of the full beer glasses. Arthur took the last free seat next to him and followed his example. The beer was stronger and bitterer than he had expected, but surprisingly frothy and tasty. He noticed malt and a slight note of hops and caramel.

Merlin, who must have watched his face grinned. “Sorry, I’m afraid we can’t offer you champaign tonight, Your Highness.”

Arthur shook his head. “Don’t worry, it’s good. I like it.” The slight hoarseness of his voice made him seem less credible, but he took another sip and this time, knowing what to expect, he actually enjoyed it.

“Thank god,” Gwaine told him. “That means I can take you to a real pub one day, once the two of you are married, without getting embarrassed.”

Arthur nearly choked on his beer when Gwaine mentioned Merlin and him getting married. Luckily, Merlin noticed Arthur’s unease and looked at Gwaine sharply before saying: “No, you manage to get embarrassed on your own quite well, you don’t need any help for that.”

“Hey, that’s not even true,” Gwaine tried to defend himself.

“Oh yeah? Seriously, I had to drag you out of that pub in Southampton because otherwise you would have started a bar brawl and we would have missed the ship. And that was at half past ten in the morning.”

Gwaine lifted both hands in surrender. “Guilty as charged… You may have a point there. But not every time is like that.”

Merlin snorted and lifted his glass to his lips. “More often than not,” he mumbled into the beer before he took a large sip. “Anyways…”

He then was interrupted by a tap on his shoulder and when he turned around there were Lancelot and Gwen standing behind him, arm in arm, and next to Gwen stood Freya.

“I wanted to ask,” Freya said shily, “if you maybe would like to dance?”

She gave Merlin a soft smile and her dark eyes gleamed for a second before she looked back to Gwen and Lancelot again. These two only had eyes for one another by now, Merlin noticed with a short smile, and it made him happy. Why should he be the only one to find his love on this ship? And Gwen and Lancelot really made a sweet couple.

“Merlin?” Freya asked him again, this time a little more insecure.

“Dance? With you?” Merlin frowned and exchanged a look with Arthur. He was already about to decline the offer but Arthur nodded enthusiastically.

“Of course he wants to. Go ahead, Merlin. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine,” he added when Merlin hesitated and looked a bit uncertain about this arrangement. “It’s obvious that you want to dance. I can just sit here and talk to Gwaine and Percival for a while. And you’ll be back in a few minutes, right?”

“I guess so, but… really?”

“Really. Now go and have fun.” Arthur winked at him and Merlin blushed. Yet he got up without any further doubts or discussions and let Freya lead him to the dance floor where Lance and her friend were already enjoying themselves. Arthur was right after all, he wanted to dance.

“So you’re on your way to New York too, I guess?” the girl asked him while he put his hands around her waist.

“Yep. Where else should I be off to?”

“I don’t know. Maybe you want to go on from there. Who knows.”

“Yes, who knows,” Merlin said with a smile while for himself he thought: ‘Yes, who knows when not even I do.’

Soon though they were too out of breath to talk, and after the dance, when Freya asked him if he would like another one he declined politely.

“It was very nice, but I fear I have to get back to my friend now. I can’t leave him alone for too long. He isn’t used to this, you know, all this peasant talk and peasant beer. I have to save him before Gwaine drinks him under the table.”

Freya looked at Arthur who was still talking to Gwaine and nodded. “Yes, he seems a bit out of place. Where did you get him from?”

“Get him?”

“Where did you meet?”

“Right here, on the ship. Only a few days ago.”

Freya nodded. “I hope the two of you have fun.” With these words she left Merlin again, disappearing in the crowd on her mission to find another dancing partner, and Merlin didn’t hesitate to go back to Arthur. A short look over his shoulder told him that not only Gwen and Lancelot were still enjoying themselves, also Freya had found a handsome young man to dance with. He sighed. At least he didn’t have to feel too bad about her.

<°)))>< *~*~* ><(((°>

As Merlin led Freya away and danced with her Arthur turned around to watch him. It warmed his heart to see him happy and at ease, a bright smile and joyful laugh on his face, his eyes glistening with mirth. He wished to pull Merlin closer and kiss his laughing lips. It stung a little to see that it wasn’t him who Merlin was dancing with, but he was realistic enough to know that they couldn’t show their affection too openly.

Then, Gwaine put his empty glass down on the table with a loud thud that he could still hear over all the noise in the room and that made Arthur whirl around.

“Arthur. It’s good that we can have a word now. Without Merlin around.”

“What do you mean?” It probably was not Gwaine’s intent, but ‘having a word’ reminded him of Uther in a bad way and his hands started sweating.

“Oh, nothing. Don’t worry. It won’t be too bad.” Gwaine laughed. “Just makin’ sure that… you know, Arthur, Merlin means an awful lot to me. We were almost like lovers, for a time, but that is long past, don’t worry. Now he’s like a little brother to me. And I don’t want him to get hurt. I’d really hate that.”

Arthur frowned. “What is your point?”

“My point is,” Gwaine took Merlin’s glass and took another sip from it. He threw a look at Elyan who luckily was watching his sister on the dance floor and did not pay attention to their conversation. “My point is, that whatever your intentions with him are, make them clear to him. Merlin is a faithful soul if I have ever seen one. And he knows your situation. Just please… if you have no intention to stay in contact after this journey, what is completely understandable, considering your position, and that you’re already bound to another. But please, tell him so. You will break his heart one way or the other. Just… try to make it less painful, okay?”

“I… I see.” Arthur drank from his beer to gain some time for himself to think about an answer. He still felt a little too awkward about this conversation, but it couldn’t compare to any talk he had ever had with his father. “It’s just, I don’t want to leave him. I really don’t. And I have no idea what to do.”

Percival who had remained quiet to this point now spoke up: “When time comes, Arthur, follow your heart. Don’t be too hard on yourself. I’m sure you will know what the right thing is. And when you do, just do it.”

Arthur sighed. “That’s easier said than done. I will have to live with the consequences for the rest of my life.”

“Mh, yes. Either way. Just, which one will be better to live with? That’s the decision you have to make for yourself.” Percival nodded as if to confirm his words and then fell silent again.

Gwaine lifted Merlin’s glass. “Well spoken, mate.”

Arthur only nodded silently. He knew what his heart wanted, and while his head told him it was wrong he wasn’t sure how long his head would still have a say in this.

He looked up when soon after Merlin fell onto his chair next to him again, smiling and out of breath. He took his glass away from Gwaine. “Get your own beer.” Then, he leaned over to Arthur. “I hope you had fun? That is, as long as Gwaine didn’t bother you too much about drinking.”

“I would never!”

His heart hammered painfully in his chest. “No, actually, no, it was very nice. I hope you enjoyed yourself, too?”

“Very much so. Would have been better with you though,” Merlin added quietly. He smiled sweetly at him and something in Arthur’s chest tightened almost painfully.

“Maybe another day,” he replied. Then, he fell silent, and while the other men picked up an easy conversation that Elyan joined shortly after Arthur stayed quiet and a little drawn back for most of the evening, not really knowing what to say. He kept brooding about what he wanted and what he _really_ wanted but could not really come to a conclusion. Not with Merlin next to him smiling at him from time to time and making him definitely too nervous. He felt like it would be best to leave as soon as he could without seeming impolite.

After a while Lancelot returned with Gwen, both out of breath and laughing and Arthur, noticing two of the empty chairs at their table had been taken by other people took his chance.

“You can have my place,” he offered to the two of them. “I was just about to leave anyways.”

“You were?” Merlin looked surprised.

“If you don’t mind, yes.” He tried not to look too obviously uncomfortable, but Gwaine’s words had put him off ease and also made him think, and while he knew he would have to make a decision he was not sure if he was ready to make this decision so soon. They would reach New York within a few days after all.

“Do you want me to show you the way back?”

Arthur’s first impulse was to decline Merlin’s kind offer but then he thought of the labyrinth of corridors down here and he nodded. “That would be kind, thank you.”

“Well, in that case.” Merlin downed his beer and got up. “Good night, gentleman. See you later. Or tomorrow.”

They all wished them a good night and then Merlin led Arthur out of the room again. Outside the crowded room in the corridor the air was noticeably cooler, and Arthur felt like he could breathe much easier at once. Merlin was standing next to him, biting his lip nervously.

“I am sorry if this was not much to your liking. I should have known. I hope it wasn’t all terrible though… You want me to escort you back to the staircase, don’t you?”

Arthur shook his head. He only had to look at Merlin’s soft blue eyes with their expression of slight hurt and disappointment in them and feel the constriction in his chest to throw away all his former resolutions about thinking this through. Listen to your heart Percival had told him, and his heart was into this, that he knew now. He felt a little lightheaded and nervous but happy about it and would think about the consequences later. For now Arthur had made his decision and he felt that it was the right one. “Maybe, that is, only if you want to… we could go to your cabin?”

“To my cabin? Sure.”

The blush in Merlin’s cheeks told him that he had understood the implication and Arthur followed him happily along the corridors and around some corners. He would have been hopelessly lost down here, but Merlin knew his way. Sometime along the way he even slipped his hand into Arthur’s. The few people they passed didn’t mind the two young men walking past them, hands entwined, laughing and giggling like drunkards even though they hadn’t even had one beer each. Something else was intoxicating them, something far stronger than alcohol.

The second time that day Merlin was pinning Arthur against the door the very moment it closed behind them, and the second time that day they got lost in a heated kiss. Again, Merlin’s fingers started playing with Arthur’s soft hair, and again Arthur wrapped his arms around Merlin’s hips and pulled him closer. Only this time Merlin started kissing his way down Arthur’s neck, pausing from time to time, to see if Arthur was still comfortable with it. But Arthur was fine with Merlin kissing him, and fine with Merlin unbuttoning his shirt, and also fine with Merlin massaging his cock from outside his trousers and he signalled this to him with affirmative nods and moans and “Oh god, yes, Merlin!”s.

When Merlin’s fingers slipped inside though and started rubbing Arthur’s ass with the other hand, he grabbed Merlin’s wrist and held him back. “Wait, I… I don’t want to embarrass myself. I have never done this before.”

“You mean with a man?”

“No. At all. I was never… with anybody. Except for wanking together with Leon a few times. My father would never have allowed it and I couldn’t find a way to do it behind his back.” Even now, in the heat of the moment Arthur couldn’t help but feel bitter about it. He probably looked utterly pathetic now.

Merlin leaned in again, pressing soft kisses to Arthur’s bare neck and the bad feeling lessened immediately. “That’s fine. I’ll be careful. Thank you for telling me. I’ll be so very careful with you, my love. Don’t worry.” He lifted his head again. “You still enjoy this, right? Tell me when to stop.”

“All right, I… I will. But so far it’s… nice. Very nice.”

“Okay. That’s good. Do you want to move over to the bed then?” Merlin drew back and started opening his own shirt buttons. “I’m sorry though, I got the top bunk. You’ll have to climb.”

“That’s no problem. I guess I can manage that bit.” Arthur slipped out of his trousers, threw them on the pile where his and Merlin’s shirts already laid and then climbed up to the bed that Merlin was pointing at. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply. The sheets still smelled clean, but most importantly they smelled of Merlin. Arthur smiled.

“Hey, don’t fall asleep just now,” Merlin called up from the floor. “I thought we were going to have sex.”

Hearing it so explicitly made Arthur blush, and suddenly he was very happy that the light in the small cabin was so dim.

“Aren’t we?”

“Yes… yes we are.” He couldn’t raise his voice to more than a whisper.

The bed creaked, the mattress moved and then Merlin was lying down next to him, skin to skin, they both only wearing their underpants. A cool hand touched his chest, slowly moving up to his shoulder.

“You still good?” Merlin whispered right next to his ear.

Arthur nodded eagerly. “Very good.”

“All right…” Merlin kissed him again, his hand trailing lower, across Arthur’s chest and belly until he could cup his hard cock again. “Let’s do this slowly.”

“Okay…”

After playing with Arthur’s cock until it started weeping Merlin finally went even lower, his fingers running along Arthur’s bottom, caressing the soft skin. Then, he carefully pulled down the underpants. Merlin had brought a small bottle of skin lotion with him that he now used to slicken up the tight ring of muscles while massaging Arthur’s prostate from the outside with skilled fingers. Arthur sighed in pleasure, his heart pounding against his ribs. He couldn’t remember to have ever been this nervous in his life, this inexperienced and vulnerable. But Merlin gave him confidence. Just like he had said he was very careful about everything and went slowly.

“How do you want this to be?” Merlin finally asked. “Is this enough, or do you want me to go all the way?”

“What do you mean?”

“Uhm, me inside you.”

Arthur hesitated. “Does that even fit?”

“Of course it does, don’t worry. The question is, do you want me to? Otherwise I’ll just go on like I’ve done so far.” Merlin kissed him gently. “Just tell me how you’d like it.”

Arthur thought about it for a moment. He had to admit that he was a little uncertain about this. But also Merlin had been so careful all along and he seemed to know what he was doing, and Arthur just wanted him near, nearer, as close as possible. So he nodded. “Okay. I trust you. Let’s try this.”

When Merlin’s finger entered him Arthur closed his eyes. It was a weird feeling at first, and slightly uncomfortable at that, but soon he grew accustomed to the stretch. He took a shuddering breath. Slowly, his muscles relaxed.

“I’ll add another one, all right?”

Merlin continued to gently prepare Arthur, moving his fingers slowly and carefully and adding new lotion one time. Arthur’s breath hitched when Merlin brushed over that exact spot that he had stimulated from the outside before. He saw stars and for a terrible moment he was certain that he would have to let go right now, but Merlin must have felt his tension and stilled his hands.

“It’s all right,” he reassured him again. “You’re all right, Arthur. That’s all natural.”

After a few seconds he finally relaxed once more, and Merlin pulled out his fingers. “I’m going in now, okay? Tell me to stop at once when you feel uncomfortable. I don’t want to hurt you. And there’s no shame in just giving you a handjob either. Just tell me when you’d rather do it in another way.”

“Right. All right. I will tell you.”

Merlin slickened up his own hard cock and slowly rubbed it against Arthur’s hole. “Just try to relax and… stay calm. Tell me when it hurts and I’ll stop it.” Then, he moved his hips and his cock slipped in.

The feeling was uncomfortable at first, but not too painful. Arthur concentrated on Merlin’s hands on his shoulders and his lips sucking bruises to his collarbones but didn’t say a word until he finally bottomed out.

Hesitantly, Merlin paused and asked his lover: “Are you comfortable?” He kissed him on the lips. “I love you so much, Arthur.”

Only when Arthur nodded in reply he started moving again, pulling out just as slowly as he had pushed in before, then entering him again. It felt strange, being so full and stretched around Merlin’s cock, but it hurt no longer, and after a short while it became genuinely pleasurable.

“I… I love you too,” he got out between two panting breaths as Merlin sped up. “God Merlin, you’re so perfect. I’m so glad… that we met. Must have been destiny.”

“It really must.”

Merlin looked down at him, eyes all blue and full of happiness and affection. “God, I love you.” He reached down to grasp Arthur’s cock with one of his hands and started rubbing it again in the same rhythm as the one with which he was moving inside of him. It only took a few strokes, a few more rolls of Merlin’s hips and Arthur basically fell apart beneath him with a gasp and a soft moan. He closed his eyes. His muscles contracted. His hands tightened around Merlin’s upper arms and his back arched while cum spurted all over their bellies. Then, he sunk back into the mattress bonelessly.

When Arthur’s orgasm had worn off Merlin pulled out and finished himself off quickly with one hand. Arthur still laid there, overwhelmed, eyes closed, gasping for breath and an ecstatic smile on his face. In the dim light he looked like an angel to Merlin, the sweat glistening on his skin. He let himself carefully fall forward, into Arthur’s arms, and for the next minutes they just breathed together. Merlin’s head was resting on Arthur’s chest, his fingers drawing slow circles on his flushed skin. Arthur was running his hands through Merlin’s hair, over and over again.

“Are you tired?” Merlin whispered finally.

“Not really. You?”

Merlin shook his head.

“I was wondering… maybe you would like to go out for a little while before I head back to my cabin? I don’t want to leave you just now.”

“Yes, I guess I would love that.” Merlin pressed another kiss to Arthur’s chest before slowly sitting up again. He knew that Arthur would never be able to stay the night but nonetheless he was a little disappointed. “Then I’ll just put my clothes back on, yeah?”

They got out of bed slowly, still giving each other small kisses while they put on their trousers and shirts. Hand in hand they walked along the corridors and up to the deck, from time to time exchanging lovestruck looks and happy smiles.

Out on deck the air was icy cold. Nobody else was out here, so Arthur pulled Merlin close and into a tight hug.

“Don’t want you to get cold,” he whispered.

“I won’t, as long as I’m with you.” Merlin snuggled a little closer, lifted his head and let Arthur press a few soft kisses to his lips and cheeks. “You make me feel warm.”

Then Arthur looked Merlin in the eye. “I won’t marry Elena. I can’t. When this ship reaches New York I will leave with you and never return to Britain again.”

“But what will Elena say? And Uther?”

“I don’t care what they will say! I only care about you. I want you to be happy. And I care about us. I want us to be together. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Merlin. If this is what you want, of course.”

“Yes. So very much.” Merlin kissed Arthur again.

Arthur held his eyes closed at first while Merlin sucked eagerly at his lips, but then the thought struck him that they could be seen by anyone right now, and he opened his eyes again. What he saw made his heart stop, and it was not a spectator. Out of the pitch black of the night the shape of an iceberg was rising, coming closer and closer at a frightening speed. Arthur froze.

Merlin noticed his disturbance, he pulled back his head and looked at him. “What is it, Arthur?” He turned around and his eyes widened. “Oh my god! Arthur!”

But they could do nothing but stare at the iceberg coming closer and closer. The ship did not turn until it was merely a few inches away. Merlin’s hands tightened around the collar of Arthur’s coat. They didn’t move and hardly breathed.

A deafening and definitely inhuman shriek could be heard, and a shudder ran through the entire ship that Merlin and Arthur could feel vibrating in their very bones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to admit I definitely feel a little evil rn XD sorry  
> feel free to scream at me about this on tumblr xD


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a little shorter for once xD but it will get better next week, promise XD

“Oh god, we hit it. The ship hit the iceberg, right, Arthur?”

“Christ! I have no idea, Merlin!” Arthur held Merlin’s shoulders, pulling him close. “Let’s go and find and officer, yeah? Someone must know what just happened. I’m sure they’ll be able to tell us more.” He gave him a small smile. “Don’t worry, Merlin. It’ll be all right. This ship is unsinkable after all.”

“Okay. Okay.” Merlin took a deep breath. “You’re right, of course. It’ll be all right.” He nodded. “Let’s go then.”

This time Arthur led the way, up to the First Class part of the ship, through broad corridors cushioned with thick red carpets. Everything seemed normal, so normal that it was almost unsettling to Merlin. Had they not just hit an iceberg? What exactly had happened? What did this mean? Was the _Titanic_ not unsinkable?

They couldn‘t find anyone who seemed to know more than them, all the staff seemed mostly busy to reassure them and other passengers of their safety and the safety of the ship. But both Merlin and Arthur noticed the steady growth of panic that seemed to take hold of the stewards and the few lower ranking officers that passed by.

After a while they ran into a group of higher ranking officers who were busy talking. Those didn’t even notice the two young men passing them, but what Merlin and Arthur could grasp of their talk was enough to unsettle them further.

“An entire boiler room is flooded? Already? That’s bad. That’s really bad. And they won’t be able to do anything about it, despite the watertight doors.” Merlin was honestly worried. “She’s going to sink, isn’t she? Arthur?”

“I don’t know it, I’m not the ship’s architect,” Arthur answered honestly, “but it… I think it could be.”

“But then I have to go and warn my friends! They are down there! They might be in danger!”

“Yes. Yes, of course you must,” Arthur agreed. “I’ll come with you.”

Together they headed towards the next stair case that would lead them down to the Third Class area. But they didn’t get far. Behind the next corner they ran right into the group of Godwyn, Elena, Leon and especially Uther. Right when it was most inconvenient.

“Arthur! Where have you been? What are you doing with this… Mr Emrys again?” Uther frowned. “This is not proper, Arthur.”

But Arthur waved him off. “Please, for once listen to me. It doesn’t matter right now. This ship hit an iceberg. And it might even be that she sinks.”

“A what?” Elena and Leon looked at Arthur in shock, but Uther just snorted.

“An iceberg. Well, I hope they will go on soon then. We have a wedding to attend after all. Would be a shame if we were late, wouldn’t it?” He looked at Godwyn and laughed. “Seriously. what is all the excitement about? This ship is unsinkable. The engines will start again soon enough and in two days from now we will be in New York. We should all go back to bed if you ask me. So, if you would now please send this man back to where he belongs?”

He turned back to his cabin and the others followed him. Merlin and Arthur exchanged a look. “I don’t want to be separated from you. Not now,” Arthur whispered. “ Who knows what might happen. Please, stay with me.”

Merlin nodded, but when he made an attempt to follow Arthur into the suit Uther barred the way.

“Excuse me, sir, you are not allowed in here. See that you make your way back down to your part of the ship. You hold a Third Class ticket if I remember correctly?”

Stepping between his father and Merlin Arthur spoke up. “He is here with me!” He held onto Merlin’s shoulder. “I won’t send him away.”

“Oh, you will. And if you won’t, I have means of getting this peasant boy out of here.”

Merlin tugged at Arthur’s sleeve. “Arthur, maybe it really will be the best if I just…”

“No, you stay,” Arthur hissed more at Uther than at Merlin. “You have every right to be here.”

“Arthur, Uther’s right, I should go back down. And if the iceberg really hit the ship maybe I should go and look after my friends and how they are doing.”

“Yes, Arthur, listen to the boy, he’s cleverer than you. God, what a wimp do I have to call my son!” Uther shook his head. Still, Arthur showed no intent of letting Merlin go. “You leave him now, or I will call for the Master at Arms and let this peasant boy be arrested!”

“You wouldn’t dare!” Arthur glared at him, and Uther glared back before, with a mischievous grin, he turned around and called for a servant to fetch the Master at Arms who showed up in their suit only a few moments later.

“This boy is molesting my son. A shame really. A man on board the _Titanic_ should know to behave better. But well, what is there to expect of a Third Class passenger. He’s no real gentleman after all…” Uther sighed theatrically. “Please, lead him away and show him his place.”

“No!” Arthur called, “Leave him alone! He has done nothing wrong, take me with you in his stead!”

“Arthur!” Uther grabbed both of his shoulders. “Now shut up! Will you listen to me for once?!”

“No!”

Merlin didn’t struggle as the other man led him away, somewhere down to the Third Class part of the ship. But he heard Arthur scream behind him as Uther dragged him away from him with force. Merlin closed his eyes. He was being led away, to one of the lower decks of a ship that had just hit an iceberg. He had a bad feeling about this that he couldn’t even really explain. As much as he tried to tell himself that this ship was unsinkable, he couldn’t bring himself to believe it. And he was about to be locked up on just this ship. He only hoped that he would ever see Arthur again, in this life or in the next.

<°)))>< *~*~* ><(((°>

“No! Merlin! Don’t take him! Don’t you hear me?!” Arthur continued to scream even after the guards had left.

In the end it took a forceful slap from Uther to make him shut up. “Now will you be quiet! You’re a disgrace, honestly!” He turned to Leon. “Lead him away. See that he rests. He’s probably just exhausted from the excitement. Sometimes one could think he was still a child.”

Leon carefully put his arms around Arthur’s shoulders. “Come on, Arthur. There’s no need to be that angry. They will let Merlin out again, don’t worry.”

Arthur shook his head. Suddenly he felt very tired. “Don’t you understand, Leon? This ship is sinking. They are locking Merlin up somewhere down there. And nobody even listens to us!” The strange urge to laugh welled up inside his chest. “You’re all going down with this unsinkable pot of iron. And no one even cares! And Merlin, my poor Merlin is all alone down there, probably drowning as we speak…” The laughter turned into sobs.

“Shh, don’t cry, Arthur, don’t cry. It will be fine. We will think of something. We’ll find Merlin if we must. We won’t leave him on this ship if it really should sink. But for now – ”

With a click, the door of the room fell shut. Arthur barely looked up, but Leon whirled around, anxious that Uther might have come to look after his son, but it only was Elena.

“Arthur? I wanted to speak to you. Don’t worry, Leon can stay if you feel more comfortable that way.”

Arthur nodded. “All right, speak. I have nothing to lose anymore. What do you want to tell me? That you still love me no matter what I feel for him?”

“No. No,” Elena smiled at him. “Quite the opposite, in fact. I saw how much you care for Merlin. When we met on deck earlier today I could see it in your eyes how much he means to you. How much you love him. More than I could ever hope you might love me. And I think it’ll be for the better if we break up our engagement. Not the friendship we had before, if you are fine with that. But we both will be happier that way, don’t you think?”

“I… yes but… you’re fine with Merlin and me?” Arthur frowned in disbelief.

“Well, yes, as long as I don’t have to stand between you I’m quite all right with the two of you dating. Other people’s love lives are none of my business, after all.” She gave him a quick smile.

Still, Arthur was a .little sceptical. “And you want to break up? Don’t you love me?”

Elena though shook her head. “This wedding was our fathers’ idea. They hooked us up, they wanted to unite their wealth and property. This never was about us, but you certainly know that, too. I guess it just took me a little longer than you to realise it.”

Arthur nodded. “Okay then. Thank you.” For the first time since they had led Merlin away he managed a smile, shaky but honest. “Well, then we only have the problem with the iceberg left. And Merlin being somewhere down there.”

As soon as he had finished speaking the door opened again and a steward entered. “The Captain has ordered everyone to the life boats. So if you would please follow me, and put on your life belts and warm clothes. It is quite cold out tonight.”

The three of them exchanged uncomfortable looks. Until this moment Arthur himself had hoped that his own bad feelings, his warnings would turn out to be no more than exaggeration and needless panic. But apparently they were not. No captain would order people into the life boats at midnight just for the fun of it. Half the passengers were probably asleep already… best not to think about it.

Elena was the first to overcome the shocked stare they all had fallen into. “We better do what he says, huh?” She got up and opened the closet, rummaging through it until she found the life belts and handed two of them to Arthur and Leon. “Let’s go then, shall we?”

<°)))>< *~*~* ><(((°>

Out on deck it was freezing cold and Arthur was glad that he had listened to the man and put on his warmest coat and a hat. Uther and Godwyn were with them, too. As the first boats were lowered down to the water the deck quickly became more and more crowded though, and Arthur and Leon lost sight of the others. The people around them were mainly First Class passengers at first, but after a while Arthur could also spot a few who looked more like Second or Third Class, judged by their clothing and the small, shabby pieces of luggage they were clinging to. He suddenly remembered that he hadn’t brought anything except for the clothes he wore, and for a second he wanted to turn, run back down to his room and pack his books or something. But Leon seemed to read his mind, he grabbed Arthur’s shoulder and shook his head.

“Stay here.”

And Arthur, too, knew that it would be safest if he stayed right where he was: out here on deck, close to the life boats, without the risk of getting trapped somewhere below sea level. “What about Merlin? Don’t you think we should go looking for him?”

Leon took a quick look around. “I can’t see Merlin or his friends anywhere,” he told Arthur. “But it would be too dangerous to go down there now. People are trying to get to the upper decks, they will probably come up, too.”

Arthur shook his head. “I can’t just leave him down there. It is my fault he’s now trapped down there, so it’s also my responsibility to get him out of there, don’t you think?”

Leon only shot him a pained look.

They were getting closer to the life boats now, and only now heard the officers shouting: “Only women and children for now! Only women and children! Men, stay back!”

Arthur and Leon exchanged a glance.

“When they don’t let us on anyways, maybe we should go down…” Arthur started again, but he was interrupted by Uther who suddenly showed up next to him.

“Arthur, what are you still doing here on board?”

“They only let women and children into the boats. I’m a bit too old to pass as a child, no matter what you think, and certainly no woman.”

Uther raised an eyebrow. “No need to get sassy. They let you in if you pay them enough money.” He lowered his voice a little. “Listen, Arthur, you are my son, my only child, my heir. Forget what I said earlier. I cannot risk anything happening to you. I have bribed one of the officers on the other side, he will let you on a boat. Just hurry before all the boats are gone, there aren’t many. In fact, I don’t think there are enough for even half the passengers. And don’t make a fuss now, this is definitely not the right moment to play the hero!”

Without any other words Uther grabbed Arthur’s arm and dragged him along, Leon stayed behind. Arthur was in a daze, too confused to resist. Uther cared enough about him to bribe an officer to get him off the ship. But he didn’t really care about _him_ , he cared about his lineage that had to live on. That hurt, more than he wanted to admit. Had he ever been more to Uther than the needed son to carry on the bloodline. And now he should get in a boat when they were only taking women and children, and there probably wasn’t enough room in the boats for all the passengers anyways. Definitely not for people like Merlin.

Only when he was already sitting in one of the boats next to Elena he finally fully realised what was going on. He looked up and saw Leon and his father standing at the rail, looking down at him as the boat was lowered, he saw Elena smiling at him, and then they got lower and he saw the people who were still on the ship, trying to get out, and one of them was probably Merlin… He had promised to get Merlin out. He couldn’t leave this ship. Not with Merlin still on board.

“I’m sorry. I can’t.” He stood up. He couldn’t leave the ship when Merlin was still on it.

“Jesus Christ, what on earth are you doing? Sit back down, you will turn the boat over!” The officer sitting at the stern of the small life boat stared at him. “Are you mad?”

“Yes… yes I think I am.” Arthur praised his luck that he was standing in one of the boats at the front of the ship where the decks were open. He leaned forward and jumped. The people in the life boat screamed. The people on the ship screamed. He wasn’t sure if he himself screamed too. From above he could hear his name, faint and distant, he wasn’t sure if it was Leon or Uther calling, or both.

He was falling, and then his outstretched arms hit the rail and Arthur grabbed it and held on with all his strength. Other people who stood nearby took his arms and pulled him back onto the ship, and finally he fell down onto the deck, breathing hard. He had made it back. Now he had to find Merlin.

<°)))>< *~*~* ><(((°>

When the Master of Arms had led Merlin away he had felt utterly defeated. He wasn’t able to stay with Arthur and neither could he go and look for his friends. Now he was handcuffed and locked to a tube, unable to even step away from the outer wall. And he was left all alone. He heard the groaning and creaking of metal all around him, and after a while the water outside rose higher than the porthole next to his face. That was when he started to get really worried. When he tried to reach out for his magic he found it to be restricted by the iron cuffs around his wrists, and the thought of being trapped down here without even his magic frightened him to the bone.

Merlin started calling, shouting, hoping for someone, anyone to hear him. He didn’t really expect anyone to come, all sensible people should have left this part of the ship by now, but that didn’t stop him from crying for help. It was his last and only chance, he would be damned if he didn’t take it. Maybe, by pure luck, someone would still hear him. Maybe, he didn’t even dare to hope for it, but maybe someone would even come looking for him.

After a while, he saw water seeping in from under the door.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soooo this chapter is reaaaally long and at some point I felt like actually cutting it into two chapters because I think this one is over 5k haha  
> but that would fuck up my posting schedule so, take a 5k chapter XD
> 
> and also __  
> ~~~~~~~m!nd*~*þe*~*tagssssss~~~~~~~~  
> 

When Gwaine, Lancelot and Percival came back from the party they were a little, but not too surprised that Merlin wasn’t in their cabin. They grinned knowingly when they saw his rumpled bedsheets though. Guessing that Merlin was probably escorting Arthur back to his own room they went to bed. Surely Merlin would return soon.

Shortly before midnight they were harshly woken from their sleep. The whole ship was trembling, shaking, and then the engines stopped. Lancelot’s first instinct was to get out of bed, to turn on the light, but the floor was already wet, icy cold water covering it up to his ankles.

“Shit!” Lancelot cursed, “This is bad! We need to get out!”

Gwaine, who was already struggling to put his clothes back on, held him back. “Merlin! Where’s Merlin?”

“For fuck’s sake! What do I know? Probably with Arthur, somewhere further up!”

“What if he’s not? We need to find him!” Within a few words they were nearly screaming at one another.

“Hey, guys. Calm down, both of you. Don’t panic,” Percival interrupted them. “Let’s get up to the deck. Even if Merlin isn’t there, Leon and Arthur probably are. We can ask them if they know anything about Merlin. That’ll be more useful than just blindly running off into whatever direction without knowing that he’s there. All right? Let’s go then!”

They were not the only people woken by the ship’s vibrations, and also not the only ones who were now on their way out. Many were already waiting at the stairs leading upwards, it appeared though that the doors between the classes were locked and that the staff wouldn’t open them yet.

“Come on, there’s no getting out here. Maybe we can find a way up at the stairs that lead straight to the Promenade Deck,” Gwaine suggested. Lancelot and Percival followed him, and really they found a staircase that was unblocked and led them up to the deck where a lot of people were already waiting. Gwaine looked back at his friends.

“Okay, see that we don’t lose each other We have to try and find Leon, or Arthur, or both. I’ll try to find out where Merlin is.”

With these words he was already on his way, scurrying through the people that were anxiously trying to get onto one of the life boats. Lancelot and Percival followed him with some difficulty. The deck was crowded though, slowly people started to panic and beneath their feet the ship slowly but steadily tilted forward.

Finally they gave up on their search mission. Gwaine leaned against the railing, catching his breath and eying the water beneath them that had definitely come closer in the last thirty minutes.

“Shit,” he cursed through gritted teeth. “I promised his mother I would look after him. And now I lost him. On a fucking sinking ship!”

Lancelot patted his shoulder. “Don’t worry, Gwaine. He might still show up.”

Gwaine snorted. “Sure. How high do you think – ”

Again their beginning argument was interrupted by Percival, only this time he shouted: “There’s Leon!”

He pointed down the deck where Leon’s curly hair could be seen sticking out of the crowd of people around him. A bolt of heat struck Percival’s chest when he saw him and he stormed off into Leon’s direction. Gwaine and Lancelot tried their best to keep up with him.

When the three reached Leon he was leaning at the railing while Uther Pendragon, Duke of Bedford, shoved an almost sluggish Arthur into a life boat. Merlin wasn’t with him though. Leon looked uncomfortable but also relieved to see Arthur on the boat. Yet when he heard Percival’s voice right next to him he whirled around and his face lit up.

“Percival! Lancelot! Gwaine! What are you doing here?”

“Same as you, trying to get on a boat, I guess. But I’m glad to see that you’re still… as well as you can be.”

“Likewise.” Was it Percival’s imagination or did Leon really blush a little at his words? Oh god, he was probably just making a complete fool of himself. He tried to smile not too brightly at Leon. That would only add to his appearance as a total dumbass.

Luckily Lancelot seemed to notice Percival’s lovestruckness and took over the conversation.

“We are looking for Merlin. Do you know where he could be?”

“Merlin? Oh. Oh.” Leon’s face fell immediately, he looked away from Percival with pain in his eyes. ”I fear he has been arrested. Arthur wanted him to stay with him and Uther… let’s just say he wasn’t happy about it.”

“Now that is just like him, the aristocratic bastard! Getting himself into one of the boats, but a peasant can get locked up inside a sinking ship!” He glared at Uther with so much hatred and scorn that Lancelot honestly feared for the Duke’s life. “They like to think of themselves as the masters of the universe, but really they cannot even master their own sons and their relationships with the tiniest bit of dignity! Sure, lock Merlin up! I’m sure he hasn’t done a bloody thing!”

“Gwaine! Calm down, that’s not going to help anyone right now. We need to find Merlin before it is too late.” Gwaine crossed his arms and pouted, still visibly angry and holding back. Lancelot looked at Leon again. “You don’t happen to know where the Master at Arms would take someone under arrest?”

Leon shook his head. “I wish I did.”

Suddenly Gwaine spoke up again. “It’s somewhere downstairs on the E-Deck. Let’s get back to the stairs.”

“How would you know?” Lancelot asked.

Gwaine shrugged. “Some things you just have to know, mate. Where the prison is, for example, and what the fastest way out of it is.”

Percival shook his head and grinned. “You’re a good man to have around then, in cases of emergency.”

“It probably depends on the kind of emergency you’re having. But this one? Can’t argue with that.”

Lancelot and Gwaine went off then, but Percival stayed behind hesitantly. He looked at Leon. “What about you? Joining us?”

Leon shortly looked over the railing towards the life boat with Arthur in it and then exchanged a long look with Percival. “I… yes, I mean – ”

Then Uther cried out in panic next to him: “Arthur!”

Leon’s eyes darted to the life boat beneath them and grew wide with fear. “Oh god! Arthur!” His hand flew to his mouth and he grew pale. “He is… he… he jumped! I – I need to get down, to the C-Deck, to see if he is all right. If he needs me. Oh god…”

“It’s all right. I understand.” Percival nodded in understanding. “He’s your friend. And I’ll go and look for my own friend.”

“Yes. Of course.”

Percival had already turned to run after Lancelot and Gwaine when Leon decided that he had nothing to lose. He grabbed his hand and held him for a second. “Percival…” Then he gathered all his courage and pressed a kiss to Percival’s calloused fingers. “Stay safe. Please. Because I would hate it if something happened to you.”

“Leon…” Percival hesitated for a second, reluctant to draw back his hand. “I… you too.”

“Go now, and find Merlin.” Leon let go of his hand and ran off in the other direction. He couldn’t bear to see the sad expression in Percival’s eyes any longer.

<°)))>< *~*~* ><(((°>

When Percival arrived at the staircase Gwaine and Lancelot were waiting for him there, impatiently so but they were waiting. He didn’t think he looked too flustered from the short kiss Leon had pressed to his knuckles, but the tale telling grins of his friends proved him wrong.

“Took you quite a bit, saying good bye to your sweetheart,” Gwaine winked.

“Oh, shut up. We wanted to find Merlin, didn’t we?”

“Sure, Merlin.” Gwaine turned serious within less than a second. “Let’s go.”

They went back down the stairs they had just come up, only this time they turned to the left earlier. The E-Deck was already flooded with water up to their knees now, and it was freezing cold. Cursing they waded through it, and at least it got shallower in the direction they were going. Then, they heard a voice. A male voice desperately calling for help.

“Merlin?! Merlin, is that you?”

The cries stopped and Gwaine ran off in the direction they had come from.

“Gwaine? Gwaine! Help me!”

“Merlin!” He found the door and kicked it in, not bothering to try and open the lock. Merlin was standing at the far wall, clinging to a tube – no, locked to a tube, with iron cuffs that hindered him from using his magic. “Oh my god, Merlin! How did you end up here?”

“How did you even find me?” Merlin was close to tears when Gwaine wrapped his arms around him. “Jesus, why did you even come down here looking for me? Are you mad? This ship is sinking!”

“I would never leave you behind, Merlin. Never, you hear me? You’re my best friend.” Gwaine looked at him for a second before he continued speaking: “Leon told us you had been arrested, but he didn’t go into detail about it. He just said something about Uther wasn’t too pleased to have you around?”

“He thought I got too clingy when Arthur wanted me to stay with him. Told the steward I had been molesting his son. If only he’d know how close he was to the truth… in a way,” Merlin snorted.

“Wouldn’t expect anything else from that damn aristocrat. They all think they’re something better.” Gwaine shrugged. “But hey, I’m happy for you that you and Arthur now really have a thing. Honestly, that’s great. Now we just have to see that the two of you both make it out of here alive, so how do we get you out of these cuffs?”

“I have no idea. The Master of Arms took the key with him and I can’t get them off with magic, they’re iron.”

“All right, all right… don’t worry, Merlin, we’ll find a way to get you out of here.” Gwaine took a look around the room. “Lancelot, can you try to find a spare key in the cabinet over there? I’ll check the desk. And Percival…”

“I’ll see if I can find someone who might be able to help us. In case you can’t find a key.”

“Good. Go on, then.”

Percival left the room, Gwaine and Lancelot started looking through the keys in the cabinet and the desk that was stuffed with paper and pencils, but to no avail. Unfortunately, none of the keys that Lancelot found fit into the locks of Merlin’s handcuffs, and so they were left to anxiously wait for Percival’s return.

The water rose higher, by now it had almost reached their hips. The light started to flicker from time to time. Merlin was clinging to the cool tube, shivering despite Gwaine’s arm wrapped around his shoulders. When the light went off for a longer time now he closed his eyes in defeat. “Just… leave me. You should go and save yourself. There’s no way I could ever make it out of here.”

“Yes, there is. We’ll find one. You’re not only my best friend, I also promised your mum I wouldn’t leave you. So I won’t.”

“Me neither.” Lancelot crossed his arms. “Jesus, this water is bloody freezing.”

“Whom are you telling this?” Merlin’s teeth were chattering audibly. “God, this is awful.” He suddenly laughed. “I had never thought that I would die like this, on the greatest ship in the world. Have to look at it in a positive way, huh? I will have a spectacular grave.”

Before Gwaine could speak up and forbid Merlin to talk about dying, Percival showed up in the doorway holding up an axe. “That’s all I could find. Have you found a key?” They shook their heads. “Well, step aside. We’ll have you free in no time, don’t worry, Merlin.”

“Oh god, what if you hurt him? What if you accidentally chop off his hand?” Lancelot looked even more anxious as Merlin did.

“Jesus Christ, just get on with it. It’s the only chance I have, if he doesn’t at least try it I will die anyways.” Merlin hid his face behind the tube and held his hands as far apart as the cuffs allowed him to. “Just make it fast, please.”

“Don’t worry, mate. I’ve chopped my fair share of wood in my life. I know how to handle an axe. You won’t even notice it.” With these words Percival lifted the axe high above his head. In the blink of an eye it rushed down and crashed onto the tube. A sharp metallic clank could be heard, and then Merlin’s overjoyed laughter.

“Oh my god! You did it! You really did it!” He hugged Percival tightly with his now free arms. “Thank you so much! Thanks to all of you. For coming back.” He smiled gratefully at his friends.

“Well, you’re welcome, but now that you’re free again we really should see that we get out of here.” Gwaine raised an eyebrow. “Come on, this sinking ship ain’t gonna wait for us, and neither will the life boats!”

When they stepped out into the corridor, they quickly found that their entrance way was now blocked by the quickly rising water.

“Where did you come from?” Lancelot looked at Percival who only shrugged helplessly and pointed towards the now flooded passage.

“Doesn’t matter, we’ll find another way. There is more than one staircase on this ship. We just need to find one leading up to the Boat Deck,” Gwaine tried to cheer them up and then led the way in the opposite direction.

Soon, the water got shallower and they could move faster. They found other stairs leading up to the D-Deck, and there came across other people who were trapped inside the ship. The doors to the upper classes were still locked though with the stewards refusing to open them.

“Lancelot!” A girl standing in the crowd had spotted them and now made their way towards the four men. “Oh god, Lancelot!” Her hair was a little messy as if she had already been asleep before the collision had woken them. “Where have you been? You’re soaked, all of you!”

“Gwen!” Lancelot immediately wrapped his arms around her and they exchanged a kiss before he asked: “That’s a long story. Is Elyan here, too?”

Gwen nodded. “Right at the gate, he and some others are trying to persuade the stewards to let us out. They can’t keep us in here forever, right?”

“I don’t think so,” Lancelot tried to reassure her. “They’ll certainly let us up once the First Class people are all in their boats.”

“That’s rubbish,” Gwaine interrupted him. “There will never be enough boats for all the people on this ship. I’ll go and see Elyan.”

He as well as Percival now made their way to the front where they soon found Gwen’s brother.

“For fuck’s sake!” Elyan slammed his fist against the metal bars. “Open the damn doors and at least give us a chance, you bastards!”

“You step back! It’s not your time to go up yet!”

The crew members in their white uniforms who were standing on the other side had panic in their eyes as well. Their desperate attempts to hold on to their orders were apparently their own last straw before everything fell apart.

“There are women and children down there! For God’s sake, just let us out!”

“Stay back!”

“Jesus Christ! Let us through!” Gwaine turned around to his friends. “There must be another way.”

“No, we don’t have the time!” Merlin shuddered when he just so much as thought about the freezing water he had been in only minutes before.

Suddenly Percival spoke up. “Let me.” He raised his voice. “Let me through, do you hear me?”

“Yes, let him through!” Elyan helped him to clear a way. “You got this, Percy!”

“Move!”

Merlin wished that these cursed cuffs were no longer around his wrist restricting his magic. He would have blasted that damn door right out of its hinges. But as it was he was happy to watch Percival bend the bars with his bare hands.

“No! Stay back! You’re not allowed to do that! That’s White Star Line property, you’re going to pay for this!” the pale steward rambled on, until until the lock gave way and the door opened.

“Now out with us!”

“Stay back! You can’t – ”

Gwaine who had been the first to make his way through the now open gate was quick to mercilessly knock the steward out. “Now, follow me!” he called over his shoulders, hoping that his friends really did follow him. People were now flooding the corridor and he lost sight of his friends. He wanted to stop, turn around and wait for them, but the people kept pushing him forward, up the stairs and out, and he wanted to get out, too, so he went on. He could probably wait and look for them on the Boat Deck. They would certainly find each other again, he hoped.

<°)))>< *~*~* ><(((°>

Arthur scrambled to his feet and looked around in confusion. He wasn’t even sure on what deck he was now, and he had no idea where exactly Merlin could be held prisoner. Where would you take a young man to lock him up?

While standing there somewhat helplessly he was ran over by a man trying to get past him.

“Get yourself together, man! Safe yourself, this ship is bloody sinking!”

“I… I know,” was all Arthur could respond before the next person stumbled into him, sending him sprawling onto the floor face down. Someone stepped onto his hand and he groaned in pain. He needed to get up! Slowly, he rose to his knees and lifted his head. He saw people running past him and wondered where to they were fleeing, but for the lack of better options he decided to follow them.

He had fallen onto the Saloon Deck as a sign told him, what was not too far from the lower deck where the Third Class parts of the ship were. Where Merlin was. Hopefully. He only needed to find a staircase that would lead him down, but the people here were probably already trying to find some stairs, so it was best if he just…

Arthur suddenly found himself back inside the ship, in the main staircase next to the Dining Room, and at least he knew now how he could get down to the E-Deck. He couldn’t take more than a few steps into the direction of the corridor though before he was hindered by a pair of arms that hugged him tightly.

“Oh my god Arthur, are you fucking mad? What do you think you were doing?” It was Leon’s voice, and it sounded worried and relieved at the same time.

“Leon? What are you doing down here?”

“I came to find you. When I saw you jumping from that boat, Jesus Christ, Arthur, I think my heart stopped for a moment. You were safe!” He turned Arthur around to look at him. “Why did you do that, huh? God, you’re so stupid!”

Arthur shook his head. “I need to find Merlin.” He tried to wriggle out of Leon’s embrace, but his friend grabbed his shoulder and held him back.

“Wait! I don’t know how good this idea is, because Uther was just…”

“Arthur!”

“Shit,” Leon mumbled.

Arthur stared at him in shock. “He came down here, looking for me?” This was bad. Really bad. He grabbed Leon’s hand and dragged him off into the corridor, down a couple of stairs to the D-Deck. There, the water was rising quickly, the corridors already flooded up to their ankles, but Arthur didn’t care and neither did Uther who ran after them.

“Arthur, you ungrateful coward! What on earth did you think?!” He had now caught up with Arthur, got hold of his arm and forcefully whirled him around. “Answer me!”

“I was – ”

But Uther didn’t let him finish. “Nothing, of course! I still cannot believe it! Do you have any idea how much it cost me to get you that seat in that life boat? Oh, but like you would care!” He was furious. Without a thought he raised his hand and, with a loud smack, hit Arthur across the face.

“Ow! You bastard!” Now Arthur got angry, too. “Can’t you just leave me be for once? You just cannot accept it when things don’t go to your will, can you?”

“How dare you speak to me in that tone? To your own father? Huh? Did this cursed Mr Emrys teach you this?”

“I told you before and I will gladly tell you again, Uther Pendragon. You are no longer my father!”

Instead of a reply Uther hit him again, and this time Arthur hit back. Leon only watched them, frozen in shock on the stairs behind them, unable to move. Soon, Uther’s nose was bleeding and Arthur’s left eye started to swell shut. Then, Uther landed a well-aimed blow right beneath Arthur’s ribcage, and Arthur fell to the ground, gasping for air and yet unable to draw breath. Water splashed. Uther took a step and now loomed right above him. He kicked Arthur in the ribs again, then on the head. Finally, drew his pistol and aimed for Arthur’s head.

“NO!” Leon’s cry was swallowed by the sudden rush of water when right behind them, a door gave in to the pressure of the dammed up water behind it. It burst from its hinges and a huge wall of water came rushing towards them.

While Uther still stared at the flood wave in horror Leon’s instincts kicked in. Grabbing his unconscious friend at the shoulders and dragging him back to where they had come from, he reached the staircase just in time to escape the water rushing past them. Judging from the soon dying screams, Uther was not so lucky.

While he pulled Arthur up the narrow stairs, Leon honestly tried to feel pity for this bitter old man. Uther had taken him in after his parents had died, he had provided care for him, but the best thing he had done for him was bring him to Arthur who had soon become his best friend. And after everything that Uther had done to him, everything Arthur had suffered through…

No, Leon did not feel much thinking about his death. Maybe he should, and maybe he would grief for him later, if they would survive this. But right now, his top priority was to get Arthur out of here.

After all the struggle it meant to carry a soaked and unconscious Arthur up several stairs he reached the C-Deck again, where the floor was still dry and he could check on Arthur. Carefully, Leon kneeled down next to his friend. He seemed to have a little trouble breathing, but at least he was alive. Leon took out his handkerchief, gently wiped the blood and sea water from Arthur’s face and then pressed it against the still bleeding wound. Then he picked him up, and with the dead weight of his unconscious friend in his arms, he fought his way back to the Grand Staircase. He needed to get Arthur into a boat if he wanted him to survive. In his condition it was his only chance.

<°)))>< *~*~* ><(((°>

Lancelot and Gwen had been forced to stay behind as Gwaine, Percival, Elyan and eventually Merlin had run through the gate, along the corridor and up the next stairs. When the stream of people finally ebbed and they could make their own way up the others were long gone. He didn’t hold it against them. He would have done the same had he been in their place. He and Gwen were on their own now, and he would see that at least she made it out of here.

“Go to the other side,” he told Gwen, “There should be more boats left.”

“What about you?” She clung to his arm. “I won’t leave you here, Lance!”

“What about your brother? Think of your brother! You’ve only known me for a few days.”

“But I love you.” Her eyes were shining bright with tears. “Let me stay with you… please.”

He stared at her in wonder, then pulled her into a tight hug and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I love you too, Gwen. You are the best thing that ever happened to me, in all my life.” Then he took her hand and led her on. “Just promise me one thing. If they let you on a boat, get on a boat. Don’t sacrifice yourself. I’ll find a way out of here on my own if I must.”

Gwen nodded. “Promise.”

Really there were still two boats on the port side of the ship. The first one had just been cranked into the davits and crew members had formed a circle around it to let only women and children on. Lancelot nudged Gwen to go forward.

“Please, you promised. Now’s not the time to play the heroine.”

Gwen pressed one last desperate kiss to his lips before she ran for the boat. Lancelot saw the despair in her eyes, the unwillingness to leave him to his fate and at the same time the glimmer of hope that she really might make it. When he saw her seated in the life boat he had to bite his lip to make himself believe this was real. At least Gwen would be safe. At least she was cared for.

The boat reached the water with Gwen on board and Lancelot allowed himself a moment of relief before he fully faced the fatality of his own situation. There was one boat on the port side, only women and children were allowed in and the water was almost up to the Deck.

He looked around, searching for an alternative, a life vest, really anything that would float and that he could use to keep himself out of the freezing water. To his surprise, he spotted a familiar face in the crowd of people around him and with a tiny spark of hope suddenly rekindling in his heart he tried to get through to him.

“Leon!”

“Lancelot! Where are the others?”

“I don’t know, I lost them. I’m just glad that Gwen is safe, and that I found you.”

“What are you doing here, then?”

“The same as you I guess. Hoping for a boat.” Only now that Leon had turned around Lancelot could see that he was carrying Arthur bridal style. The young man was unconscious and had a bleeding head wound. His clothes were soaked and he was shivering in the icy night. “What happened to him?”

“He got into a fight with Uther. Downstairs when he was looking for Merlin. Now I’m trying to get him out of here. He won’t have a chance if he doesn’t get onto one of the boats.”

The worry in Leon’s eyes made Lancelot’s heart ache. “If he wakes, tell him that we freed Merlin from the arrest room. I have no idea where he is now. Let me have a look around.”

He climbed up onto the rail as other men had done before him, holding on to one of the ropes. There was still room in the boat, and plenty at it, if they only would let them on!

He jumped down again and fought his way to the front. The front where the First Officer William McMaster Murdoch was shouting at them to stay back, to only let women and children through and to stay back, god damn it. And Lancelot found himself eye to eye with him.

“At least give us a chance, you bastard! Let us on!”

“I told you, stay back!”

Murdoch drew his pistol. A shot was fired into the night air, then another one. Then, the next shot hit. A young man had tried to climb up on the ropes and into the boat. Murdoch shot him. Lancelot felt a hand between his shoulder blades as someone behind him must have fallen or been shoved forward. He stumbled towards Murdoch, and the next thing he felt was searing pain welling up in his chest, and then no more.

When William McMaster Murdoch heard the screams of the people around him and saw the blood pooling around the ones he had shot realisation struck him hard. His hands started shaking. _He_ had shot these men. He had killed them!

Guilt and regret threatened to overwhelm him. He looked around, at the panicked people cursing him, at the other officers next to him preparing the next life boat, and he felt that he could take this no more. There was no way out, and if there was he would have to live with having shot two innocent men who had only tried to save their lives. For a second, his eyes rested upon the Purser Hugh McElroy, the man who had loved him in secret and whom he had loved in return. He whispered a silent good bye, even though he doubted that Hugh would hear him. Then, he saluted.

In this moment, Hugh turned around and saw him, pressing the pistol to his forehead. In the blink of an eye, he realised what was going on. Blank panic and desperation marked his face.

“No, Will!”

But Will didn’t listen to him, even though it pained him to leave his lover like this. He pulled the trigger one last time.

Leon stared in horror at Lancelot’s body quickly bleeding out from the bullet wound in his chest, his friend, suffocating, drowning in his own blood. Then, that bastard Murdoch shot himself. His hold around the still unconscious Arthur tightened. At least him he had to get out of here before everything was too late!

“Please!” He tried to get to the front. “Please, let us through! He is badly injured!”

The officer in front of him, a Purser, looked sharply at Leon. “Give him to one of the women to take care of him and step back.”

“No!” Leon held onto Arthur. “You don’t understand, I’m the only one he has left in the world… and I only have him. Please. Please let us through! I cannot lose him! Please.”

Their eyes met for an eternally long moment, and Leon suddenly saw the pain in the officer’s eyes reflecting his own. Then, finally, the man nodded. “All right. We need a few men to help handling the boats anyways. Get on, both of you.”

Immense relief washed over Leon as he hurried past the Purser and towards the life boat. The water line was already dangerously close. Two women in the boat helped him to get Arthur into it, then he climbed in after them. While the boat was still being lowered he pulled the wet clothes off of Arthur. A woman handed him a blanket and he wrapped his friend into it. Above them, people were screaming. When they reached the water, Leon was handed an oar and he started rowing, away from the sinking ship like he was in some kind of trance. Uther had been about to shoot Arthur, but then the water had claimed him. Lancelot was dead, shot right before his eyes. Arthur was unconscious and had probably a few broken ribs, but by some miracle they still had made it into a boat, together. His heart ached, and yet, he felt so empty.

Only a few minutes later, when Arthur who was half draped across his lap finally stirred he allowed himself to cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the whole McElroy/Murdoch story is completely made up by me XD plot holes and all that haha  
> also there is probably some historical inaccuracy to the boats and which were lowered and which were washed off the ship and all that, and what happened on which side of the ship... please forgive me XD


	12. Chapter 12

Gwaine reached the Boat Deck and took a deep breath. He had made it up here again, he had been given a chance to fight and now he would take it. He quickly scanned his surroundings, saw that most of the boats were already gone and the few that were still on the ship were already crowded with people. Plus most of the officers seemed to make a big deal out of not letting any men on at all. Which left him with essentially one possibility.

“Gwaine!” Suddenly, Merlin was standing next to him, wrapped in a blanket that some helpful person must have handed him. “Oh my god, Gwaine, I’m so glad I found you.”

“Merlin!” His face lit up. “Have you seen the others?”

Merlin shrugged. “Percival and Elyan were somewhat close behind me when we were running up the stairs, but suddenly they were not anymore, and I haven’t seen Gwen Lancelot at all since we broke through the gate.”

“Damn it, and we have no time to look for them.” Gwaine shook his head. “It probably would be futile anyways, in this panicked heap that this ship is.”

“Well, that’s hardly surprising,” Merlin huffed a short and bitter laugh. “It’s not like we have much time left.”

Gwaine threw him a strange look, he wasn’t entirely sure what Merlin wanted to imply with these words but also didn’t really want to ask him. There would be time for that later. Right now, he needed to see that they both made it through this alive.

When he saw a helpless steward running around with an idle life vest in his arms he took his chance and grabbed it, not for himself though, but for Merlin. There was a short debate when Merlin told him to take it for himself, but he insisted that his friend kept it on. He would manage to look after himself, but he had to get Merlin out of here at all cost. When finally Merlin gave in and tied the strings of his life belt with shaking fingers Gwaine was relieved. At least he wouldn’t have to blame himself for not trying his best if – Better not to think of it.

“We have to stay on the ship as long as possible,” Gwaine told him.

Merlin nodded. “All right.”

“Now follow me!”

The deck beneath their feet moved steadily, the ship groaned, the floor grew steeper and steeper. Gwaine grabbed Merlin’s hand and pulled him with him, to aft. Merlin’s lips were blue by now and his whole body was shaking despite the blanket wrapped around his shoulders beneath the life vest. Gwaine grew increasingly worried for him. He knew – and he also knew that Merlin knew – that they would end up in the freezing water before long. And life belt or no, he was almost certain that Merlin, if they wouldn’t be saved by some miracle, wouldn’t survive it. That boy was only skin and bones, he would freeze to death in no time. At least Merlin he had to keep out of the water as long as he could.

So he urged him on to the back of the ship that by now was rising out of the water as the bow was pulled under by the immense weight of all the water that had flooded it. Naturally, the rear would be the part that would stay afloat the longest. But of course Gwaine was not the only one of the many people still on the _Titanic_ who had come to this conclusion. Everyone was struggling to flee uphill, away from the water that rose on the outer decks as well as inside the ship. People were screaming. By now probably everyone was panicking and not even the few officers who were still on board were trying to call the people to discipline. It would have been futile anyways. And so they, too, were running in desperate attempts for their lives.

Gwaine mercilessly fought his way through the crowd, always keeping hold of Merlin’s hand, dragging him with him. It had been his idea to go to America, he had persuaded Merlin to come with him, he had bought the tickets. That made it his responsibility to look after him now as well. If something, _anything_ happened to Merlin he would never forgive himself.

Around them, men and women were jumping off the ship while others were struggling to reach the rear just like them. Pushing another few people out of the way Gwaine grabbed the rail and pulled Merlin to his side. “Here, hold on.”

Merlin only nodded. His fingers clutched the cool iron with all his might until the knuckles were standing out whitely, the cuffs still dangling from his wrists shaking slightly as his muscles trembled. His chest was heaving and he was breathing heavily from all the running and being dragged along. But when he now looked at his friend he managed a small smile. “Thanks, Gwaine.”

“Everything for you, Merlin.” Gwaine patted his shoulder lightly and smiled at him to reassure him. “Don’t rip off that rail though. I’m sure we’re going to need it before long. Better save your strength.”

“All right. All right.” Merlin’s grip didn’t loosen noticeably, but he turned his large, frightened eyes away from Gwaine and towards the crowded deck. “What’s happening to us now, Gwaine?”

“I don’t know. Just hold on, listen to me and follow me whatever I do, okay?”

“Yeah.”

By now, the angle in which the ship stood out of the water had become so steep that everyone who was not lucky enough to grab a hold was sliding down the deck, taking other people down with them on their way into the freezing water. Suddenly, the lights were flickering for one last time and then went out. It was utterly dark now on the ship as well as in the water. The screaming around them reached a new pitch until it was replaced by an awful creak that sent shudders down Gwaine’s back, and these shudders did not come from the cold.

Before he really knew what was happening he felt like flying. The ship had been broken in two, the enormous weight of the water pulling the bow down being too much. Now the rear of the ship was rushing down onto the water again, smashing onto the surface and this time, Merlin in his arms screamed, too. Maybe even Gwaine did scream. He couldn’t tell, his head was spinning and the shock made his heart feel weak.

Luckily not his arms. As fast as the ship had fallen down it was rising up again, this time with no bow part holding it in balance. Merlin was clinging to the rail anxiously. Gwaine looked up and saw people climbing over the rail, and his instincts told him to follow them.

“We have to move!” With a few quick motions he was over the rail. “Give me your hand,” he told Merlin, “I’ll pull you over.” Merlin was looking so frightened when Gwaine took his hand that he reassured him further. “I’ve got you. I won’t let go. Come on, I’ve got you!”

Merlin came to lie next to him on the rail, panting and scared. “What’s happening? Gwaine?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know!” Gwaine wished he knew, but he had never even so much as seen a ship sink. So all he could do was keep himself from panicking and try to hold onto something like everyone else.

It wasn’t long until they were both lying on the rail, huddled together for warmth, holding onto it and each other for dear life. Soon the rear was nearing the vertical, floating on the water like a cork. The air trapped inside the huge steel vessel was keeping it on the surface for a short while. They were staring into the abyss, saw people letting go and yet could not aver their eyes. People who could no longer hold on were falling, screaming, dying around them. Gwaine wrapped his right arm tightly around Merlin’s waist hoping to offer him some comfort.

“Hold on!”

“Gwaine!”

Then, the pressure inside the ship became too much. The first windows were blown out of their frames, glass splintering, metal bursting. As the air was escaping the ship eventually sank. Never before had Gwaine thought that one day he would be so grateful for a life vest, and especially for a life vest that not he himself, but Merlin wore.

“Oh god, Gwaine! What’s happening?”

“The ship is gonna suck us down. Take a deep breath when I say it!” Gwaine tore his gaze away from the bubbling, boiling, quickly approaching surface and looked at Merlin. His friend had a look of determination on his face now. He grabbed his hand. “Try to keep on the surface, and keep kicking! Don’t let go of my hand! We’re gonna make it, Merlin. You trust me?”

“I trust you.” Merlin nodded shakily.

Shortly before the ship went under Gwaine stood and pulled Merlin up with him. “Now!”

Then, they were in the water, under the water, the water was all around them. And Jesus fucking Christ, this water was bloody cold.

When the water rushed over Merlin’s head he wanted to scream. He had been in this icy water before, back on the ship, but somehow he had forgotten how utterly _cold_ it was. It felt like it was piercing through his skin, trying to seep into his bones and freeze his marrow and his brain all together. Yet Gwaine’s words were still somehow present to him, and he clung to them like to a lifeline.

_Keep kicking! Don’t let go of my hand!_

His hold on Gwaine’s hand tightened. The suction of the ship pulled them down into the seemingly bottomless depths of the North Atlantic but Merlin’s life belt was there, trying to keep him afloat. Together with Merlin’s own weak struggle to resurface it was apparently enough to bring him up again, but Gwaine –

“Gwaine!” Merlin looked around, saw people next to him screaming for help, for their loved ones, in agony. The cold made it nearly unable for him to move or even breathe, but he forced himself to fill his lungs with air, to cry out for his friend again. “Gwaine!”

He must have lost hold of him in the whirling water, his frozen hand slipping from his friend’s grasp. Gwaine wasn’t wearing a life belt, he probably had been sucked down with the ship. If only he hadn’t let go of Gwaine’s hand. If only Gwaine had taken the life belt for himself. How could he have been so selfish and just take it from him?

All around him, people were fighting over pieces of debris, wooden furniture, planks, whatever was floating in the water. He heard water splashing, the desperate cries of men, women and children all around him, but no Gwaine. Nobody he recognised. His own voice was shrill with panic when he shouted again: “Gwaine!”

Suddenly, there was a tight grip on his shoulders, someone was there, pulling him closer and then he was beneath the water again, struggling, fighting for air and against the all-consuming cold. He surfaced for a brief moment, gasped for air, wanted to cry out, but in the next moment he was under water again.

Then Gwaine’s voice was there beneath all the cries and the shouting, and he was calling out for him: “Merlin!” Gwaine was swimming towards him like an angel sent down from heaven and before he could be dunked under a third time Gwaine was at his side and punched the man that was still clinging to Merlin in the face. “Get off him! Get off!”

With a cry, the man let go and Merlin found himself face to face with his best friend who dripping and shaking but miraculously still alive. “Merlin!”

“Gwaine!”

“Swim, Merlin! I need you to swim! Keep swimming!”

And Merlin swam. He didn’t know how he mustered the strength to even move his hurting arms and legs, but somehow he managed to follow Gwaine who was leading the way through the freezing water and the people around them.

“It’s so cold…!”

“Just swim, Merlin, please! I need you to swim!” Gwaine reached out for him with his hand, pulled him closer and swam on. When Gwaine didn’t give up Merlin had to hold on, too, right? He couldn’t leave Gwaine behind all on his own. They were in this together after all, weren’t they?

Then there were less people around them and Gwaine spotted a large piece of wood that was afloat on the water. “Come on, Merlin!” He guided them both over to what seemed to be a large door. “Keep swimming. Come on. Here, get on it.”

Gwaine’s hand grabbed one of his arms and helped him onto the door, Merlin wondered how he even did that. How was he still going on, keeping both of them alive? Because he knew that he had to live on now, if not for himself then for Gwaine. Gwaine, who was fighting for him even harder than he was fighting for himself. So he forced his tired muscles to move and eventually pulled himself up and out of the water.

When he finally came to lay on the wet wood he was breathing heavily. He was exhausted. The cold was quickly draining all his energy, his whole body hurt from it. He was shaking, but holding onto the door tightly. Then Gwaine tried to climb onto it, too. The wood tilted, Merlin’s grip tightened instinctively, he heard himself scream hoarsely and all his brain could think of was to not go back into that water again, please, no going back, not into the cold…

“No, stay on it, Merlin. You stay on it.” Gwaine let go, he plunged back into the water and Merlin was floating again. “You’ll be all right now. Don’t worry. You’ll be all right.” Gwaine’s teeth were chattering now, he was holding onto the door but his legs were still moving, he was trying to keep himself warm as well as his head above the water. Still people were screaming for help, an officer in the water next to them was whistling even and calling for the life boats to return.

“What’s going to happen to us now?” Merlin whispered.

“Don’t worry, Merlin,” his friend tried to smile at him with his blue, frozen lips. “The boats are gonna return. They were just rowing away to avoid the suction. They are gonna return and pick us up. You’re gonna be fine, do you hear me?”

Merlin nodded. He knew that he was shaking, but he couldn’t really feel anything. “I’m frightened, Gwaine.”

“Don’t be. Everything is going to be all right. And I swear, once we’re safely back in New York I’m going to write a strongly worded letter to the White Star Line about all this. Terrible service, really. I didn’t pay 36$ for this. It won’t be long until they pick us up, you’ll see.”

“Oh, Gwaine…” A shudder ran through his entire body and suddenly, there were tears stinging in his eyes. “But what if they won’t? This is so pointless, Gwaine. We won’t make it out of here. I couldn’t even kiss him good bye. And now I won’t see him ever again.”

“Of course you will.” It took Gwaine less than a second to know who Merlin was talking about. “Don’t you dare speak like that now. The boats are gonna return like I told you. Probably… just have to get a few things arranged over there.” He took a shuddering breath, then another.

“You really think that?”

“Yeah. They have to. Decency and all that. They can’t just let us drown.” He smiled, and Merlin tried his best to make his returning smile look as confident as possible.

After some time the cries in the water around them became more and more quiet. People fell silent, died. Still, the boats did not return. Merlin spoke up again.

“They seem to take quite long.”

“Maybe they have some trouble rearranging the people. Making enough space in the boats. But I’m certain that they will return. And they will find us and pick us up. And they will take you to your man, Merlin. You must never stop believing in it. I am certain that you will see your Arthur again. See, Merlin, my life isn’t worth much anyways. But you, you have something to live for. We both have seen the way he looks at you. How he smiles when he speaks of you. I have only seen him for like five minutes, but that has been enough for me to know for certain. That guy loves you, Merlin. You have to live on, for him.”

“What if not? What if he has died?” Merlin was falling more and more silent. He was tired, the cold numbing him while the pain lessened.

“I don’t think so. His father is Uther Pendragon, Duke of Bedford. One of the poshest nobles of all the posh nobles on this ship, and one of the richest, too. If Arthur hasn’t bought himself a seat in one of the life boats I am quite sure his father has.”

“You cannot know this.”

“No, I cannot.” Gwaine’s shaky smile was as tired as Merlin himself felt. “But my heart tells me that there is something greater tying the two of you together. Something like destiny. And one day you’ll meet again. Don’t you worry about that, Merlin. You and Arthur, you belong together.” He closed his eyes for a moment. “I’m glad that I got us these tickets, you know. And that I took you with me. I’m glad that through me you could meet him.”

“No, Gwaine, don’t you dare! Don’t you say good bye now!”

“Just promise me that you will hold on, all right, Merlin? Promise me. For Arthur. So my life had at least one purpose.”

“Gwaine!” By now he was sobbing. “Oh, Gwaine, I don’t want to lose you. Not here, not now, not this way!” He grabbed Gwaine’s hands. They were cold like ice, but Merlin didn’t feel it, his own fingers freezing as well. “Please…”

“Don’t worry about me, Merlin. Just do me the honour and… live on. Promise me that you will never let go. Never give up”

“All right. I promise. I will never let go.”

“Good…” Another shaky breath. Gwaine closed his eyes again, but kept breathing, his shoulders and arms trembling. And Merlin clung to his cold hands, cool tears dripping onto them, and was praying silently for the boats to please, please finally return to them before it was too late.

<°)))>< *~*~* ><(((°>

It was horrifying to watch the lights on Titanic go dark. Leon held onto Arthur, seeking comfort in the warm skin touching his own, in his friend still being with him and _alive_ despite everything they had been through. After waking up for a short moment Arthur had fallen back asleep, this time being taken under by exhaustion as well as pain. Still he was shaking. Leon himself was grateful to be rowing, at least it kept him somewhat warm and occupied enough to not think too much about what had just happened. He clung to his oar and tried to only listen to the commanding officer, Quartermaster Rowe, who was shouting at them to bring some distance between themselves and the _Titanic_ or the suction might take them down with the ship.

Soon, his hands and back were hurting. He was scared, honest to god, he was so scared that the safety of the life boat was only feigned, that the ship would suck them down after all. And yet, he felt the urge to row back, to try and help those who hadn’t been as lucky as they were: the people in the water and those still on the ship who would end up in the water eventually.

He hadn’t seen Merlin ever since he had been arrested. Lancelot had told him that they had bailed him out but then he had lost sight of his friends. What if Merlin was dying, right now, somewhere on the ship? Leon gritted his teeth and kept rowing. No use in thinking about Merlin now. He should be happy to be as safe as one could be.

Then, the ship broke apart. At this point Leon wasn’t entirely sure anymore if he was still awake. Perhaps he was dreaming. It would be a terribly cold and cruel nightmare, but perhaps he would wake up in the morning and still be on the ship, and Arthur wouldn’t be hurt and Lancelot and Uther would still be alive. How could this huge ship that had been said to be unsinkable break apart? It was frightening, truly.

Only when the commanding officer shouted “Row!” he was taken back into reality. The painful cold made it clear to him that he was very much awake and not dreaming. Some people were praying. Others just stared in horror. Leon rowed. And rowed. He would row until his arms gave in. Just to not think of the tragedy happening around them, the people screaming and drowning.

Another boat approached them, it was boat 14 with Fifth Officer Lowe in command, and he shouted at Rowe to come over and tie their boats together. He was the one who ordered them to go back, to look for survivors.

“Right, listen to me, men. We have to go back. I want to transfer all the women and children from this boat into that boat right now, as quick as you can, please. Let’s make some space over there! The men, come with me!”

“He’s injured!” a woman pointed to Arthur who was by now slowly coming around again but not yet fully awake.

“Then leave him with you. But the other men, come over, we need go go back!”

Leon rose to his feet and only now noticed that he was shaking all over. Or was it the movement of the waves? He nearly fell over but caught himself on the oar. Straightening his back again he looked right into the cone of light spilling over them from Lowe’s torch, blinding the people in the collapsible boat. “I don’t want to leave him behind. He will be safer if he is with me and in a real boat rather than in a collapsible. I will take him with me.”

Lowe raised an eyebrow, but he quickly decided that they had no time for discussions. “Right, if you insist, then move him over. But make haste!”

It was a bit of a struggle to get Arthur up and into the boat, but with the help of several other passengers they managed. Arthur was only wearing a shirt and underpants, so when the passengers and crew members loaded the boat that was about to return with every spare blanket they could find Leon took one of them and wrapped it around Arthur’s front. He gave him a small smile. “You’re going to be all right. Just hold on. There will be someone who picks us up. Rescues us. Don’t worry, yeah?”

Arthur only nodded and huddled closer to Leon who took one of the oars again. When Lowe gave the command they started rowing back, slowly, and a young officer stood at the bow and was searching the now still water with his torch.

Lowe threw Leon a look. “He means a lot to you, then?”

“He is my best friend. And after all that I’ve gone through tonight to get him out of this ship I will not let go of him until he’s safe.”

“I see…” Lowe nodded. “It’s good to have a friend like you around. You have my respect, Sir.” He held out his hand. “I’m Harold Lowe.”

“Leon Knight. Thanks for letting me stay with him.”

“Sure.”

Then they returned their attention to the still water. There was debris, boxes, discarded life vests floating all around them. The officer at the front called out: “Right ahead, Sir!”

“Oars!” Lowe commanded.

Leon pulled in his oar. They had now reached the location of the sinking. Dead bodies were in front of them, next to them, all around them. Arthur next to him shuddered and averted his gaze. “Please, Leon, tell me this is a dream. We’re dreaming, aren’t we?”

“I wish we were…” Leon mumbled. He carefully patted Arthur’s head but quickly stopped when his friend made a small, pained noise. “I’m sorry.” Arthur just sighed and closed his eyes. Leon looked back to the officer.

“Do you see any moving?”

“No, sir. None moving, sir.”

“Check them!” Lowe told them. He looked to the starboard side. “Bring that oar up here!” The men followed his order and Lowe turned back to the bow. “Check them, make sure!”

A man two seats in front of Leon lifted a body up from the water. “These are… dead, sir.”

“Now give way. Ahead, easy. Careful with your oars. Don’t hit them.” Fifth Officer Lowe’s voice became quiet and Leon once again tried not to focus on all the bodies in the water. He tightened his grip around the oar until his cold fingers hurt. For some moments only the wooden clank of the oars against the boat and the quiet splashing of the water could be heard. Then Lowe straightened his back a little and called: “Is anyone alive out there? Can anyone hear me? Is there anyone alive out there?”

Lowe fell silent, his voice swallowed by the dark. There was no answer. Lowe uttered a low, muttered curse under his breath that Leon had heard a few times in the bars of Cardiff where he had studied for a year. He did not know enough Welsh to understand the meaning, but he knew enough to guess it. Then the young officer went on in English and Leon almost thought to hear it tremble when he spoke up again: “We waited too long.” Lowe stared into the sea, motionless for a second, biting his lips before he turned to his small crew with renewed. “Well, keep checking them! Keep looking!” And again, he turned to the darkness around them, tried his best to pierce it with his small torch and his loud voice. “Is anyone alive out there? Can anyone hear me? Hello!”

“There’s nothing here, sir.”

Lowe barely turned around. Still, his torch was searching the water determinately, checking for survivors. “I will not give up! Someone out there has to be alive. It cannot be. Can anyone hear me?”

They rowed on and on, blackness wrapped around them, blackness and deadly silence. And just when Leon thought they would have to return without any survivors, a shaky but shrill whistle sounded in the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, this is where historical inaccuracy becomes heavy xD according to my very thorough Wikipedia research Arthur and Leon should be in the Collapsible Boat C which was lowered on the starboard side where Murdoch had command. Lowe who ordered his boats to return was on the port side though and among the boats he ordered to be tied together before he went looking for survivors was Collapsible Boat D. Uhm. I’m just gonna ignore this for now. Fiction and all that.  
> Lowe though was actually Welsh, and was also played by a Welsh actor in the movie. Yes I have a bit more for him planned in the next chapter, I like him xD


	13. Chapter 13

Merlin was lying on his back, his wide opened eyes staring up at the stars unseeing. He felt numb and lost and so, so small. Something terrible had happened, that much he knew, and he was quite certain that this was the reason why he was now lying here. But where _here_ was… that he did not remember.

Breathing was hard, his lungs hurt. The ground he was lying on moved softly and from time to time there was a strange, wet cold seeping into his clothes. He was floating, he had to be. But where? It was so dark around him, so quiet and so cold, and he was all alone. If only he could remember…

Gwaine had been there, he suddenly remembered. But where was his friend now? Why had he left him? Merlin tried to move, to sit up and felt a tug at his hands as if someone was holding them. That must be Gwaine, probably. So he hadn’t left him after all. With a tired sigh he let himself sink back onto the cool underground again. The stars above him were so cold, and their cold was radiating into his bones, and he was so tired.

A tune was stuck in his head, a soft tune, a warm tune. It reminded him of the velvety darkness of a winter’s night, sprinkled with stars just like this one was. Only that said distant night was filled with a warmly crackling fire in the hearth, tender touches, soft words, a female voice, his mother. She was singing to him, the small tune that warmed the night just as much as the fire did, and a small boy leaned back into her embrace, closing his eyes, feeling safe and content and loved.

Here he was on his own and the little tune was all he could cling to in this dark cold. Merlin was humming it at first, then his lips started moving on their own, whispering the words up to the stars, desperately trying to let the little spark of warmth grow inside his chest. He wasn’t sure if it worked, but after a while the cold didn’t seem so bad anymore, a strange lethargy filled him. He did no longer know for certain where his body ended and the night began. It felt like he was dissolving, becoming a part of something greater, darker. Something a little scary, but overall welcoming and – warm.

It felt warm. So warm that Merlin was almost willing to give in. Let himself be carried away by it, fly up to these cool stars that didn’t seem so cold any more. Now their flickering light shone down on him with a friendly warmth, and it got brighter, a flash –

Merlin slowly turned his head. No, this flash did not come from the stars. It was a torch, a torch searching the water, searching for people! And a voice was there, a voice calling out for him, a voice that reminded him of someone, someone important… Someone he must not lose. Merlin stared into the light, saw the boat rowing past slowly. He felt a tug on his arms and remembered Gwaine, and he turned towards him in excitement.

“Gwaine…” He turned fully around to his friend now and reached out for his hand, shook him gently. “Gwaine… Gwaine… Gwaine, there’s a boat! Gwaine…” But Gwaine did not react, even though Merlin kept calling his name a few more times before slowly realisation set in. Realisation didn’t mean though that he quite believed what his brain tried to tell his heart. He wasn’t ready to give his best friend up. Not yet. “Gwaine! There’s a boat, Gwaine!”

His voice hitched, his lips trembled and through the tears in his eyes he watched the boat row away. Tiredly he laid back down, closed his eyes again, ready to give up. A sob broke free, then another one. In this moment Merlin honestly wanted to give up. If Gwaine was no longer alive, what was the point in reaching that boat? Making it to America on his own? He couldn’t do that.

But Gwaine had… he had told him to live on. That Arthur would certainly survive and that he had to live on for him. And Merlin had promised it. He had made a promise to Gwaine, and Gwaine was dead now. The last thing that bound him to his friend was this promise. He mustn’t give up, not now, not ever. He had to make a try for it, for Gwaine, to honour this promise. He lifted his head again.

“Come back,” he tried to call out, “Come back! Come back!” But his voice was weak and shaky and the boat had rowed on and was now already out of earshot. Fervently he tried to think of something, a way to draw their attention to him again, make them turn around, make them come back –

The whistle. He suddenly remembered the officer who had been floating in the water not too far away from the wooden plank Gwaine had helped him onto, and he had been whistling and calling out for the boats to come back before he –

It didn’t matter now. He was dead, but he had a whistle, and this whistle was Merlin’s only chance. A tear dripped onto Gwaine’s stiff, cold hands when Merlin kissed them. “I’ll never let go. I promise.” Then he did let go of his best friend, in order to hold on, and he dropped back into the icy water.

How he managed to swim over to the dead officer, how he took the whistle out from between his frozen lips with his trembling hands, how his shaky breath managed to get any sound out of the icy cold whistle he did not remember. All he could think of was “Hold on, don’t let go. Hold on.” And then a cry could be heard in the night.

“Turn about!”

The light came back, and with it the boat. And then there were strong arms picking him up, pulling him out of the water. A familiar face leaned over him, a face with curly hair and blue eyes, and a shocked voice called: “Merlin!” And then he knew nothing more.

<°)))>< *~*~* ><(((°>

In shock Leon stared into the pale face with the blue lips and the glassy eyes. The face that was so familiar to him. They had just pulled Merlin out of the water, and while he was still alive he also seemed dangerously close to death. His skin was white, his breaths were shallow and he wasn’t even shaking.

While another man took Leon’s place on the oar he quickly worked on undressing Merlin, peeled the soaking wet clothes off of his frozen body and took off his own coat to rub the water from his skin and the ice out of the young man’s hair. But still Merlin wasn’t moving. His skin was waxy white and had a blueish tinge to it. But he was still breathing and his heart was beating, albeit slowly and irregularly. Leon shot Arthur a look.

“Move your lazy ass over here, Arthur. Come on, your boyfriend needs you.”

“What?” Arthur blinked sluggishly.

“We need to get him warm, and your body heat is probably the most convenient way to achieve this. You have a blanket and are without a shirt already. Now get here and cuddle him a little, will you?” Leon smiled at him.

“If you say so.” Arthur moved over and laid down in the boat next to Merlin. He wanted to wrap his arms around the other man but nearly shrank back when he touched his freezing skin. “Jesus!”

Leon raised an eyebrow. “I’m not sure if he’ll survive. Being in the cold water for so long and all. Let’s pray that he makes it through.”

Arthur pulled Merlin closer now and buried his head in the crook of his neck. “Come on, Merlin, hold on, will you?” he whispered. “Don’t leave me here alone. You’ve made it so far already…” Carefully he pressed a soft kiss to his slender neck. The neck he had kissed only a few hours ago. When he had been in Merlin’s cabin. When they had –

Seemingly, days had passed since then. The unthinkable had happened. _Titanic_ had sunk. Arthur had been unconscious for about half the sinking, but he had still seen enough of it to know how extremely lucky he was that somehow Leon had managed it to get them into a boat. Also he was aware of how lucky Merlin must have been to be still alive, having somehow survived the exposure to the freezing water for so long.

On the brink of his own consciousness Arthur noticed that Leon and the other men in the boat found three more survivors in the water. One of them, an elderly American, died shortly after. This only increased Arthur’s fear for Merlin. Even though the young man in his arms was still breathing he had yet to wake. Tenderly Arthur let his hands run through Merlin’s slowly drying hair and over his still cool body. “Wake up… please!”

When finally small tremors started running through Merlin’s stiff muscles Arthur became more hopeful. Maybe Merlin would hold on. Maybe he would make it. He wrapped his arms even tighter around him, brought one of his legs between Merlin’s thighs and kissed his lips over and over again. They had lost their blue colour by now, if he could judge this in the dim light of the officer’s torch. Also Merlin’s breaths were deeper now and he instinctively shifted to move a little closer to Arthur, seeking his warmth.

It was around 4 a.m., as Arthur was told later, that the _Carpathia_ arrived on the scene. He saw the lights of the large ship, he saw the green light of a signal flare being lightened, and he also could see, when he lifted his head, how the crew aboard the _Carpathia_ helped the people from the life boats onto the ship, one after the other. Some were far off, and it took quite a time for all the passengers to climb on board, so their officer – Arthur had by now found out that he was a kind young Welshman named Lowe – ordered them to stay back a little.

About two hours after the _Carpathia_ had taken the first passengers in, Merlin finally opened his eyes. Arthur, who had drifted off a little, relaxed by the warmth of their now combined body heat, only noticed it when Merlin suddenly jerked away and hit his head on the wooden rail of the boat. “Ow…”

“Merlin!” He opened his eyes and found the other man blinking slowly, trying to orientate. “You’re awake!”

“Arthur?” Merlin whispered and tentatively reached out for him with a shaky hand. “Is that you? Am I dreaming?” His still cool hand touched Arthur’s warm chest. “You really made it? So Gwaine was right after all.”

“Yes, I think I did,” Arthur whispered back. “You have to ask Leon about the how though, I don’t remember much of it.” He kissed him softly. “I’m so glad to have you back. I was going to find you, you know, bail you out of jail if I had to, but Uther urged me to get into that boat, and when I ran off to find you he followed me and we had a fight and I knocked him out and…” He suddenly stopped.

“What is it?”

Arthur shook his head. “Nothing. Just try to rest a little more. A ship is here, the _Carpathia_. They’re going to pick us up in a while. There are still at least half the boats out here, I don’t know when it’ll be our turn.”

Merlin nodded. “I held on for you, you know? Gwaine told me I must never let go because you would certainly make it. And now you’re here, and you’re real, and Gwaine… Gwaine’s dead.”

“Oh no. Oh Merlin, I am so sorry for you.” Beneath the woollen blanket Arthur started stroking Merlin’s back to comfort him a little. “I know that he was your best friend. And that there will never be one like him. He was a great man who was always there for you when you needed him most.” He paused. “You know, I would never dream of replacing Gwaine for you. Nobody could do that. But please know that if you ever need someone by your side, I’ll always be there for you, listen to you, hold your hand. Metaphorically speaking, of course.”

“Thanks, Arthur,” Merlin said, his voice so low that even for Arthur it was barely audible. “You’re right, you can’t replace Gwaine. You’re Arthur, after all, and I love you.”

“I love you too,” he whispered back. “Maybe you can try and sleep a little?”

“I can try…” Tiredly Merlin closed his eyes and buried his face into Arthur’s chest. With a smile Arthur pulled him close. No matter what had just happened, something about their touch, about the intimacy they shared felt so _right_ that it made Arthur want to cry. He blamed it on the lack of sleep, his head injury and all the stress he was going through, but he was still close to weeping when another hour later, finally, their boat was told to row closer to _Carpathia_ and Merlin, still barely awake and wrapped in a blanket, was lifted from their boat up to the deck. Arthur hurried to climb after him, reluctant to leave Merlin alone for too long. What if he woke on the strange ship all alone and confused? He needed to be with him.

Finally on _Carpathia_ , Arthur was for the first time in his life happy to make use of the influence his name and title gave him. As the only son of the Duke of Bedford he could expect to get one of the few empty beds on board, and to this warm and safe place he now brought Merlin with the help of Leon and one of the stewards who showed them the way.

In their cabin they found some hot tea and more blankets. Leon dropped onto one of the two beds with a loud sigh, took one of the cups and slowly sipped the hot tea. Meanwhile Arthur carefully placed Merlin on the other bed, covered him with the dry blankets and then tried to rouse him.

“Merlin… wake up, dear. I’ve got some tea for you.”

Merlin moaned quietly. His eyelids twitched, he moved his head a little. Then, he opened his eyes. “Arthur? You’re still here?”

“Yes, I’m still here. As if I’d ever leave your side again. One time was bad enough, you saw how that ended.” Arthur held out his hand and a broad smile lit up his face when Merlin took it.

“No… not too well.” Merlin’s smile was small and shy but happy nonetheless.

“Now, here is some tea. Can you sit up on your own?”

“I’m not quite sure, let me try…”

Merlin struggled for a while until Arthur put his hand behind his head and helped him up. Merlin shot him a grateful look while Arthur held the cup to his mouth and let him drink from the steaming liquid.

“Easy… don’t burn your tongue… I can bring you some water, too, if you want. But for now I guess it’s most important that you warm up.” Arthur helped Merlin to a few more sips, then he put the cup aside and lowered Merlin back onto the pillow. “Try to sleep some more. You’re safe now, _Carpathia_ will bring us to New York. And I won’t leave your side again.”

“Thank you.” Merlin was already drifting off to sleep again.

“Don’t thank me, I’ve barely done anything.” Arthur smiled down at him. “You should rather thank Officer Lowe. He was the one who returned his boat.” And Arthur hadn’t even thanked him properly yet, too wound up with Merlin and his own headache and their rescue and had he listed Merlin already? He, too, had to thank Lowe.

“Mhh… I will, when I see him. Come to me? Lay down?” Merlin asked tiredly, his eyes already closed.

Arthur’s grip around his fingers tightened for a second when he lifted them to his mouth and kissed his knuckles softly. “I will. Just let me take off my shoes.” He slid beneath the covers and cradled Merlin in his arms once again. This time he was met with pleasant warmth and a soft hum of pleasure when Merlin snuggled closer.

On the other bed Leon had now finished his tea and stood up. No matter how happy he was for Arthur and Merlin, he had his own worries that he wanted to see to. “I guess I’ll give the two of you some alone time, then.” He smiled at them. “If you need me, I’ll be out on deck, I’m sure they will need some help getting all the people onto the ship, dealing with the boats and all that. I’m sure you’ll find me.”

“Right,” Arthur replied quietly. “See you.”

He did not hear the door falling shut behind Leon. By then exhaustion had already claimed him and he was falling into a deep and restful sleep, forgetting the hardships that laid behind him for some time. All he knew was that Merlin was safe and warm and in his arms, and that was all that mattered for now.

<°)))>< *~*~* ><(((°>

Leon was slowly making his way through the corridors. He was tired, hadn’t slept all night and on top of that spent most of it rowing and shivering in a little wooden boat. Yet he couldn’t allow himself to rest. Not yet. That Merlin and Arthur were sleeping safely in the cabin now only meant that two other people he cared for were still unaccounted for: Elena – and Percival.

Once he had found an officer it wasn’t hard to make out Elena’s name on the list. He also reported the casualties of Lancelot du Lac and Gwaine Green, a bitter taste filling his mouth when he spoke their names. Only a few hours ago these men had been alive and well, on their way to new lives full of hopes and dreams. Now these hopes and dreams laid on the bottom of the Atlantic, together with their lifeless bodies. Leon felt sick.

Yet at the same time there was a last, a tiny straw of hope he was clinging to. He hadn’t heard any news of Percival yet, not since the man had run off with Gwaine and Lancelot in order to find Merlin. Back when they had still been on the _Titanic_. Yes, his chances were slim, but not zero… right?

In the hope of finding Percival Leon went down to the foredeck. This was where most of the surviving Third Class Passengers were accommodated for now, if Percival was among them Leon would surely find him there. He was not on the list yet, but that didn’t mean anything. Still, there were people in boats drifting on the Atlantic, not everyone was safely on the Carpathia yet. If Percival was among them there was no chance Leon could miss him, or was there? Tiredly he let his eyes wander over the people beneath him, slowly taking off life vests, wrapping themselves in blankets, a lot of them crying, some injured, some sleeping exhaustedly on the deck. And one –

One man was sitting on a bunch of life vests, a big man with short hair, a blanket around his shoulders. He seemed to be cradling a small child to his chest and Leon couldn’t see his face as he had turned his back towards him, but he looked a lot like Percival. An awful lot.

Excitedly Leon stumbled down the stairs to the foredeck. An officer tried to hold him back when he saw Leon’s expensive suit. “I don’t think you’ll find anyone of your people down here, Sir, it’s all steerage.” But Leon just shook off his hand and ran on.

“Percival! Percival, is that you?”

The man turned around, and Leon’s heart stopped for a moment. It was, indeed, Percival!

“Oh my god, you’re alive!”

“Leon!” Percival’s broad grin was all it took to drive the last remains of cold and fear from Leon’s heart. “God bless you! How did you make it?”

“Same as you, I guess. Got into one of the boats. With quite some luck, admittedly. And if not for Arthur I doubt that they would have let us on.” He then looked at the boy Percival was holding. “And who’s that? Did you make a friend on your way here?”

“Not really… I was on that turned-over boat, together with Elyan. When we were picked up he found out that his sister had also made it and I’ve lost sight of them for now, but our rescue is a story for later I guess, once I feel warmer,” he laughed drily. “I picked this boy up from the water, held him all night. He was all on his own. No parents, no siblings, and no idea what language he speaks.”

“Dwi ishio fy mam!” the child wailed and hid his face behind his chubby hands.

Leon looked back down at the boy. “You don’t speak English, do you?” The boy stopped crying temporarily and looked at Leon with large blue eyes. Leon repeated: “Do you speak English? English? You?”

The boy shook his head. “Dwi mond yn siarad Cymraeg, nid Saesneg.”

“I’ve tried this before, it’s useless.” Percival shrugged.

“Cymraeg…” Leon stared at him while the boy nodded eagerly. “He’s speaking Welsh.” Leon, even though he had studied in Cardiff for a year, could not understand more than a few words of Welsh, and barely introduce himself. A few phrases his friends hat taught him, some words he had picked up on the streets or in pubs, but it wasn’t much, and most of it were curses or related to drinking large amounts of ale. Not nearly enough and even less appropriate to communicate with this frightened child. Luckily though Leon did know of a man who spoke Welsh more fluently. He looked at Percival again. “You wait here. I’ll be back in a minute.”

With these words he got up again and headed off, back to the bridge where he had seen Lowe last. Only when he had already reached it it came to his mind that the boy hadn’t understood his instructions to stay in place, but he couldn’t care about that now. He just had to hope that he would find him again and hopefully bring someone with him who could help him.

Without knocking Leon burst through the open door. “Sir! Officer Lowe, Sir!”

The officers on the bridge, Lowe among them, turned around. Lowe looked just as tired as Leon, but clearly nobody had offered that poor man a cup of tea. Leon immediately felt sorry for him, but he couldn’t take back his words and he had already drawn Lowe’s attention towards him. “Mr Knight? What is it?”

“Sir, there’s a little boy, I think he has lost his parents, or at least they are not around. And he doesn’t speak English, Sir, only Welsh. I was hoping that maybe you would, that you could…”

But Lowe had already turned around fully. “Show me,” he commanded, and Leon strode off back down to the foredeck, in the direction where he had left the crying child. He heaved a sigh of relief when he found the boy still in the place where he had left him.

“That’s him.” Leon pointed at Percival who was still holding the boy.

“Thank you.” Lowe kneeled down on the deck in front of Percival so he was now on eyelevel with the boy. “Shwmae! Pwy dach chi?” Tentatively he reached out for him.

The boy looked up with big blue eyes. “Mordred… Mordred dwi,” he sniffled.

“Eisio dod, Mordred?” Lowe smiled at the boy, and when he nodded he picked him up and cradled him to his chest. “Paid â chrio, mi fydd popeth yn iawn, paid a phoeni,” Leon heard him mumble while he walked off, probably to take the child to some warmer place where he would be cared for. Maybe even to his parents. One could always hope.

With a groan Percival got up. “Finally. I thought my legs would fall off. That kid was kinda heavy.” He stretched his back and smiled at Leon. “So, what leads you here? Looking for someone? Merlin, for example?”

Leon blushed. “No, actually it’s not Merlin. Because Merlin is safe in a bed here on the ship with Arthur.”

Percival's face didn't so much as twitch. “Who were you looking for, then?”

Did Leon imagine the sudden tension in the air between them or was it real? When his eyes met Percival’s he felt his cheeks heat even more. God, why was he so nervous all of a sudden? “I came looking for you. I was worried.”

“About me?”

“Yes, I… I’m sorry, that doesn’t make sense.” Leon ran a hand through his curly hair, now greasy and dishevelled. “God, that sounds so stupid. Maybe I should just…” He turned as if to leave, but Percival held him back.

“No, wait, Leon, please! I… you don’t sound stupid. I was worried about you, too. A lot. More than maybe I’d like to admit,” he laughed a little helplessly. “But you can’t choose whom you fall in love with, can you?”

Leon stared at him. “No… you cannot.”

For quite a while the silence hung between them, heavily but no longer as tense as it had been. Finally Percival took a step towards Leon and pulled the slightly smaller man into a bone crushing hug. “Thank you, then. For looking for me. And for finding me.”

“Always. I could never bear the thought of losing you.” Leon breathed in the warm scent of Percival’s skin. The strong urge to kiss the other man welled up inside his chest, and he looked up. “I… do have a cabin on this ship. I share it with Arthur and Merlin, but they are certainly asleep by now. If you want to, you can… I mean, you’re surely exhausted, and we’d have to share, but it’s a real bed with a warm blanket and…”

“That’s generous of you, thank you.” Percival smiled again.

Leon drew back a little and dropped his gaze. “It’s not like I would mind sharing my bed with you.”

“Thank you, still.”

On their walk to Leon’s cabin he even dared to slip his hand into Percival’s. And when the other man turned to him with another large and happy smile it made his heart all fluttery, and Leon couldn’t help but thinking that sometimes even tragedies could lead to something good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes, I just wanted to show off my non-existend Welsh skills here XD all the thanks and the credit go to Midnight_Writing who did probably 98% of the translations XD


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last scene, something like an epilogue and a bonus scene :D

Merlin and Arthur were still sleeping soundly when Leon and Percival entered the cabin. The two men quickly took off their shoes and trousers and slipped into Leon’s bed. Then, they laid there, huddled together, in silence. Leon had an arm loosely draped around Percival’s shoulders, his hand softly caressing his upper arm. He wasn’t sure if Percival was asleep already when he finally would up the courage to whisper: “I will always come looking for you, Percival. Because I love you.” Then, he held his breath and waited.

At first Percival hardly stirred for an entire endless second. Then, he slowly lifted his head and looked at Leon. “Thank you so much. For everything.” Percival kissed his lips softly. “I love you too. So much.” He laid back down and hid his face in the crook of Leon’s neck and took a deep breath. “I hope I’m not boring you with my story…”

“Certainly not,” Leon assured him.

“Good. Because I don’t think I will be able to sleep without telling someone. I was on the Boat Deck, you know, just like you and the others. I had lost sight of Lancelot, Gwaine and Merlin and I knew that I wouldn’t have a chance of getting into one of the last few lifeboats. We heard shots from the other side and the people were already panicking. Everything fell apart from there on. But when they tried to get the last boat down, the oars broke and the boat crashed onto the deck upside down. There was no time to turn it, the ship sank so quickly at that point, the deck was already flooding. So I just decided to take my chance and I jumped into the water.

“You cannot imagine how bloody cold this water was,” he told Leon with a shudder. “My whole body hurt and I thought I would never feel warm in my life even if I made it out of this alive. But I forced myself to keep swimming. I just… swam and swam. Suddenly there was a wave coming from behind shoving me forward and I saw that turned-over boat again. A young officer, his name is Bride, he stood on top of it, soaking wet the lad like we all were. A lot of people were desperately trying to get onto it, but somehow I managed to stay on. Elyan was next to me, and then there was this boy, and I held onto Elyan and we both held the boy and tried not to fall over.

We were about thirty in the end, I think, all clinging to each other, shivering, scared, in the freezing water up to our ankles. It was terrifying, Leon,” he confessed. “Righteously terrifying. There must have been some air trapped beneath the boat that kept us afloat, but it probably became less and less the longer we stood there. In the end the water reached up to my knees. I couldn’t feel my legs anymore. The waves threatened to turn us over. People died, Leon. They just froze to death and dropped into the sea! And I kept thinking… what if Elyan is the next? Or me? What if I had been the next to freeze?” Percival took a deep, shuddering breath.

Leon patted his head. “Shh… it is over. You’re safe now. You’re with me.”

“At least when they pulled us out of the water Elyan learned that his sister had made it too. I don’t know where Gwen and he are now, but I’m happy for them.” Percival turned his frightened eyes up to his boyfriend. “But Gwaine? And Lancelot? What has become of them? Do you know anything?”

Leon gulped. “Percival, I… I’m sorry…”

“They’re dead, aren’t they?”

Leon only nodded. “I’m so sorry, Percy. Gwaine froze in the water, according to Merlin. Lancelot, he… he was shot right before my eyes. It was an accident, but still… that doesn’t make it right to shoot an innocent man. To just take a life. I am so, so sorry… I barely knew him, but I am certain that we would have become great friends over time. I wish we had.”

Percival buried his head in Leon’s shoulder again, silently, but Leon nonetheless felt the tears soaking his shirt. He gently started rubbing little circles onto Percival’s shoulder blades. When he felt his friend shaking with suppressed sobs he kissed his head softly, over and over again while Percival clung to him, seeking help and hold and the comfort of Leon’s warm embrace that his boyfriend was only too willing to give.

Finally they drifted off into the black depths of sleep. When they woke in the soft afternoon light they were still holding tightly onto each other, and it was Percival who eventually pulled Leon up a little so that they laid face to face and kissed him again. “I am so glad that you are here with me,” he whispered.

Leon, wiping a stray lock from his nose where it was tickling him offered Percival a small smile. “And I will always be. That is, if you want me to be with you.”

“I couldn’t think of any person I’d rather have by my side, now an ever.” Percival leaned his forehead against Leon’s and rubbed their noses together. “I love you so, so much, Leon.” And once more their lips melted together in a slow and sweet and comforting kiss.

<°)))>< *~*~* ><(((°>

They reached New York on the evening of the 18th April. The rain was pouring down just like the silent tears inside Merlin’s heart. Arthur held his right hand and this hand was the only part of his body that felt kind of warm. Icy cold was spreading from his chest through his entire body. He could see the Statue of Liberty vaguely through the grey mist, letting the green bronze figure appear even more lifeless than it already was.

This had been supposed to be his moment of triumph, his hour of freedom. Gwaine should have been the one standing next to him, patting his shoulder, bumping his side, grinning at Merlin and telling him how he could already smell the ale from the New York pubs and that they really needed to check out if it was only half as good as the one they had in Southampton.

But he wasn’t. Gwaine was gone, just like Lancelot, and Uther, and more than a thousand other people. Frozen. Drowned. Dead.

Arthur next to him sensed his distress, he squeezed his hand gently and offered Merlin a sad little smile. No more, no less. He would continue to give these tiny smiles to him over the next few months, and somehow they were all Merlin needed find enough comfort to move on. The smiles, but especially the reassurance they meant. Arthur was at his side where he would always be, and he would give Merlin all the time he needed. He wouldn’t leave him.

Gwen and Elyan were soon on their way to their family in Chicago. Merlin promised he would write to them on a regular basis. At their departure Gwen hugged him tightly and told him that even though she would probably always grief for Lancelot she was at least happy that she had found a friend in Merlin.

Arthur didn’t stay long in New York either. After his father had officially been proclaimed dead, what turned out to be surprisingly easy with Leon as a witness and Arthur pretending to be a witness, he inherited all the lands, the titles and the money that had always meant so much to Uther but so little to Arthur. Now though they mainly meant freedom to him. The freedom to live the way he wanted to as long as he lived up to his political and social responsibilities. Mainly though it meant that he could live with whomever he liked. And Arthur fully intended to make use of this.

When he first asked Merlin to come back to England with him, Merlin hesitated. Back in England, that meant back to everything he had run from. Everything he had tried to escape. But it also meant being with Arthur. Maybe even seeing his mother again. He had wanted to start a new life, but did he really have to start it in the United States? It wouldn’t be the same without Gwaine. So why could this new life not be in England?

By the end of May he found himself on a ship back to London. He had written a letter to his mother and even received an answer which had brought a smile to his face for an entire week. He had told her about all that had happened and while Hunith had been awfully sorry to hear of Gwaine’s death she had also expressed her relief about Merlin’s survival and her happiness about his relationship with Arthur. She was only sad, as she wrote, that she could never be at her son’s wedding. Arthur, when Merlin mentioned this, just laughed and told Merlin that if not only Hunith but also Merlin wanted this he could certainly arrange some things.

The biggest surprise though, at least to Merlin, were Leon and Percival. After hearing that Merlin and Arthur were about to return to Bedford they announced that they would gladly join them. While Merlin moved in with Arthur in Woburn Abbey, the Duke of Bedford’s family seat, Leon and Percival decided to open their bakery in the small village of Woburn not far from the impressive country house.

<°)))>< *~*~* ><(((°>

It was another three months later, by the end of August, when for the first time since the sinking of _Titanic_ Merlin felt in the mood to take up his drawing utensils again. He was sitting on a window sill on the ground floor watching the birds play in a water puddle right in front of him. His pencil was sliding across the paper, the small animals nearly coming to live through his skilled fingers.

Arthur who had entered the room without Merlin noticing gently put a hand on his boyfriend’s shoulder. “These are beautiful,” he whispered. “It makes me happy to see you drawing again. And you’re so talented, love.”

Merlin, blushing, leaned back into Arthur’s arms. “Thank you.” He put down his sheets, turned halfway around and gave his boyfriend a little kiss.

“Can I have a look?” Questioningly Arthur held out his free hand.

“Sure.”

With a smile Merlin handed over the whole stack of drawings and Arthur sat down on the window sill opposite of Merlin while going through them. Merlin had drawn a lot of nature scenes, trees, animals, flowers. A drawing of a village was there, too, and Arthur assumed it must be Ealdor. Then, there were the people. Merlin had drawn Gwaine, his mother, some other faces he didn’t recognise. There also were a few pictures drawn on the _Titanic_ , a man standing on the rail holding a child in his arms, a girl sitting on a bench, two children playing, Lancelot dancing with the young woman he had met on board, Gwen.

And then, there were women. Merlin had apparently drawn two different women, both rather average looking but definitely very naked, one with curly fair hair, another one with dark hair. Despite the indecent motives Arthur couldn’t help but notice the perfection with which Merlin had captured proportions, the light gleaming on their hair, even some minor details like the little scar the blonde woman had on her collarbone or the crooked teeth of the dark haired one. Arthur looked up again.

“Who were they?”

“Who?”

“The women you drew.”

“Oh. They.” Merlin couldn’t help but blush. “That was… maybe a bit embarrassing. I was fifteen and… Gwaine took me to Manchester on that evening. Told me to get rid of that virginity thing. That was the evening when I came to the conclusion that I must be gay. He paid these two prostitutes to spend a night with me and I didn’t want to… have sex with them. So I asked them if I could draw them instead. It was fascinating to me, a great opportunity. You know, to study naked bodies. Not too many people are willing to get undressed to be drawn.” He laughed. “This one, Mary, she had a sweet laugh, see that?” Merlin leaned over and turned the paper, showing a portrait of Mary on the next sheet of paper. “And the other one, Julie, she was French, her hands were so beautiful.”

When Merlin turned the paper again Arthur couldn’t help but stare at the blonde French girl. Yes, her hands were beautiful, but what he couldn’t stop thinking about was…

“So, the two of you didn’t…”

“No.” Merlin smiled, but felt suddenly nervous. He had had sex with Arthur, yes, but talking about having had sex in the past, with people who were not Arthur, that was another matter. “I’m still gay, Arthur. I just wasn’t interested in her. Not sexually, at least. Only artistically, you could say.”

Arthur laughed. “And… what about me? Could you imagine having an artistic relationship with me, too?”

“What do you mean?”

“Can you draw me like that French girl?”

“You mean in that pose?” Merlin raised an eyebrow.

“No.” Now Arthur actually blushed a little. “I mean naked.”

“Uhm. Sure. If you want me to.”

“Please.” Arthur handed the drawings back to Merlin with a kiss. “Right now?”

“If you want to.” Now that they were talking about Arthur and himself Merlin felt more confident again. “Get naked, then,” he told his boyfriend with a cheeky grin.

“All right.” Arthur got back to his feet. “You’ll wait for me in the bedroom then?”

“Sure.” Merlin winked. “Most eagerly.”

While Arthur disappeared in the dressing room Merlin sat down on a chair next to their bed. He sharpened his pencils and took out a blank sheet of paper, trying not to think about Arthur naked on the bed or he would end up too aroused to work properly.

As soon as Arthur entered the room though Merlin’s mind went blank for a moment. Of course he had seen Arthur naked before, but this situation was entirely different. He was supposed to draw Arthur naked, to be serious about it and concentrate on his work while he already felt his blood rushing from his head into his cock. And Arthur was still wearing his ugly silken gown!

He coughed a little awkwardly and gestured towards the bed. “Come over here, on the… the bed.”

When Arthur slowly walked over Merlin noticed that his boyfriend was also blushing and moving a little hesitantly. It reassured him a little to know that he wasn’t the only one who was a little nervous about this entirely new situation.

Arthur let the gown slip from his shoulders and Merlin bit his lips. He was glad that his drawing utensils were covering his lap or Arthur might have seen the bulge that was probably forming in his crotch by now. He swallowed hard.

“Lay down, please.”

“Like this?” Arthur crossed his arms behind his head, bend one of his legs and tried to look at Merlin as seductively as possible.

Merlin’s throat went dry. “Yeah, like this… maybe lay more on your side… exactly… and move your arm a little… yeah just like this. Good. Now stay that way. Don’t move.”

Merlin could see that Arthur was just as aroused by the situation as he was, but if he was embarrassed by it he played it down a lot better than Merlin. Merlin took a deep breath, wiped his sweaty hands on his trousers and tried to will his arousal down to a moderate level. Then he started drawing.

The charcoal pencil felt heavy in his hands at first, he was almost afraid of it touching the paper. What if he messed up? What if the final result wouldn’t do Arthur justice?

He started with his face, it was easier to concentrate on Arthur’s eyes and the slight stubble on his cheeks for now. When Merlin started outlining his hands next to his head he could almost concentrate on it as he had before when drawing the little bird. Just a portrait, nothing about it.

Then he made for Arthur’s chest, his stomach, his hips, his thighs and finally his proudly standing erection. Once again the pencil felt heavy and Merlin hesitated before drawing the first few lines. He couldn’t help but bite his lips though.

“I believe you are blushing,” Arthur told him with a grin.

“Oh, shut up, you prat.” Merlin felt himself blushing even harder. “It’s not my fault that you’re so…” He trailed off.

“That I’m what?”

“Handsome! Now stop talking, will you? Don’t move.”

After some more minutes of silent tension and blushing and seductive grins it was finally done. Merlin heaved a sigh and leaned back. He blew the pencil dust away and admired his work. “You look so good in this one! Almost better than in real life. Wanna have a look?”

“Sure. Come over?”

“You lazy daisy.” Merlin grinned but nonetheless got up and went over to the bed. “Here you go.” He sat down next to Arthur and showed the drawing to him.

Arthur’s face lit up when his eyes took in all the detailed lines Merlin’s hands had drawn. There might be more than one kind of magic about this lovely young man after all… Arthur sighed happily. “Mh, very nice. I love it…” He tugged at Merlin’s shirt. “But what about this?”

“What about it?”

“Don’t you want to take it off? I think it’s… rather hot in here.” Arthur raised an eyebrow.

Merlin mimicked his expression. “You think so? I think that would be very unprofessional. To take advantage of my customer that way…”

“Customer? I didn’t even give you money for this. But I could pay you in another way…?”

Merlin couldn’t help the blush colouring his cheeks. Arthur naked with only the bedsheet touching his left shoulder and his right knee looked so precious and so hot that Merlin couldn’t resist.

He put the drawing down on the nightstand and took off his clothes. Arthur happily pulled him into his arms and started kissing Merlin’s lips, his chin, his neck, his collarbones and his chest. He probably would never enjoy another thing as much as Merlin’s soft skin on his own.

Soon though Merlin started groaning louder with every time that Arthur sucked a mark to his pale skin and his hips started grinding against Arthur’s body. With a bright grin Arthur looked down at him, saw his closed eyes and the way Merlin’s back arched whenever Arthur’s hands touched his hardened cock oh so slightly.

“Please… Arthur…”

Seeing his boyfriend so needy and wanting and also so beautiful and hot beneath him on the bed made Arthur’s heart all soft and fluttery.

“God, Merlin, you…”

He couldn’t help but lean in for another kiss. Merlin opened his eyes when their lips touched, returning the kiss eagerly. He put an arm around Arthur’s shoulder, pulling him down and pushing him to the side until they both laid down on the bed facing each other, their lips still sealed, their tongues licking and exploring playfully. Merlin reached out to touch Arthur’s chest, his hands quickly finding his boyfriend’s nipples, teasing them a little until Arthur greedily groaned into the kiss. Then Merlin stroked down his flank until he reached his hips and finally took Arthur’s cock in hand together with his own.

It was lazy summer afternoon sex, nothing more, nothing less. When they had both come they sunk back into the pillows, sweaty and exhausted, their eyes locked and smiling happily at each other. Arthur held out his hands to hug his boyfriend, and Merlin, despite the heat, let himself be wrapped into the other’s strong arms. Arthur kissed his neck.

“I will be forever grateful that I met you,” Arthur whispered, his eyes already falling shut. “You are a gift, Merlin, and I want to spend every remaining moment of my life with you. Treasure it. You are so wonderful.”

Merlin who was also drifting off pressed Arthur’s hands closer to his chest where his heart was beating strongly, aching for Arthur even though his boyfriend was right behind him. “God, I love you so much,” he breathed against Arthur’s warm skin.

“I love you too, Merlin.”

It was summer, it was warm, and a soft breeze came in through the open window and cooled them a little while they both slowly drifted off to sleep. Merlin couldn’t help but think that despite the whole tragedy that had happened, he could now see what Gwaine had meant when in his last moments he had told him to live for Arthur. In the end he had been lucky to be on the _Titanic_. After all, he had found Arthur. And Arthur was all he needed to be happy again in this world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> because what would a Titanic AU be without a "Draw me like one of your French girls" scene XD
> 
> should anyone feel the urge to create some fanart based on this AU and/or this scene please let me know, I’d love to see it! <3
> 
> well, now, that's it! When I started writing this in July I never thought I would ever reach 30k, and now it's over 54k XD  
> Thanks for reading all this, everyone! I'm so happy for everyone of you who accompanied me along this journey, and I have to admit that I really love this fic very much and it's one of the best ones [in my opinion] that I've written this year. Definitely the one I put the most effort into, and also definitely one of the fics that I like best. So please, feel free to leave me a comment and let me know what you think of it :D I'd love hearing your thoughts!

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed this [so far], please leave me a comment and Kudos :)
> 
> also feel free to scream at me about this on tumblr XD


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